A completely politics-free thread for fun that folks are enjoying over at my place as we close out a holiday weekend here. Share your preferences (and why).

Peanut butter: chunky, creamy or don’t eat it/allergic?
Bread: white or wheat?
Steak: rare, medium, well-done, or no meat?
Ice Cream: chocolate, vanilla or mixes (Cookies n Cream, Rocky Road, Butter Pecan, etc.)?

More below the fold.
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[UPDATE: One of Homosexual and Homosexualist HQ most seasoned operatives, Jim Burroway of Box Turtle Bulletin, saw the unforgiveable leak of The Homosexual Activism Overview and took quick action. See below the fold.]

Someone’s going to get a spanking from me! I want to know who has turned over one of our top secret strategy documents to the fundie Alliance Defense Fund. Reader Karen in Kalifornia alerted me to the security breach; click the image to see what has been leaked from Homo Headquarters:

Here are the other documents that got away…

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One can only hope that this is satire. However, after the public ex-gay therapy madness of Richard Cohen (discredited even by his peers), this video about a “service” to help recloset gay men is easily plausible.

“The WorkOUT is a unique program that helps a man who is dealing with homosexual issues to go deep and understand that below the homosexual issues lies a lack of his own inherent masculinity and manhood.

The Workout offers a man three main things…the first thing it offers him is a Lifecoach. A mentoring relationship for each man. The second thing is it offers him a series of accomplished tasks whereby a man can feel his own sense of increasing manhood.

The third thing is what I call the 911 calls whereby a man can call anytime, day or night, to his mentor, in case he needs to talk to him for a few minutes if he is having a particular problem or challenge.

I love helping other men BE MEN. I feel great when I help another man really understand himself — and really help him see that change is absolutely possible…IF he’s willing to go through the tasks, and the accomplishments and the relationships he needs to go to, mainly with himself, to move into his own manhood.”

Start the journey today…

Who is this guy? His name is David Pickup. Jeebus, that has to be a stage name.

After facing and resolving these issues in his own life, David created The WorkOUT for men who want to change their sexual orientation by securing their full manly identity. David has made The WorkOUT available to all men wherever they live in the world no matter what their personal or spiritual belief systems may be. The WorkOUT exists to help men to feel their sense of masculinity and manhood so they can move more fully into heterosexuality.

So…batsh*t crazy or satire? Joe. My. God speculates.

OK, folks. You can have fun reading between the lines of this one…

H/t, G-A-Y.

As promised, Steve Ralls of PFLAG National has the full audio up proving Sally Kern likes to bear false witness over and over.

On the recording released today, Kern twice agrees with PFLAG supporters that gay Americans should not be fired from their jobs simply because of their sexual orientation. She goes on to say that “maybe” she would consider a follow-up meeting with PFLAG families in her district and agrees to a dinner invitation from a PFLAG supporter in the meeting. Near the end of the conversation, Kern is asked, in recapping the conversation, if she does indeed oppose anti-gay job discrimination; she responds affirmatively that she does.

“Representative Kern’s words speak for themselves,” said Rev. Loyce Newton-Edwards, president of PFLAG’s Oklahoma City chapter. “The recording, which we made with her staff’s consent, is irrefutable evidence that she did agree with us on employment non-discrimination; that she did agree to consider an ongoing dialogue with us; and that she did agree on some basic principles of fairness and equality. It is beyond disappointing that she has now stepped away from those comments, and it is disheartening that she, as an elected leader, has attempted to disavow her own words.”

I don’t know if you can take 40 minutes of the Oklahoma bigot blathering, but Steve says that there are some interesting tidbits that await you, including a bit where the Oklahoma legislator talks about lesbians and golf. It’s after the jump.
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Jesus’ General discovers why Pastor John Hagee’s skills connecting weather disasters due to homosexual activity make him a spot-on choice to head up the National Weather Service in a John McCain administration.

The General also gives advice to McCain below:

After all, he was the only climate expert who actually identified what caused Hurricane Katrina: it was God’s vengeance; He sent it in order to prevent a “homosexual parade…that was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other gay pride parades,” from occurring (see video above).”

Think about it. With a combination of prayer, prophecy, and field reports from Peter LaBarbara, Pastor Hagee could prevent weather-related disasters simply by identifying and, with the help of the State Security Apparatus, preventing events that could prompt God’s displeasure.

