Posted by Amanda Marcotte February 7, 2008 in Asides, Images
Ha! I just loved this image that David Neiwert found.
Could be worse, I suppose. She could be on all fours.
72 Responses to “Guaranteed virgin fresh”
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OMG, it’s Bruce’s DAUGHTER! Quick; take this down before he has a shit hemmorhage…
I don’t know, that’s a pretty skimpy top. I think she might secretly be a rebellious jezebelle
Who in the hell wants a virgin?! Certainly no one interested in having good sex.
So, when you get raptured up to heaven, do the implants go with you? Or do they stay behind?…
So is this supposed to suggest that she’s a demure virgin NOW, but as soon as you marry her she’ll turn into a lust puppy? One with appealingly large fake boobs?
You’d have thought they’d photoshop out both nipples before slapping that clipart up on their ad.
I wonder how much they charge athiests to join?
Who else but a christian would join this anyways?
How much does it cost for the rest of us?
How much do you think they would charge an athiest to join?
Looks like God got a little help from Dow Corning when he created that woman.
Wasn’t there a whole thing a year or two ago where a bunch of teenage fundie boys were deciding what articles of clothing and actions by a girl would lead them to temptation? I think they called it a “block,” as in the girl was blocking their path to heaven because he knew she had dirty pillows under that shapeless sweatshirt.
(As this was teenage boys, the answers pretty much all boiled down to, “If she’s female, I want to fuck her no matter what she’s wearing. Help me, Jesus!”)
So, this isn’t a website for religious folks so much as it is for Anti-Semites, right?
I’m pretty sure that tank top is a stumbling block.
I will say that I saw a prime opportunity for
trollingresearch there, and non-Christians are really not welcome. You have to choose a denomination, and the only conceivable options are “Other” or “Tell you later”.I’m pretty sure that tank top is a stumbling block.
My comment is (hopefully) in mod but — yes! Stumbling block! That was the word I couldn’t remember!
Besides, isn’t church where you are supposed to find the lonely and virginal christian mate of your dreams? Surely not the internet, in the middle of the night, when you are all alone, with all of those stumbling blocks (not to mention sluts just waiting to im you to tempt you).
My gawd that is super white. What tickles me is that it’s a “safe christian community”
What? Where they going to get beat up at match.com? Or was someone going to use a swear word at them?
That should be “were”. sorry.
That’s right, Ultra Magnus. And the heathens at match.com might have STIs, and the women might use birth control. Any one of them might listen to devil music. There are just so many ways that a good person might be tempted into sin by secularists and liberals. No one ever lost money by overestimating the insularity of true believers.
That kinda looks like Anna Coulter.
And by Anna I mean Anne. But you all know that.
Safe Christian Community
Right. Because Jesus actually acts as a barrier to HIV when you have het sex missionary-style.
MAJeff, the guys who want virgins definitely don’t want good sex, they want a woman who doesn’t know she’s getting lousy sex.
I want Ann Althouse’s opinion on this blatant exploitation of mammaries.
No, that woman looks nothing like Ann Coulter. For one thing, I’ve looked at her, and my eyeballs are still intact.
Christians Join Free? So what is the cost for a Muslim or Jew seeking a nubile Christian virgin?
Actually when reading the Nation online I have received similar advertisements for Single Muslims. Obviously they were not as sketchy, as Muslims that are dating to begin with won’t be as crazed as Christians. I believe that in order to date you have to be a liberalish Muslim. Ms. Kate, that of course would be admission that they are going to hell, acceptance of the white shining light of Jesus into their hearts, and a fifty dollar monthly charge just to date the person.
This can’t be Coulter. Has tits, doesn’t have adam’s apple.
Still one of the funniest ads I’ve seen in YEARS.
“I want Ann Althouse’s opinion on this blatant exploitation of mammaries.”
They’re no problem at all. You see, these are nice, white, protestant, christian breasts, just as god intended. These breasts represent all that is good in god’s plan for humanity, including breeding lots of christian soldiers, while engaging in marital relations just often enough to maintain a full quiver.
