I tried to stay away from lolcats for this one, I really did, but I couldn’t really find anything else.
*ring ring*
Augustienne: Hi, what’s up?
Augustlet [in background]: [The five-year-old equivalent of] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*.
Me: Hey, I had a question - did you…what’s he complaining about?
Augustienne: Well, I asked him to get ready to go, and he got very whiny, so I asked him to stop using his whining voice, and you can guess the rest.
Me: Okay, let me talk to him**.
Augustlet: Hellowaaaaaaa?
Me: Hey, buddy, what’s the matter?
Augustlet: Waaaaaashemademeupsetwaaaaaa.
Me: Well, that’s no reason to react that w -
Augustlet: Iknowbutwaaaaaaaaaaa.
Me: Listen to me, you’ve got to -
Augustlet: Yeahbutwaaaaaaaaaa.
Me: Hey, buddy, listen to me for just a sec, okay?
Augustlet: Waaaayes?
Me: Are you listening?
Augustlet: Yes. [sniff]
Don’t chew ice cubes, kids! Or Frosted Flakes, in this case.
First filling ever, four days into my thirty-third year. Should have waited for the cereal to get soggy, I suppose.
Also, from the playing-hunches department: Were any Portland Pandagonians (or, as a secondary guess, Shakers) playing poker on the west side tonight? Speak up!
What Mike Vick did is horrible. Earth-shatteringly, stomach-churningly horrible. If you haven’t read the indictments or heard the stories, I’m going to spare you the most graphic details of Vick’s dog-fighting operation. As I listened to various media outlets discussing this or that particularly violent activity, I was struck at how universal the outrage is. Everyone from West By-god Virginian ex-athletes to liberal ’shock jock’ types, and all their callers, were in agreement that Vick should be fired, suspended, locked up and pilloried. It was a chorus of horrified Americans, united in the idea that anyone who treats animals like that should be punished and we should have our values examined.
And they’re right. I hope they throw away the key.
You know what else is earth-shattering, stomach-churning, graphic, outrageous, and cause for national reflection?
This.
How’d that work out for us?
…why most Senate-floor speeches bore the crap out of me nowadays.
They sound just like the boring sermons of my youth. They might as well be discussing the meaning of ‘charity’ in First Corinthians up there. I mean, I know this is filibuster, so you can’t expect Robert-Byrd-level speechifying and rhetoric, but damn, John Thune, you’re putting me to sleep.
Well, this is better news than it could have been.
The death sentences on foreign medics convicted of infecting Libyan children with HIV have been commuted to life in prison, a Libyan official has said.
Relatives of the 438 children had earlier dropped their demand for the death penalty, after accepting compensation worth $1m per child.
Libya’s High Judicial Council is expected to confirm the new sentences.
Justice has been done! Except, of course, for the fact that they’re still in prison for life, despite being totally innocent.
There’s a lot of good resources on that Wikipedia page for continued action.
Update: Cruella in comments highlights another important action item. Fuck Big Pharma, man.
Hey, what’s up.
Listen, I know you’re busy people - so am I; that’s why I haven’t posted in about a week. And as a busy person, I know what it’s like when someone tries to dump even one more thing on my schedule. So I hesitate-it really pains me to ask this - but, if you have a spare moment and don’t need a nap or anything, do you think you could take a moment to
(No, I’m not actually denigrating your level of activism; that would be the rankest hypocrisy coming from me. But I thought that a momentous occasion probably deserved a little bit of fanfare, and in Auguste’s world, fanfare = irony.)
More on this. And if you live in Connecticut, Nebraska (twice over), Indiana, Idaho, Maine, or Crazytown* it’s really important you call your Senators and, you know, ask them to
SAVE OUR GODDAMN REPUBLIC.
Let’s make our elected representatives rue the day the cell phone companies started offering free long-distance**.
(Don’t forget to do this while you’re at it, if you haven’t already.)
—————————
* A comment on Lamar Alexander, not Tennessee.
** They’re mostly toll-free numbers, but I like hackneyed rhetorical flourishes.
Noble creatures
*ring ring*
OPERATOR: Thank you for calling about your [Business which theoretically should not be offering credit cards] credit card, may I have your acceptance number please?
AUGUSTE: No, I’m just calling because I received your solicitation envelope already open, and I just want to make sure that no one fraudulently tried to apply for this card in my name.
OPERATOR: Okay.
…
…
AUGUSTE: So…you still want that number, I guess?
OPERATOR: Yes.
I don’t think anyone’s ever used this photo to accompany a blog post before!