Oh god, this is the funniest thing ever.*

Highlights:

“Fallout Boy and Panic! at the Disco need to be removed. They are NOT punk, and that is NOT opinion,” one poster goes.

To see what’s bugging people the most about Wikipedia’s “Oral sex” entry, start with the history page, which lists notations of edits, accompanied by terse explanations like “An encyclopedia is not to give advice… the purpose of Wikipedia is to present facts.”

The company that distributes shows like Yu-Gi-Oh! GX is called “4Kids,” but the people attacking its Wikipedia entry are grown-ups with an axe to grind, and have been referred to by their opponents as “racist asshole Otakus” and “anime fundamentalists [who] just won’t give up their useless annoying crusade for cartoon riceballs.”

They have given Don Krieg Poison suction cups that make no sense in their delivery. They have given Monkey D. Luffy an annoying voice, as was done to Sanji and Usopp. Thay have given Luffty Dumbass jokes.

It’s “wholly filled, top-to-bottom, with SPAM-worship,” complains Gspawn.

*Meaning “today”, or maybe “this week”.

One of the coffeehouse regulars, Fritz, spent a good deal of time on his response to the hate-filled homobigoted screed by Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (sallykern@okhouse.gov, Capitol Office: 405-557-7348). She was secretly recorded in a meeting saying completely unhinged, ignorant, fact-free vitriol that ended up on YouTube. Among her more outrageous claims:

Studies show, no society that has totally embraced homosexuality has lasted for more than, you know, a few decades. . .

…They are going after our young children, as young as two years of age, to try to teach them that the homosexual lifestyle is an acceptable lifestyle.

One of my colleagues said We don’t have a gay problem in our community…well you know what, that is so dumb. If you have cancer in your little toe, do you just say that I’m going to forget about it since the rest of you is fine? It spreads! This stuff is deadly and it is spreading. It will destroy our young people and it will destroy this nation.

When she was taken to task by local media, tried desperately to say that some how she was taken out of context. This is a woman who sits on the Education Committee in the Oklahoma legislature

Fritz’s response took the form of this hilarious parody:

My other post on this, with her video, is here.

From Jeff, an Implicit Association Test on the candidates. This measures not who your rational brain wants you to vote for, but the knee jerk emotional preferences. My associative brain liked, in order, Clinton the best with Obama right behind her, both really high. And then I loathed McCain and couldn’t have been more loathing of Huckabee.

I’ve posted some completely outrageous anti-gay, racist and misogynistic quotes from well-known fundies, homobigots and media lowlifes over the years, and thought I’d make a diary with some of the humdingers so we could see the breadth of batsh*ttery out there.

Feel free to search the archives, or Google for some of your favorites and put them in the comments.

I’ve got quite a few ones up at my pad, but below the fold are some random favorites.
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It's time for some afternoon absurdity. Darrel Ng, Fred Thompson's former mouthpiece and "main point of contact for the media on all travel logistics and scheduling" for the flatlined campaign, has plenty of time on his hands these days.

I guess he felt there was an overwhelming need to punish aging martial arts expert and "actor" Chuck Norris for supporting GOP clown car occupant Mike Huckabee, the rapist/murderer-releasing, Christian Reconstructionist-supported, Man-On-Dog wannabe and former Arkansas governor. Thus we have Boycott Chuck Norris.com.

I’m starting a boycott of Chuck Norris because he has endorsed a presidential candidate and supports ideas that are far out of the mainstream. Specifically:

• He’s endorsed a candidate who says that he does not believe in evolution.
• He’s endorsed a candidate who called for the isolation of AIDS patients – long after the Centers for Disease Control determined that the virus was not spread by casual contact. Even this year, the candidate declined to recant those views.

I want you to join me in boycotting all of the products that Chuck Norris endorses and some of the national companies that run advertisements on the show in which he starred and currently rerunning on the USA cable network, Walker, Texas Ranger. I also ask that you tell these companies why you are boycotting them. (See list to the right with contact information and post below for a sample e-mail.)

