Now this had me roaring. EHarmony was founded by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, who had close ties to Daddy Dobson before expanding his online dating service beyond Christian singles. J.P. Duffy, a subscriber who married through the service — and is also media director for the Family Research Council — got wind of the service’s new advice newsletter, “Navigating the one-night stand,” from a friend…and, well, there was an eruption.
“Our friend read the first few lines: ‘So you’re a swinging single, and you’ve had a one-night stand. What’s the etiquette for establishing boundaries, calling the day after and getting out without hurting feelings?’” the couple wrote.An apology was quickly issued from eHarmony’s Stan Holt, vice president for publishing:“Promoting such high-risk, promiscuous behavior is outrageous and irresponsible,” they wrote. “The advice column glosses over the risks of sexually transmitted diseases … ,” they wrote. “Also glossed over is the increased risk for violence among those who ‘navigate’ multiple sexual partners.”
“eHarmony is committed to helping its members find highly compatible, long-term relationships and I regret that the inappropriate content and tone of the column could lead our members to believe that we were not interested in their long-term relationship success.”…You deserve and expect the best from eHarmony and we are dedicated to providing information that resonates with our diverse, vibrant, and thriving community,” he continued. “Please be assured that we are immediately upgrading our editorial review process and are also reviewing our existing content to make sure that it is consistent with the interests of our members.”
27 Responses to “eHarmony ditches its ‘one-night stand’ advice newsletter”
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Ew. You just caused me to click a link to WND. Warn me before you do that.
So how DO you tell a woman you just slept with that you never want to see her again? That better be some heavy-duty “etiquette.”
Watch out, those dating service are GIANT data mining service. I can’t imagine what will become of all those poor sap’s profile.
Read TOS and see if you can erase your profile, or else don’t.
“diverse, vibrant, and thriving community”
They put the “diverse” first because it’s the big lie. They should go into politics.
So how DO you tell a man you just slept with you never want to see him again? Can you say Protection From Abuse Order?
Those chemistry.com ads, where they talk about how “eHarmony rejected me,” are they just referring to eHarmony’s homophobic refusal to match gays and lesbians? Or is there more?
Grammar RWA:
I’ve heard that if you answer the extensive membership survey in the “wrong” way — i.e., in ways that might indicate atheism or extreme leftism — they’ll reject you. Don’t know how true that is, though.
I hate to analyze things so superficially, but I can’t get over the initial impression that the seething hatred of one-night stands is born at least in part of jealousy.
I’ve also heard that if you don’t fit the stereotypical Ward and June Cleaver mold, they’ll reject you.
If you are over 6′ and female. If you are a highly paid female. If you are a highly educated female. Those qualities make it harder to find a taller, richer, smarter man to be the head of the household.
Likewise if you are a 5′3″ male with a high school degree and currently unemployed.
Oh, and they don’t want to match older women with younger men.
It’s not a dating service’ it’s NOAH’s Ark.
Cue Shel Silverstein: They marched in the animals two by two… and you just didn’t see no unicorns.
So, if the post-one night stand advice had included guidance on how long to flagellate yourself to expiate your sin, would it have been okay?
Ah, flagellatin’ the ol’ penitent, yeah?
Say no more!
Whip whip, crack crack, nudge nudge.
I once created 2 accounts and give them some aspects of my personality each. Those services says the two half should not met each other ever.
heh heh.
Long live data mining.
I’ve never done a one night stand, but it seems to me the OBVIOUS etiquette is to agree, at the start, that it’s a one night stand. If you do that the only awkwardness will be if one person says, “That was so great I’ve changed my mind and would like to see you again,” leaving the other person to agree or say, “That was great, but my situation is such that I cannot pursue a relationship at this time.”
I once filled in their questionnaire when I was an intern at a place that wanted to create their own dating service. They went all over the Internet looking for surveys to try so that we could learn more about how they worked: typical questions, typical time to fill out the survey, etc…
e-Harmony took me two bloody days! It was insane! It was so elaborate and filled with so much weird stuff. I just remember wanting to cry after about the 40th page of questions. And then, since I was already married, when they started trying to send me out on dates I had to say no.
The other weird thing about e-Harmony is that they don’t let you get into direct contact with matches. I believe they are the “middle man” until you meet.
“The other weird thing about e-Harmony is that they don’t let you get into direct contact with matches. I believe they are the “middle man” until you meet.”
/snark: So, do they have posted etiquette for one-night three-ways?/end snark/
how DO you tell a man you just slept with you never want to see him again?
You just never call him. Duh.
Is it wrong that I only feel guilty doing that to women?
Never mind the politics behind it, it doesn’t make any sense for eHarmony to have information about one night stands because their whole market niche is that they are the internet dating site you go to when you are looking to get married. Encouraging casual dating totally goes against that. They have a brand to uphold. (eHarmony is still creepy though.)
I thought EHarmony doesn’t even let you browse profiles? They just send you the people they think you’re compatible with.
LOLZ, Samantha!
What if Emily Post had a one night stand? It wouldn’t be awkward at all– “That was so great I’ve changed my mind and would like to see you again,”
“That was great, but my situation is such that I cannot pursue a relationship at this time.”
“Of course! I understand. Well, thank you for a pleasant evening and enjoy the rest of your life.”
“Why, you are very welcome. It was an enchanting evening and I wish you nothing but the best for the future.”
No thank you notes required. Just make sure to take all your personal belongings with you.
“Eeeeeek,” Mr. Duffy ejaculated.
I signed up for eHarmony last December, I indicated that I’m atheist, don’t want kids, and black. I wasn’t rejected. As a matter of fact, I was matched up with a guy that was also an atheist that doesn’t want kids, and is white. Guess they hit the diversity trifecta. Go figure.
My understanding was that the whole “rejected by eHarmony” thing really just meant that they had told you they didn’t have any matches for you at that time. It makes me feel gross to defend eHarmony, but I actually think that makes sense. If I had signed up for an internet dating service and they didn’t have anyone they thought I would be a good match with, I would rather they just tell me that than send me on dates with people they didn’t think would suit me.
Slightly more on topic, if J.P. Duffy got married through eHarmony, how come he is still trolling the site? I know, he claims “a friend” told him about it, but come on now.
Nah, Ophelia. At the very least, they really do refuse to match gay and lesbian couples.
Go to their front page. You have two options.
I’m a:
Man seeking a woman.
Woman seeking a man.
I don’t particularly have a problem with this — their explicit stated expertise is in finding compatible matches between men and women.
I don’t expect gaysinglesonline.com to give me a ton of help in finding a straight gal to date (not that it’s an issue at the moment). Just saying.
Well, it’s a Xtian site isn’t it? Traditionally they go for forty days and forty nights…
I’m disturbed by the “increased risk of violence” remark myself.
That is their front.
The fact is, Neil Clark Warren’s unprofessional opinion is that gays and lesbians cannot have meaningful, loving long-term relationships. Cause faggits is goin ta hell.
So they don’t match gays and lesbians, because what would be the point? They’re all headed for tragedy anyway.
The site’s supposed expertise derives from a starting point of bigotry. This should just be a rehearsal of your previous lessons: #1, never take assholes at their word.