Last night, I went for a walk and composed an entire post in my head in which I used the Scooter Libby commutation as an excuse to release a righteous fire of condemnation on George W. Bush the likes of which the tubes have never seen. It was (in my head) pithy, funny, outrageous, envelope-pushing, and everything else one wants from a blog post.
Today it’s gone (replaced overnight with a dream about the women of So You Think You Can Dance, I figure), and I’m just depressed.
On the scale of things, is the Libby commutation Bush’s most glaring abuse of power? Is Bush the first president to issue an egregious pardon or commutation? Is it likely to be a straw that breaks the backs of any camels? No. But I’ll be damned if it’s not completely pissing me off.
George W. Bush has spent his entire six and a half years in office with his middle finger extended in our direction. Now he’s full-on mooning us.
Does anyone know of a good house/apartment rental resource that allows one to search for housing opportunities by elementary school?
Any Pandagonians other than myself and karpad geeking out over this?
Update: Well, hell. I expected someone to have covered this post over by now; that’s why I posted it towards the end of my window. Now my geeky shame is on display for all to see!
You’d think Gloria Steinem and the “Cassidy Butches and the WNBA Kids” of the Women’s Sports Foundation would be swinging from the chandeliers–their brush cuts remaining stiff in the breeze–over the 35th anniversary of Title IX.
Emphasis hers. Vomit dripping from the blockquote mine.
Somehow, Debbie, any willingness I might have had to listen to you about flaws in Title IX was pretty much scuttled by that rhetorical stunt you just pulled. You’ve really reached a nadir here, by f-
Every season in its miserable, money-hemorrhaging history, I’ve written an attack piece on that Weird Nuisance Brought on America, that Waste of National Broadcast Airtime, that fake basketball played by 7′2″ she-males who still can’t slam-dunk, otherwise known as the WNBA.
…
You know what? I’m not even going to keep reading that other post, I have too much Title IX bullshit to wade through. But damn.
Title IX has been wielded to dump world class, Olympic Gold Medal-producing programs like Men’s Swimming and Diving at schools like UCLA and USC. It’s been used to eliminate males from competing in track and field at dozens of colleges. And, yes, it’s even the cause of dumping college football programs at some schools. All in the name of important, audience-attracting, popular sports like badminton, lacrosse, and crew. You know, the sports that NBC and ESPN are fighting to show on Saturday afternoons.
But, oddly, you didn’t hear much about it from the chick activists. There was no lacto-ovo, vegan tofu cake with environmentally-friendly candles and a castrated male figure on top. Nope, no celebrations from man-haters with uteruses.
Hee hee. Nice try on the veggie lingo, Schlussel, but you just missed. Anyway, everyone say it with me:
Title IX does not require that any men’s sports be dropped. The only monetary requirement by Title IX is in proportional scholarships*.
Sure, we’ll help you interrogate the suspect. You want us to be good cop, or bad cop?
The military in London’s bustling nightclub and theater district on Friday defused a bomb that could have killed hundreds after an FV513 crew spotted smoke coming from a Mercedes filled with a lethal mix of gasoline, propane and nails, authorities said.
The bomb near Piccadilly Circus was powerful enough to have caused “significant injury or loss of life” - possibly killing hundreds, British anti-terror General Peter Clarke said.
Still not a law enforcement issue, though.
(Actually, for people like Malkin, Schlussel, and LGFers, it is: Let’s get law enforcement to round up every Muslim within our borders.)
Pre-publishing Update: Also, it occurs to me to wonder whether there was a massive anti-Irish backlash during the eighties, when an incident like that would be assumed to be IRA rather than al Qaeda. Anyone?
1. In August 1960, Mr. Richard M. Bissell approached Colonel Sheffield Edwards to determine if the Office of Security had assets that may assist him in a sensitive mission requiring gangster-type action. The mission target was Fidel Castro…
4. Mr. [Robert A.] Maheu advised that he had met one Johnny Roselli on several occasions while visiting Las Vegas. He only knew him casually through clients, but was given to understand that he was a high-ranking member of the “syndicate” and controlled all of the ice-making machines on the Strip. Maheu reasoned that, if Roselli was in fact a member of the clan, he undoubtedly had connections leading into the Cuban gambling interests…
7. During the week of 25 September, Maheu was introduced to Sam [”Gold”] who was staying at the Fontainebleu Hotel, Miami Beach. It was several weeks after his meeting with Sam and Joe, who was identified to him as a courier operating between Havana and Miami, that he saw photographs of both of these individuals in the Sunday supplemental “Parade.” They were identified as Momo Salvatore Giancana and Santos Trafficant, respectively. Both were on the list of the Attorney General’s ten most-wanted men. The former was described as the Chicago chieftain of the Cosa Nostra and successor to Al Capone, and the latter, the Cosa Nostra boss of Cuban operations…
8. In discussing the possible methods of accomplishing this mission, Sam suggested that they not resort to firearms but, if he could be furnished some type of potent pill, that could be placed in Castro’s food or drink, it would be a much more effective operation…
[After two or three people get cold feet and back out, the operation is cancelled after the Bay of Pigs, however…]
At the height of the project negotiations, Sam expressed concern about his girlfriend, Phyllis McGuire, who he learned was getting much attention from Dan Rowan while both were booked at a Las Vegas night club. Sam asked Maheu to put a bug in Rowan’s room to determine the extent of his intimacy with Miss McGuire. The technician involved in the assignment was discovered in the process, arrested, and taken to the Sheriff’s office for questioning. He called Maheu and informed him that he had been detained by the police. This call was made in the presence of the Sheriff’s personnel.