Among the companies expected to feel a pinch from this pee-wee boycott: KFC, Payless ShoeSource, Nutrisystem, Tylenol, and Geico. Ng also calls for folks looking to get into shape to refrain from ordering up the Norris-endorsed Total Gym when the infomercial comes on.

So if this isn’t a time-waster from heaven, I don’t know what is.

Make your own album cover! Here’s what you do: The article you get when you click this link is your band title.

The last four words of the last quote on this page is your album title (you will probably need to reload the page if you do more than one, if you’re like me.)

And the third picture, the upper right hand, will be your cover photo.

I’m adding a rule that you have to square off whatever picture you get, so that it’s a realistic album cover.

Via, and a link to more, the awesome artist Jenn Manley Lee.

More of mine after the jump; please post yours in comments, unless you find this activity somehow resistable, which I doubt.

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Here’s a fun weekender question to kick back with, taking a short break from the heavy political stuff:

What’s your favorite video game of all time (or top two or three)?

Katie’s is Ms. Pac Man (1982). We actually have one of those newfangled $20 self-contained game doo-hickeys that you can plug directly into the TV. I has a whole bunch of classic 80s arcade games on it, including Ms. Pac Man.

I loved the original arcade Pac Man (1980). However, dating myself further I have to go back to 1978 or so to list my absolute favorite way to play it — on the primo Atari 2600 console with a whopping 128 MB K of RAM to run the cartridge-based game. I think I also had a Defender cartridge.

A Flash version of Pac Man can be played at this site.

Also, you can see a complete listing of the games that ran on the Atari 2600 here, including the ever-politically relevant Chuck Norris Superkicks/Ghost Manor (1983 - “Join Chuck Norris as he uses his karate skills to beat up bad guys in a haunted house“).

Any other games…let’s see, in the “modern era” (I’m no gamer, and don’t follow the genre). I remember playing the original Tomb Raider (1996) on Playstation 1, but never finishing it. The last game I played all the way through every level was Thief: The Dark Project (1998), on a computer. The whole point of it was not to shoot everything up, but to sneak and steal/collect items. It had great audio; you had to listen for voices of guards as you tried to remain stealthy and not get chased. Of course if you were discovered, you had an arsenal of weapons to use, like a arrows, to dispatch them.

The last game I played (on PC) was Max Payne (2001), a shooter game that my brother had and I played several levels over one Christmas. The only thing I really remember about that one was eventually one of the rooms you had to pass through was completely on fire. I think I killed Max about 100 times before giving up.

I haven’t been online much since my gall bladder surgery (Cholecystectomy) last Thursday. I’m doing as well as can be expected — very sore, sometimes nauseous, very sleepy because of pain meds, etc. — but looking forward to feeling better in a little while. For once, I’m actually staying in bed like I’m supposed to, and getting up and walking as required, rather than doing something insane like getting in the car and driving because I’m stir crazy.

I am slowly but surely healing, I wanted to thank all of you who sent me emails of support and advice, tips in the tip jar and well-wishes in Facebook before and after the surgery. I was really shocked on Saturday when a package arrived from Mike Rogers of BlogActive and PageOneQ. He apparently put out a call to folks on a couple of listservs I’m on, and they signed onto a sweet get well card and gift. My wife Kate can testify that I was genuinely touched and shocked that folks out there cared enough to do that — after all, I just bloviate across your screens each day, I’m not saving the world or anything.

OK. Do you want to see the gall bladder? For the squeamish, I took the liberty of placing the pic (and the description of surgery) over at my pad so I could avoid placing the blather and gore here.

Well, the War On Christmas has come and gone, and the Christmas defenders having “won” it again this year, it strikes me that in the wingnut way of thinking, this is an ideal time for a preemptive strike against the liberals and some sick, perverse holiday that liberals probably love. True, the War On Christmas was utter bullshit, but like with god, Ronald Reagan’s greatness, and WMDs in Iraq, that’s no reason for your average wingnut to even hesitate to believe whole-heartedly. Which is why I think that this is a good year for the wingnuts to declare a war on New Year’s Eve this year. There are a number of reasons they should try to wipe this day off the calendar. (Feel free to share your reasons in comments.)

