I was once seriously involved with an artist who could not make a living on her work and thus always had a day job. This made her miserable, and rightly so. Had the relationship otherwise worked out, I would have financially supported both of us in a heartbeat.

I think everybody ought to be able to support themselves just in case they ever really need to, but there’s something to be said for loving someone so much that you’re willing to make their path in life more bearable.

The advantage of going through the RSS feed at work…

“Life in capitalist America : private profit and social decay” Stephanie Coontz … [et al.] (New York: Pathfinder Press, [1975]).

“Women’s work, men’s property : the origins of gender and class” edited by Stephanie Coontz and Peta Henderson (London: Verso, 1986).

“The social origins of private life : a history of American families, 1600-1900″ Stephanie Coontz (London: Verso, 1988).

“The way we never were : American families and the nostalgia trap” Stephanie Coontz (New York: BasicBooks, 1992).

“The way we really are : coming to terms with America’s changing families” Stephanie Coontz (New York: BasicBooks, 1997).

“American families : a multicultural reader” edited by Stephanie Coontz with Maya Parson and Gabrielle Raley (New York: Routledge, 1999).

“Marriage, a history : from obedience to intimacy, or, How love conquered marriage” Stephanie Coontz (New York: Viking, 2005).

Also

“Values and the traditional family [videorecording]” Learning Seed (Marrickville, N.S.W.: Science Press, c1994).

My husband stayed home with the kids for our son’s first 18 months. I had a job and hadn’t finished my degree yet. He did not have a job and had finished his 1st degree.

I would be turned off by someone who had as a life goal being a stay at home parent, either male or female. Kids are in school 6-8 hours a day starting at 6 throughout most of the US. Adults should be able to support themselves, if not themselves and their families. Homemaking will not accomplish this, though many home businesses will.

I know not every one agrees with me on this, but really, why would anyone want someone as a partner who wasn’t willing to at least try to meet a share of both home and out-in-the-world work? For at least the majority of their shared lifetime? Note that I consider multiple small children being taken care of by whichever partner does not earn enough to cover daycare for same is an extremely rational option, especially for infants with the dirth of good infant care, as is one partner taking time out to focus on young children because of personal and/or family preference and needs.

Indeed. Life would be so much easier for us males if we still lived in a time where our relationships involved essentially arranged marriages to subservient women who didn’t divorce us.

And by “easier”, I mean in the same sense my degree would be so much easier if I got it by writing to an address off the back of a matchbox.

If a man decides to be the primary childcare provider because his wife has a great career that she loves and which can easily pay all the bills, he is considered a SAINT. If he decides to keep working, that’s OK too.

If a women does the same thing, nobody even notices. And if she doesn’t, she is considered a selfish bitch who cares more about her own cold ambition than the welfare of her children.

An argument that no one has about men. I guess one of the differences between men and women is that women ought to have their life choices decided by community consensus.

Junk Science, unless you know a whole lot of househusbands or stay-at-home-dads, I’d guess that the difference is a whole lot less than you think. Personally, I’ve known all sorts of couples but I’ve never known any where only the mom worked while the dad took care of the home and kids. I’m sure it happens; I’ve just never actually seen it.

No one has that argument about men because it’s assumed that, regardless of whether their partner works or not, men must work. It’s not a subject for discussion; there is no choice to consider. That’s the community consensus.

I remember that during a discussion of feminism in a political science class I took a couple of years ago, the prof asked the men in the class if they’d be willing to accept a househusband/full-time parenting role with our wives as sole breadwinners. Half of the 8 guys (including me) said we would. Then she asked the women in the class if they’d be interested in such an arrangement. 2 of the 12 women in the class said they would. Most were pretty intensely turned off by the idea.