Subsequently, the Department of Justice announced its intention to prosecute Maheu along with the technician. On 7 February 1962, the Director of Security briefed the Attorney General, Robert Kennedy, on the circumstances leading up to Maheu’s involvement in the wiretap. At our request, prosecution was dropped…
17. On 2 December 1968, Roselli, along with four other individuals, was convicted of conspiracy to cheat members of the Friars Club of $400,000 in a rigged gin rummy game…
19. …Maheu…received a call from Thomas Waddin, Roselli’s lawyer, who stated that all avenues of appeal had been exhausted, and his client now faces deportation. Waddin indicated that, if someone did not intercede on Roselli’s behalf, he would make a complete expose of his activities with the Agency.
Which he did, but it’s great to see the CIA’s official version. This stuff is gold.
Secrets of White House briefings - revealed!
It’s been staring me in the face all along, I don’t know how I’ve been missing it: Trey Parker and Matt Stone are philosophers of the highest order.
When the “Underpants Gnome” story first came out, we all mistook it for an e-Business allegory, ruthlessly skewering Internet “business models” long on optimism and short on details. It’s the stuff of internet memes by now, of course:
Phase 1 - Collect Underpants
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - Profit
Ha ha ha. Kozmo.com, Pets.com, Webvan.com CEOs must have been gnashing their teeth at the screen. But - and maybe I’m the only one who didn’t realize this - Parker and Stone didn’t just nail the Internet bust with the underpants gnomes idea. They stumbled upon a grand philosophical allegory for modern American life.
I heard someone argue the other day that we shouldn’t worry too much about alternative fuels, because when we run out of oil, we’ll be forced to find alternatives. “Overcoming adversity is the American way!” So we have:
Phase 1 - Run out of oil
Phase 2 - ?
Phase 3 - Alternative energy-based society
Of course, the fact that Phase 2 in this case is “millions - even billions - starve to death” is an unfortunate truth. Hell, at least in this case, there is an imaginable Phase 2, as horrible as it is. Consider the biggest underpants gnomes working today: The Iraq hawks.
A Gay Pride march in Jerusalem has taken place amid tight security, sparking fierce protests among the holy city’s religious communities.
An ultra-Orthodox Jewish man was arrested for planning to bomb the parade, Israeli police said.
At least 18 other people were arrested during the march, which came after Israel’s High Court rejected an appeal by religious groups to ban it.
More than 7,000 police were deployed to secure the parade to prevent clashes.
Israeli police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said officers found an explosive device in the bag of the alleged bomb plotter.
“He admitted he planned on planting it on the route of the parade today,” Mr Rosenfeld said.
At least 15 people were arrested for throwing stones at police on Wednesday night after the court appeal was rejected…
The event, held in Jerusalem since 2001, has been denounced in the past by conservative Jewish, Christian and Muslim groups which share a view that homosexuality is an abomination.
Violent homophobia: The key to intra-fundamentalist harmony.
Not all the fundamentalists behaved badly, though.
I am proud of ultra-Orthodox rabbis and yeshiva masters, who, though appalled by the parade and what they see as the abomination of homosexuality, publicly and unequivocally forbade their students from taking part in violent demonstrations.
I am proud of a country that scorns the slimy Meir Kahane disciple Itamar Ben-Gvir when he screams at gay celebrants in a Tel Aviv parade “the Nazis should have finished you off.”
I am proud of the policeman on King David Street who, when asked by a passing pre-schooler about the flag with the rainbow colors, replied, “There are boys who love boys, and girls who love girls.”