• The imagery of a baby stepping in to wipe out an older person is a direct assault on traditional values, and probably was invented by rappers.
• The open embrace of debauchery, such as the kissing and the drinking, is most definitely not acceptable. Debauchery is something you do, of course, but hide in airport bathrooms or do without birth control when you’re 16 and act gobsmacked that you got pregnant. New Year’s Eve violates the requirement that you hide and act ashamed of your debauchery.
• Let’s face it; 2008 is not looking good for conservatives. Unless the full court pro-Republican press from the media does its job, we’re looking at a shoo-in for the Democratic candidate for President, and probably another round of seat-grabbing in Congress by Democrats. It’s as good a year as any to demand that we stop the march of time, which would have the side benefit of forcing the Iraq War to go on indefinitely as planned.
• Now that I think about it, the march of time is basically the main villain, next to the damn hippies, in the wingnut worldview. Why is it not still 1953? Because we kept letting new years just sneak past us is why.
• True, the superstition that says who you’re kissing at midnight is who you’ll be kissing all year seems pro-monogamy on its surface. But the underlying assumption—that there’s a chance you could have more than one kissing partner in a year otherwise—demonstrates an easy-going attitude to rank promiscuity.
• After New Year’s Day, people start taking down their holiday decorations. Therefore, it’s part of the War On Christmas. That alone justifies a preemptive strike.

I’m not sure what the tactics in the War on New Year’s would be. I assume something similar to the supposed tactics in the War on Christmas. Refusing to wear funny hats, going to bed at 10pm, acting disgusted at the very idea of champagne, acting like putting “2007″ on your checks starting tomorrow was deliberate instead of a moment of absent-mindedness?

Open thread standards apply. What’s your resolutions? What do you hope will happen in the New Year? Predictions on the primaries? Can the Democrats actually blow this election? Feel free to discuss these topics and anything else you want.

Events so nearly beyond my control as makes no difference may actually keep me from making it [which would depress me no end] but! Jill Filipovic of Feministe is going to be in Portland tomorrow and Portland Pandagonians are hereby invited to hit Rontom at 9 pm. Or, to put it more organizedly, I’ll quote Jill:

What: Feministe [and Friends!] Portland Meet-Up
Who: Jill, Little Light, Jill’s family, and whoever else can make it!
When: Dec. 30th, 9pm
Where: Rontom’s, on E 6th and Burnside, right on the east side of the Burnside Bridge. The name isn’t on the outside of the bar, but it’s right on the corner of Burnside and 6th and there’s a picture of a man with a propeller backpack above the door.
Why: Because you love Feministe [or Pandagon] and want to party Portland-style.

No, Pandagon wasn’t an afterthought to this gathering - I’m just slow. It’s not impossible that I’ll be there, but frankly, Jill, Little Light, Jill’s family, and beer are probably the bigger draws anyway, right?

The AP compiled responses from the Dem and GOP presidential candidates on various personal topics, such as nicknames, most disliked foods, other blather like that. 

See if any of these really amuse you. 

 

ALTERNATE CAREER CHOICE

DEMOCRATS: Clinton: "Continue to work for causes and issues I care about, in a setting like a university or foundation." Edwards: Mill supervisor. Obama: Architect. Richardson: Center field, New York Yankees.

REPUBLICANS: Giuliani: Sports announcer. Huckabee: Bass guitar player for a touring rock band. McCain: Foreign service. Romney: Auto company chief executive.

FAVORITE FOOD TO COOK

DEMOCRATS: Clinton: "I'm a lousy cook, but I make pretty good soft scrambled eggs." Edwards: Hamburgers. Obama: Chili. Richardson: Diet milkshake.

REPUBLICANS: Giuliani: Hamburgers or steak on the grill. Huckabee: Ribeye steak on the grill. McCain: Baby-back ribs. Romney: Hot dog.

FAVORITE REALITY TV PROGRAM

DEMOCRATS: Clinton: "American Idol." Edwards: College basketball. Obama: "Other than the U.S. Senate on C-SPAN? I don't watch them too often." Richardson: "Fox News."

REPUBLICANS: Giuliani: Baseball. Huckabee: "Nashville Star," USA Network's country music competition. McCain: Arizona Diamondbacks baseball. Romney: "American Idol."

FAVORITE FITNESS ACTIVITY

DEMOCRATS: Clinton: Speed walking. Edwards: Running. Obama: Basketball. Richardson: Horseback riding and tennis.