They’re nothing at all like those evil, feminist, Klinton-attracting breasts that Jessica Valenti wantonly thrust into Althouse’s innocent face. Those breasts represent all of the satanic lusts which tempt some people away from god’s love. Needless to say, those people eagerly give in to the temptation and lose their souls to perdition.
See the difference?…
Mnemosyne, I had to google it to be sure I had it right! lol
They’re nothing at all like those evil, feminist, Klinton-attracting breasts that Jessica Valenti wantonly thrust
…God, I’m getting hot…
into Althouse’s innocent face.
Nope, the mood just passed.
The funniest part about this website is that just like most of those other “meet hot singles” sites, it’s probably just a bunch of homemakers ironing clothes, chatting on their cell - “ooh baby, ooh” for $10/hour.
These ads are marketed like processed cheese singles (Melt one on your burger today!)
Y’all have my permission to join the website as Methodists. I’ve been informed that it’s all the same.
I was in Bentonville, AR, this week at a Church of Christ hosted funeral - I might as well have said I was a table dancin’ atheist without panties when I told the church ladies that my branch of the family was all Methodist.
ZOMG…
teh hooters!
PS. is it me or that is the weirdest ad ever? I mean, even escort service ad doesn’t go all that.
do christian boys wank? nahh that would be way too much fun for them….
I was in Bentonville, AR, this week at a Church of Christ hosted funeral - I might as well have said I was a table dancin’ atheist without panties when I told the church ladies that my branch of the family was all Methodist.
idiosynchronic,
I had a slightly similar thing happen with my mom when we were paying at a gas station a few years ago. We were in line, my mom in front of me, and this black man who we knew was a new local pastor, was standing and he turns to my mom and out of nowhere asks if she goes to church. She said she did and he asked her where and she said the name of our Methodist church. His polite smile turned to a frown and he asked, to confirm, if she was a Methodist and she said she was and without missing a beat the next words out of his mouth were, “Oh, I’m very sorry to hear that.”
He then tried to give her his “business” card for his new church, which was Baptist of course, and she declined. He wasn’t happy about it but he paid for his items and left. That wasn’t the first time something like that happened either. Methodists, especially black Methodists, are rare in our tiny town and for the Baptists it’s like a game to try to get them to convert.
I was in Bentonville, AR, this week at a Church of Christ hosted funeral - I might as well have said I was a table dancin’ atheist without panties when I told the church ladies that my branch of the family was all Methodist.
I had to sit through a Christian Reformed funeral this past fall. My sister is a UM minister, and my parents are members. I’m sure that this was disgusting, but acceptable to the minister (women aren’t allowed to be ministers in the CRC). He did make a point during his sermon (or whatever the fuck) and while sitting next to me to make it clear that I had no hope or meaning in life because I’m an atheist. What a worthless belief system.
Fuck him! Belief in that nonsense is worthless, leading only to ridiculousness, ignorance, and hatred.
I’m going to have to disagree. She is much more attractive than Anne Coulter. She looks like she might possibly be a human being (Anne Coulter’s limp, lifeless hair really freaks me out. That, and her evil politics.). Of course, I am amused not so much because this woman is attractive (meh) as I am because of the incredibly ironic placement of her image in an ad for a Christian dating site. Adding to the weirdness is the way the aliasing on the low-res photo has effectively made her right nipple seem to be ginormous. I can’t believe that this ad hasn’t raised eyebrows for the owners of the website in question.
I might as well have said I was a table dancin’ atheist without panties when I told the church ladies that my branch of the family was all Methodist.
I hope you’ve learned your lesson. Next time, tell them you’re a table-dancing atheist without panties. If you’re going to get the same reaction, why not have some fun with it?
Don’t be ridiculous, PiOTR. The Clenis is nowhere in that picture. However, if someone were to Photoshop the ad with the former president I’m sure Prof. Alt would be happy to foam about it.
I thought the visible nipple was photoshopped on.
It’s photoshopped boobies. A Christian thing to do.
