I suspect your objections are not really about the supposed religious connotations, though. If they were, you wouldn’t object to me calling annoying kids ’snatchdragons’ or ’snotminers’ which I fully expect you to do within 90 seconds of reading this post.

Children are the “fruit of our loins.” Crotches are indeed involved. Thus, “crotchfruit” is at least accurate.

Bruce: Speaking as an ex-Protestant, I’d say you have the thought processes of a hyothetical Protestant down pretty well.

Explanation noted. Admonition to ‘lighten up’ not appreciated.

“The Mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.”
“Thank God. I mean, thanks be to God.”

felagund, I need to get that T-shirt for my boyfriend. If someone comes up to him and tries to “expose” him to the Bible, he can tell them that we have no fewer than four Bibles at home, that he has read and studied the New Testament extensively, and that if it was going to convert him it would have taken hold by now.

(Four Bibles: my pink First Communion bible, his Catholic school bible, an NRSV both of us used in the course of majoring in religious studies, and an EXTREME TEEN BIBLE bought solely for the hilarious cover montage of teens engaging in EXTREME sports while holding up the Bible in an EXTREME fashion.)

(We also have the Book of Mormon, which contains the word “mightest.” My boyfriend’s old roommate, currently getting his Ph.D in American religion, corrected it in the margin to “wouldst.”)

I have two disabled children of my own, folks, and I am home with them now. Their names are Sam and Noah; they are 5 and 2. We use sign language to help Sam communicate; he is autistic. Noah is also autistic but he seems to respond to verbal cues more. Sam loves to play percussion and has better pitch and rhythm than his Dad. Noah LOVES to color, all day, and to snuggle with his Planket.

The live blogging was representative of a hypothetical blogger in a hypothetical Protestant church. I am an atheist and have no background in the Protestant churches.

Sometimes writers assume a persona that is not their own. In the U.S., this is lawful for comedic and dramatic effect. In most churches (not all), ushers are male and so I also probably would not find the usher “hot” (given my orientation, etc.) But I probably would not be in a Protestant church with a “pastor” either because the “church I don’t believe in anymore” usually calls them “priests.” Not the clue: “if THEY live-blogged churchES,” not “if I live-blogged the last Catholic church I set foot in….”

Everybody, please, Metamucil, for the love of Pete. I have to go now because I have faces to kiss and asses to wipe, or the other way around, I forget.