REPUBLICANS: Giuliani: Golf. Huckabee: Running. McCain: Hiking. Romney: Jogging.

WORST HABIT

DEMOCRATS: Clinton: Chocolate. Edwards: "Drinking soda." Obama: "Checking my Blackberry." Richardson: "Straying from my diet."

REPUBLICANS: Giuliani: "Talking too much." Huckabee: "Channel surfing on TV or radio." McCain: "Coffee." Romney: "Fidgeting."

More opining below the fold.
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I’ve been wanting to blog about this post by Holly about whether or not the social stigma attached to aggression in women explains why women’s humor has also been traditionally discouraged, to the point where there’s a noticeable gender gap in just the sheer numbers of male and female comedians out there. Holly grants that those who make this point have something of a point, including this insightful point by Drew Carey.

…] despite the fact that his ABC comedy employed numerous funny women, comic Drew Carey says the prejudices are real. It’s not so much that women aren’t funny, he explains, as that men don’t want them to be funny. “Comedy is about aggression and confrontation and power,” says the stand-up comic. “As a culture we just don’t allow women to do all that stuff.”

Holly is uneasy with the idea that humor is an aggressive thing, stating:

Smart guy, that Drew Carey. But is comedy really only ever about aggression and confrontation and power? Jessica at Feministing already posted an incredible clip of the hilarious Wanda Sykes in response to the BBC’s article. Sykes’ routine provides plenty of proof that women can be funny (oh oops, she’s gay) as well as that even if humor somehow originated in aggression, it can “eventually become separated from it as wit, jokes, and other comic forms, which then take on an independent life of their own,” as the dermatologist-turned-unicyclist Dr. Shuster pointed out in his misconstrued paper.

As a properly self-effacing woman, I’m going to say that I try to write humor a lot, and while I’ll humbly punt the judgment of my successes to you, the audience, I’m going to argue that my experiences make me think that yes, humor is usually aggressive and if it’s not aggressive, then it’s not funny. (Even the joke that started off this paragraph has an element of aggression to make it work, which is that I exaggerate my humility to make a snotty, angry point about how women aren’t generally allowed the same space to make comments that even smack of bragging, including fairly straightforward statements like, “I write humor.” ) Because I’m a semi-nice person on occasions, I often hit a bump when trying to write something funny, because I realize that X percentage of any audience will probably find it offensive, and I have to steel myself and remember that if it doesn’t have the potential to piss someone off, it’s not funny. Sometimes it’s not an issue, like when I’m mocking public wingnut types, but sometimes you have to go for the kill on stuff that might make some people you like uncomfortable, like mocking religion. As for “wit” being something that might be distinguishable from aggressive humor, I’ll just say that the most common modifier to “wit” is “biting” for a reason.

The piece that Holly links to by Wanda Sykes is extremely aggressive, in my opinion.

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The publisher of Hustler has been on the prowl to catch Republican sexual hypocrite for some time now. Most recently he trotted out former call girl Wendy Ellis who claimed she had a “business relationship” with moralist anti-gay Senator David Vitter. He also claims to have the gay goods on other closeted hypocrites.

In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Bruce Handy gets a lot of ‘quotables” from Flynt.

[W]hat we’re doing now is fun, especially the Republicans. When you’re born in a conservative family, raised conservative—conservatives come into life with so much baggage it’s unbelievable. It’s my theory that aberrant sexual behavior is caused by sexual repression, not sexual permissiveness. People have a lot of guilty feelings, a lot of insecurity about their sexual desires and appetites. It’s a never-ending story. I think about this minister that was seeing a gay guy”—Ted Haggard—“and Larry Craig. It’s baggage those people have carried all their lives. And they’ve deceived everyone. They’ve deceived their family. They’ve deceived their country. I don’t believe that these people should be politicians. Not because you’re gay or have some other peccadillo. But because, if you take a public position contrary to the way you live your life, you’re fair game. That means you’re a hypocrite. And that’s what we’re all about. What we’re exposing is hypocrisy.”