Which boobies will Jesus photoshopped?
(This is endlessly amusing. I know. I am shameless.)
I’d hit it.
glad I’m a queer atheist……yet again.
I was planning to get onto the website and see if “Roman Catholic” was one of the allowed denominations, since I hear we’re not real Christians, but instead I clicked on the part that lets you search for people in your area. Just left everything on default.
What kind of Christian website has “lusciouspussy” as a member?
Are lesbian christians allowed? Do they still get in free?
I don’t know where to put this so I’ll start here.
My local teevee station last night ran a hideous ‘video news release’ about an Iraqi veteran that was involved in an IED attack, half his face was blown off (complete with pictures on the ’spot’ they ran). He spent months in the hospital and ‘thousands of people prayed’ and the soldier himself attests to his ‘godly mission’ in Iraq. He woke up yelling bible verses and his ;miracle recovery’ is due to ‘the power of prayer and the holy spirit’. Nevermind that his weapons dispatched hundreds of Iraqi citizens to heaven too early.
I was just blown away! I couldn’t believe that crap being used to fill in during the 6 o;clock news! The christian taliban is alive and well in Flint Michigan. Oh, ans we are reminded to tune in to their prime time running of a show called ‘healing in faith’ or ‘faith in healing’ or something which is all about how ‘faith’ can heal everything wrong with you and work miracles in your life… The newscasters were pretty shocked at what was broadcast as they acted all ‘wow, what the hell was that’ after it was over.
The stations comment email address is mail@nbc25.net and the station is weyi at weyi.com or nbc25online.com.
It’s obviously a christian taliban station now… It’s owned by Barrington Broadcasting…
This reminds me of a ’secret’ at PostSecret. It was of a lingerie clad female body with the words to the effect that she loves breaking their vows and driving them wild…
Yeah baby!
Problem is, it would be so easy to do for so many of them… But if it wasn’t for hipocrisy, would we have religion?
You cannot bend your back in desire, slouch your shoulders in submission and still have the girls stand at attention. God did NOT supply those boobs but I hope she got a discount because she’s missing a nipple.
I guess that a photoshopped picture is what they mean by a “free profile”.
“What kind of Christian website has “lusciouspussy” as a member?”
Wasn’t Luscious Pussy a character in a James Bond film?…
stormkite:
can we not make fun of Ann Coulter by claiming she’s a man, baby? There’s so much *more* there, i’d hate to miss it. For instance, she called John Edwards a faggot and she doesn’t think women should be able to vote. It’s an embarassment of paranoid-fembot riches.
“Wasn’t Luscious Pussy a character in a James Bond film?”
I think you’re thinking of Pussy Galore.
preying, I know - it was just my (lame) attempt at a joke…
Yes I agree with not sinking to Coulter’s level. Even if she were a man it would not be very classy to go after her for that sort of thing. Going after someone for their lack of ‘tits’ and their supposed Adam’s apple also not very classy. Implying that a woman is ‘mannish’ in order to insult them has been typical of people behavior of people like her for hundreds of years. Because god forbid someone not fit the strictly defined gender roles.
The picture of the model reminds me of the three basic actions Rhonda Shear was told to do in her Playboy shoot - “Arch, Thrust, Pout!”
I’d say those ‘girls’ are thrust out quite enough…
What would the Church Lady say…
Don’t y’all remember that thread just a couple days ago about what it means to be saved? Once the people at this site have accepted J*s*s into their hearts they can drink and screw as much as they want, because if it’s His will that they backslide for every weekend before going to church, that’s OK.
And it saves them from mixing with people who might contaminate their brains with evolution or queer friends.
It is so hard to photograph the mental ugliness after all.
I wonder if she dates Christian Nice Guy®s?
“The funniest part about this website is that just like most of those other “meet hot singles” sites, it’s probably just a bunch of homemakers ironing clothes, chatting on their cell - “ooh baby, ooh” for $10/hour.”
Well, there’s a world of difference between actual phone sex and most singles sites.