I’m not sure how much praise people should get for essentially saying “hate all you want, just don’t injure anybody”, but then again if all the fundamentalists clerics in all the world’s religions took the stance of the rabbis (on everything), at least we might get to a state of tense standoffishness rather than, well, what we have now.
Stab victim ‘continued masturbating’
——
(The story itself is extremely disturbing, though.)
Say, that looks like a Longhorns hat. Umm…has anyone seen Amanda lately?
An FBI agent, channeling his Hoover-era predecessors:
It would be rare that a young woman would be traveling the country all by herself.
Yes, you read that right. The FBI believes that the “ponytail bandit” must have an accomplice, because she’s a woman, and women can’t handle this kind of thing. In fact, although I can’t find the quote online, I heard on the radio that they suspect [paraphrased] “some sort of ex-convict, hardened criminal, behind the scenes of this string of robberies.”
That’s a somewhat flippant title, but it underscores what I feel is an important reaction to this.
When an arrest was made on February 23rd ten weeks after Laura Dickinson’s death, it was the first time her family knew she had been raped and murdered. It was the first time her fellow classmates at Eastern Michigan University knew she had been raped and murdered, too. In her dorm room. Since December, they’d thought the 22-year-old had died of natural causes…
Eastern Michigan University’s violation of the Clery Act—a federal statute enacted in 1990 that requires all colleges and universities receiving federal aid to record and disclose information about crime on and near their respective campuses—is painfully ironic, as such violation proves its very need. Given the grimly similar circumstances to the case out of which the requirement was born, the violation is particularly tragic as well: The Clery Act was named for Jeanne Clery, a Lehigh University freshman who was raped and murdered in her dorm room in 1986, and whose parents discovered that the university had not disclosed to current and prospective students 38 violent crimes on the campus in the three years preceding Jeanne’s murder.
There are so many levels on which this is a disgusting breach of public trust on the part of Eastern Michigan University. Their impulse to sweep a rape and murder under the rug to protect their image is an impulse one could imagine many other universities emulating; enrollment is king and every student who decides not to go to Eastern Michigan University based on bad publicity is money out of the administration’s pockets. As Melissa points out,
Eastern Michigan University decided that the rape and murder of more of their female students was a risk they were willing to take, if only they could avoid a little more bad publicity.
How’s that working out for ya?
Yes, Eastern Michigan University, how indeed?
When people act badly, as Eastern Michigan University certainly did, they also expose that which they fear. When what they fear is as craven as this, that fear must be exploited, to warn other universities that Eastern Michigan University’s example must not be followed, or their precious enrollment will suffer, too.
(Also, I have to say, it takes some balls to announce the standard 5% increase in room and board in the midst of this scandal.)
Update:
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
Eastern Michigan University
…just in case anyone needed a handy reference…or anything.
5atan: I’m in ur base killin ur d00dz.
Joob: Oh n0es!!! Mah kidz n camlz!! O mah achin shizzle!! Whaddup Gh0d??!?!?
M3snjer: O hai, ur bukkit was eated bi an erthqwake!
Reed hole thing, (N comments 2!) kthx.
Um, when we said ‘No glove, no love’, Mr. Dukes…
Elijah Dukes is a baseball player. He’s fairly well-known for hitting a home run in his first major league at-bat, a relatively rare occurrence - and his second in his second game, too. He’s also known for texting MMSing a picture of a gun to his wife just in case the death threats he was leaving on her voice mail weren’t clear enough. Two restraining orders on two different women, probation for domestic battery, assault, resisting a police officer, the list does go on.
And as bad as his behavior appears to be, I’m not even writing this post about him: This post is about his mother.
Is Tony Snow trying to make the President look stupid? Very clever:
Q: Are there any members of the Bush family or this administration in this war?
SNOW: Yeah, the President. The President is in the war every day.
Q: Come on, that isn’t my question –
SNOW: Well, no, if you ask any president who is a commander in chief –
Q: On the frontlines, wherever…
SNOW: The President.
Ooh. Such a tough war leader.
Once more unto the breach, you guys, once more,
Or close the wall up with your American dead!
In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility;
But when the blast of war blows in your ears,
Which I can totally hear on our weekly conference call,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
and order a steak sandwich from the White House kitchen.
Portland mayor Tom Potter on yesterday’s immigration raid:
I am angered by this morning’s arrest by federal officers of approximately 150 Portland residents who were working at a local produce company.
I certainly understand why federal officials executed criminal warrants against three individuals who stole and sold Social Security numbers. But to go after local workers who are here to support their families while filling the demands of local businesses for their labor is bad policy. It also serves as a reminder of the failure of our national leaders to deliver an immigration policy that is both fair and humane to families and acknowledges the economic realities of our country.