…“The lawmakers in this country don’t deserve a break, because they have so abused their authority by trampling on our rights and constitutional liberties. It’s just unspeakable the things they’ve allowed to happen, either through their inaction or taking an action on the wrong bill. I look at it like, people go to Washington with the best intentions, and they get their pockets stuffed with money from lobbyists and then their constituents can no longer get anything from them. I’m so angry with the political system that anything I can do to cause them misery I will.”

And, you might ask, who is next on Flynt’s list to expose? He does name three to Handy, but not for publication. What we do know:

* a Republican presidential candidate (woohoo!)
* a well-known Republican senator
* another “prominent conservative official” (this is described in the article as involving “hooker parties and no-tell-motel liaisons”

He says he’s closest to confirming and revealing the closeted gay senator (and it’s not Larry Craig, who Handy says refers to himself as a “practicing heterosexual”), and that

“The other shoe’s going to drop any day,” Flynt says, speaking of the other senator. “It’ll surprise a lot of people that he’s gay. And I’ll bet you he resigns the same day and rides off into the sunset. He won’t be as stupid as Craig,” who after an initial vow to leave office changed his mind and instead fought to reverse his guilty plea to disorderly conduct.

Ah, just what we need in this election cycle to spice things up!

Friday fun — any guesses on that list?

If you’re shopping for that difficult-to-buy-for person, how about surfing over to WingNutDaily’s barn-burner sale. Find that special God-fearing inner patriot something special:

Best of all, through Dec. 21 we have some incredible Christmas offers, including:

• Brand new “Help! Mom!” Bundle – that’s all three incredibly funny “Help! Mom!” books, including the best-seller “Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed,” a $47.85 value for only $5! That’s not a typo. You save $42.82! (Offer good while supplies last.)
• Whistleblower Complete Set – 50 percent off! They were already priced at a fraction of the normal price. Now they’re priced at half a fraction!
• Our entire Evolution Department, featuring 18 of the hottest books and DVDs on the explosive subject of evolution – all 50 percent off!
• Our wonderful WND Christmas Gift Baskets – all three varieties – 20 percent off!
• All WND apparel – 20 percent off! And the popular WND Tote – also 20 percent off!
• All bumper stickers – 50 percent off!

I checked out the gift baskets to see how I could contribute toward the defeat of the secular war on Christmas, and I found the perfect one — the God Bless America basket. It’s chock full of wholesome goodness to give to your difficult gift recipient. Here’s just a sampling of what will make them wide-eyed with surprise when they unwrap it:

* A Nation Adrift (DVD) - the true story of how God’s sovereign hand guided the founders of America.

* The Patriots Handbook - A thorough presentation of the foundational ideas, documents, events, and personalities of American freedom, this incredible insight is an ideal resource for citizens contemplating the direction they wish the nation to take during the pivotal years to come.

* The Pledge - The phrase “under God” was aptly chosen because Abraham Lincoln reportedly used the expression, “this Nation under God,” in his immortal “Gettysburg Address.” For several decades, students in public schools all over America have recited the pledge with the words “under God.” Now those words are under legal attack.

Contents also include gourmet hot chocolate mix, scented pine cones, select candies, Tis the Season Auto Magnet, and a Merry Christmas Bracelet. Get this historical basket now for a special friend or loved one.

It’ll set you back $51.96 (marked down from $64.95, already a savings from the retail $129.00!) . Shipping is free, btw.

From 365gay.com. Perhaps The Peter will investigate…

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More humor for the afternoon…Jesus’ General has written a letter to Ed Rollins, the campaign manager for Mike Huckabee, the rapist/murderer-releasing Baptist minister and former Arkansas governor about the “I-35 movement.”

We believe that I-35 is is the “Highway of Holiness” Isiah prophesied about in the Bible, and we’ve been laying “purity sieges” against all the homosexual bars and porno palaces along that sacred freeway.

Unfortunately, Satan got the best of one of our allied organizations, Heartland World Ministries, recently. They had rescued a young homosexual during a purity siege and placed him in a reparative therapy camp. Things were going well. The young man had followed their instructions: he’d thrown out the drugs a secular doctor prescribed to treat his bipolar disorder and was depending on God to cure him; he was sleeping fully clothed to keep him from patting his robertson; and he was refusing contact with his father, a Methodist (might as well be IslamoMormon) preacher.