As far as the latter, paid memberships for dating sites are a waste of money IMHO, and I refuse to put my photo up on one of them publicly anyway free or pay, but I honestly like sites like craigslist…they’re helpful if you’ve just moved somewhere, or in my case if I honestly just needed to build up confidence with talking to people a few years ago..I have met a few decent people from them.
What the hell’s Jesus gonna do? Introduce them to his sister?The invitations to the Clinton Foundation dinner last holiday season specified directly that women show no cleavage.
True Althouse Fantasy Land - women are held responsible for preventing the merest perception that a man might misbehave.
P.S. I agree it’s shitty to rag on Coulter’s looks, but there’s a reason why it’s tempting: Conservative men slaver over her as if she’s Venus, I’ve actually seen them grow tongue-tied as schoolboys when addressing her (local talk-radio tools, not smooth national figures; virtually every caller-in afterward remarked Wow, that Ann Coulter is one scorching lady!). Of course, she laps it up and in fact “conservative hottie” seems to be the image she feels she’s projecting.
Yet she has an Adam’s apple. I mean, sorry, “everybody’s beautiful in their own way,” but it’s Ann.
Frickin’ Coulter.
And sometimes it’s too tempting to resist. It is shitty, though — her looks are, after all, irrelevant — and it only serves to lower one’s own self.
She appears to have been enhanced with the bumper of a 1960 Dodge.
Bobbi Flekman: You put a *greased naked woman* on all fours with a dog collar around her neck, and a leash, and a man’s arm extended out up to here, holding onto the leash, and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it. You don’t find that offensive? You don’t find that sexist?
Ian Faith: This is *1982*, Bobbi, c’mon!
Bobbi Flekman: That’s *right*, it’s 1982! Get out of the ’60s. We don’t have this mentality anymore.
Ian Faith: Well, you should have seen the cover they *wanted* to do! It wasn’t a glove, believe me.
godmonkey–it also has to be looked at in the context of her own judgementalism:
“My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie-chick pie wagons they call ‘women’ at the Democratic National Convention.”
Conservatives in general have tried to make looks into a lose-lose for liberals: if you look like anything except Edwards, you’re a washed-up hippie, insert other terms above, etc.; if you look like Edwards, you’re wasteful of money that’s supposed to help the poor and therefore hypocritcal, and you’re a gay pretty boy.
I am going to start a fashion insult meme.
He/She dresses like a Bush administration evangelist escort.
(I’ll burn in hell for this.)
Wait, half of his face grew back? If so, I would call that a miracle. Anything short of that … not so much. Kind of an empty miracle, with very short-term consequences.
(If anyone recognizes that last line, I will be very impressed.)
I mean, sorry, “everybody’s beautiful in their own way,”
That was not the point. It was attacking a woman (who should be hated for other reasons) for being masculine in her appearance. The aka ‘well I don’t find her attractive so that just completely cancels out everything flowing from her mouth’ argument. This is problematic on three levels. First people should not be judged by how ‘fuckable’ they are. Second, saying that a woman is masculine is not a legitimate insult. Third, conservatives use these arguments (which draw upon homophobia and misogyny) all the time. Coulter uses them all the time.
Who in the hell wants a virgin?! Certainly no one interested in having good sex.
Seriously!
I mean, a lot of the lesbians I know, myself included, avoid being a straight girl’s ‘experience’ or ‘experiment’ for precisely this reason: the don’t know what the fuck to do.
In defence of laudable slut-dom; more experience, more better.
In defence of laudable slut-dom; more experience, more better.
Or, as Patsy Stone has said, “Celibacy leaves much to be desired.”
Who in the hell wants a virgin?! Certainly no one interested in having good sex.
Boy, it’s really sad if that’s why I have yet to get laid — because I’m honest about the fact that I’ve never had sex before. ‘Cause when my sexual willingness and knowledge is more impressive that that of my sexually active best friend, that’s just a waste.
I get Google ads for “Christian singles” all the damn time. Because you know, that’s what every black pagan polyamorous bisexual porn-writing geek girl is looking for.