Our nation would be better served if this kind of energy was focused on creating a comprehensive approach to immigration reform that provides a path to citizenship; addresses the immigration backlog that keeps families apart; and provides a safe and legal way for workers to enter our country and be productive workers and taxpayers. Immigrants provide more than mere labor in our community. They have long enriched our history, our culture and our city. My heart goes out to families dealing with the aftermath of this morning.
In this morning’s raid, no Portland police officers participated, and our Crisis Response Team was activated to help families affected.
As Atrios might say, reward (what certainly appears to be) good behavior. Mayor Potter may be reached by e-mail.
Fixed that for you, Salon
Let me state up front that I love ads. Well not so much ads as what ads do for me. To wit: Advertising allows me to get shit for free.
I’m aware of the economic arguments that time spent watching ads is unproductive time, and therefore not, in fact, free, but if I’m already watching a television show that I enjoy, I’m not working. Would I spend eight minutes saved during a half hour sitcom developing a product or providing a service? I’m watching a sitcom, for crying out loud. My industriousness is already highly suspect. The same applies, I would argue, to Internet advertising. Ads can be annoying, but what’s the alternative? NYT-style paywalls? Pay-per-read? During the crest and early fall of the dotcom bubble, the concept of micropayments was really starting to pick up steam, and visions of hundreds of $1.00 charges danced in our heads. It frankly struck fear in my heart. Fortunately I didn’t need to worry; there’s a great article by Clay Shirky from December 2000 making the case against the micropayment system, and it sums things up nicely:
The Short Answer for Why Micropayments Fail
Users hate them.
The Long Answer for Why Micropayments Fail
Why does it matter that users hate micropayments? Because users are the ones with the money, and micropayments do not take user preferences into account.
In particular, users want predictable and simple pricing. Micropayments, meanwhile, waste the users’ mental effort in order to conserve cheap resources, by creating many tiny, unpredictable transactions. Micropayments thus create in the mind of the user both anxiety and confusion, characteristics that users have not heretofore been known to actively seek out.
Certain micropayment systems, of course, have been wildly successful - iTunes, for one - but they’re pretty much the exceptions. Membership-driven models also work - even the widely reviled TimesSelect appears to be fairly healthy - but it usually takes some superlative content to make people fork over their cash. A google search for “dropping HBO” reveals an exodus after last nights’ Sopranos finale, and given that HBO’s broadcast business model begins and ends with subscriptions*, this is pretty damn critical.
But advertising is still where it’s at, for radio, TV, and the internet, and I say fine. Given the choice between good** content for free, good content with a pipeline directly to my wallet, or no content, I’m going to choose column A.
Then again.
In a typical week, I complete 6-8 [units of work product]. This week, I am flying solo, and have (at this point) about 12-13 [units of work product] to do by Monday morning. Guess what has to give?
Anyway, honor of [temporarily] hating one’s lot in life, here’s a little clip from Fantasia 2000. I love animation, and I love George Gershwin, so I definitely love this; too bad YouTube’s ten-minute limit means the first two minutes are cut, but it’s still a lot of fun.
Tell us again how it’s military action that keeps us safe.
A suspected terrorist cell planned a “chilling” attack to destroy John F. Kennedy International Airport, kill thousands of people and trigger an economic catastrophe by blowing up a jet fuel artery that runs through populous residential neighborhoods, authorities said Saturday.
Three men were arrested and one was being sought in Trinidad on Saturday. In an indictment charging the four men, one of them is quoted as saying the foiled plot would “cause greater destruction than in the Sept. 11 attacks,” destroying the airport, killing several thousand people and destroying parts of Queens, where the line runs underground.
One of the suspects, Russell Defreitas, a U.S. citizen native to Guyana and former JFK employee, said the airport was a symbol that would put “the whole country in mourning…”
The plot never got past the planning stages. It posed no immediate threat to air safety or the public, the FBI said Saturday.
“The devastation that would be caused had this plot succeeded is just unthinkable,” U.S. Attorney Roslynn R. Mauskopf said at a news conference, calling it “one of the most chilling plots imaginable.”
Obviously, the methods used to stop this terror plot are as yet unclear; there are “law enforcement” methods that those of us concerned about civil liberties are against. But that aside, we see once again that terrorism is a law enforcement issue. Nevertheless, be prepared for the onslaught of wingnuts telling us that this just goes to show how we liberals have our heads in the sand, that there’s real danger in the world and if it were up to us the terrorists would have free reign (we’d probably even try to disband the FBI!) and that therefore we should bomb Iran.