Then one night, the demons of homosexuality snuck into the compound and whisked him away to his family; He’s at their home now, with his mother, his father, and the Prince of Lies, probably engaged in some kind of John Wesley inspired debauchery with the demons.

We’re planning to purity siege their house on Saturday, and we’d like to the Governor to join us. We’ll need his help kicking Satan’s ass, and it’ll give him something to brag about other than weight loss.

The fundies are hitting Target and Wal-Mart hard for a talking toy Jesus — it utters Bible stories and scripture — despite the fact that the bible-beaters have been angry at both retailers at one point or another over courting the Homo Agenda or participating in the War On Christmas. One wonders what their commitment is to boycotts given this news of “Christian” consumerism.

There’s been much written about the scarcity of Nintendo’s Wii this holiday season, but last week Wal-Mart sold out of another popular toy: the Talking Jesus Messenger of Faith doll. The 12-inch doll is made by one2believe of Valencia, Calif., which also sells Nativity scenes and other Bible action figures such as Samson and Goliath Spirit Warriors.

“We sold out at Wal-Mart, and the toys are still available in a very limited supply at Target.com,” said spokesman Joshua Livingston. The company won’t restock again before Christmas.

The toy company’s press release says there “were doubters who wondered if a 12-inch tall talking Jesus doll that speaks Bible stories and scripture would sell well.”

Founder of one2believe David Socha said: “We feel blessed that the toys are now in the hands of thousands of children, teaching them the word of God. We knew that the toys would make great Christmas gifts, but to see them sell so well before the Christmas buying season begins proves that parents want alternatives in the toy aisle.”

I wonder how well these Tales of Glory Spirit Warrior Action Figures by the same company are doing, sales-wise. Goliath Spirit Warrior and Samson Spirit Warrior appear to be engaged in homoerotic wrestling.

Huckabee and Romney are going to the mat over his Mormon beliefs. Oh, it’s tasty, because WingNutDaily used this to move in for the fundie kill. Tee hee.

Satan has reared his ugly head in the 2008 presidential campaign - literally.

Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has prompted angry denunciations of religious bigotry by rival Mitt Romney as well as an official retort from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for speculating in a New York Times Magazine interview this weekend that Mormons believe Jesus and Satan were brothers.

Stirred by the debate, the Associated Press sought clarification from Kim Farah, a spokeswoman from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

She said the question is usually raised by those who wish to smear the Mormon faith, but she evaded a direct answer to the question: “We believe, as other Christians believe and as Paul wrote, that God is the father of all. That means that all beings were created by God and are his spirit children. Christ, on the other hand, was the only begotten in the flesh and we worship him as the son of God and the savior of mankind. Satan is the exact opposite of who Christ is and what he stands for.”

More to the point, the official website of the LDS church explicitly makes the sibling connection between Jesus and Lucifer a matter of official Mormon doctrine.

Perhaps Satan is running the Romney campaign. Take a look at this, and protect your keyboards. (via Sully, h/t oddjob).

Voters of Iowa, Mitt Romney is desperate to let you know that when it comes to family values, he’s the family value-est. Both Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee are in favor of a constitutional amendment to only allow normal people to get married, but did you know that only Mitt Romney raised the stakes and now wants the amendment to say that only heterosexual couples have the right to own property, to vote, or to have the latest cool gadgets. You may have heard that Mitt Romney supported gay marriage when he was the governor of Massachusetts, but that means that only Mitt Romney knows how gay marriage has devastated that state. The streets are filled with orphans in Massachusetts, and giant rats feed on the flesh of the few remaining survivors. Mitt Romney is opposed to giant gay flesh eating rats, Mike Huckabee loves them.

And that thing Mike Huckabee wanted to do — putting AIDS patients in camps — Mitt Romney would go one better…not just rounding up atheists, but also using waterboarding to see who’s a believer and who isn’t.

Mitt Romney…you used to like him.

I used to do roundups of LGBT stories every once in a while, and Pandagon hasn’t had an open thread out there in a while. Share links to blogs and news stories we should be talking about on any topic, or just put in a nomination for boneheaded remark of the day by any pol.

In the meantime, here are a few random items to nosh on…

* Papa Ratzi: “Gays and lesbians marrying is an obstacle to world peace.” We are a powerful lot, huh? Yet another bleat of the week from the Vatican (h/t Towleroad):

Presenting the nuclear family as the “first and indispensable teacher of peace” and the “primary agency of peace,” the 15-page document links sexual and medical ethics to international relations.

“Everything that serves to weaken the family based on the marriage of a man and woman, everything that directly or indirectly stands in the way of its openness to the responsible acceptance of new life … constitutes an objective obstacle on the road to peace,” Benedict writes.

* Chris Matthews calls for marriage equality. The host of MSNBC’s Hardball normally gets my ire up on quite a few topics, but this is a pleasant surprise. PageOneQ has video.

* The author of one of my favorite books, Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War II, gay historian Allan Berube, has died. The tome was a fantastic work. A statement by his close friend Wayne Hoffman is below the fold.
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Since the tradition started here, we shall join the pile-on. The original baffling stinker of non-humor:

My remake:

Today’s is nearly as bad:

(more…)

Hadn’t heard about this.

I remain skeptical.

I need a break from the insanity of work. I am plum tuckered out from messing with databases today.

‘24′ - the unaired 1994 pilot

While up in Delaware for Thanksgiving, my brother’s colleague Peter showed us this hilarious video, a spoof of the show “24″ showing an “unaired 1994 pilot episode.” In it, Jack Bauer has to disarm a bomb and save the world using 1994 technology — pagers, AOL chat rooms, and damn dial-up.

***

Just thought I’d add Q of the Day: What was your first computer?

I had a horrid little 8088 with two 5.25 disk drives — but it did have a 10 MB hard disk, which was a big deal in 1990.

Someone also passed a Kaypro on to me. Talk about a tank!

[Happy Thanksgiving, all!] 

Just some amusing miscellany. I got rid of my horridly unreliable Ford Focus station wagon last month. Sorry, Ford — really, I've been a loyal customer up until this point, as I had my Mercury Tracer hatchback for 13 years without any troubles whatsoever. This car, only 5 years old, seemed destined for lemondom. I unloaded it while I could get a decent trade out of it.

I waffled over getting a Subaru Outback station wagon (how lezbo!) or a Toyota Prius, given the rising gas prices. I test drove both and liked both, but there was no haggling with the Prius since they are flying off the lots — the dealership was quite smug about it. The Subaru dealer, however, made an offer I couldn't refuse — nearly $5K less than the Toyota.

One of the casualties of dumping the Focus was I lost my stickers and badges, so I went over to Evolvefish and bought some new ones:

And I added this one; it's a magnet, not a sticker —

Kate and I are thinking of starting a pool to see how long this stays on the car before some wingnut around here removes it. Any guesses?

It's unlikely to disappear from where I park at work in downtown Durham (wingnut factor low), but I'm sure if I travel to Cary or Raleigh and park, the likelihood of it being removed goes up substantially.

The very minute this post goes live, Augustlet will be six years old.

Halp.

When Augustlet and I finished reading Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire at bedtimes, we moved on to Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. He made it through The Bad Beginning no problem, but we hit a wall in chapter six of The Reptile Room, as

*SPOILER WARNING*

he displayed what I like to think is a keen sense of literary structure/foreshadowing but may be more related to the author’s warnings of unsuitability, and asked me to stop reading just before Uncle Monty was discovered cold and dead in his chair. So it looks like Lemony Snicket is just a bit too much for him at this time, and we already decided that Order of the Phoenix was probably a bit on the mature end of things. Next we tried a couple of the Terry Pratchett young readers books, and they were too esoteric to be of interest to him.

So:

• Not too dark
• Not too esoteric

I’m looking for as many suggestions as people have, because with the amount we read, we’ll undoubtedly work our way through all of them. Thanks!

Zuzu and the crowd at Feministe have written a version of the “12 Days of Christmas” that deserves a large audience:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my pussy gave to me…

Twelve Nice Guys™ whining,
Eleven spinsters weeping,
Ten hairy armpits,
Nine tampons dripping,
Eight abortions and counting,
Seven bras a-burning,
Six knotted assrags,
Fiiiiive Nuvarings!
Four lying sluts
Three strap-ons,
Two flannel shirts
And a cat sleeping in the bed with me!

Links abound to back up each line. There’s also a demo.

Lindsay has also written lyrics.