My, my — the wingnuts in the Virginia General Assembly clearly have nothing to fix or improve in the Commonwealth. BTW, this is one happens to be a Democrat. This is unbelievable.
State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers.Under his measure, displaying the ornamentation on a motor vehicle would be a misdemeanor punishable by a maximum fine of $250.
…He said he won’t hesitate to bring a set of $24.95 trailer testicles with him for a legislative show-and-tell.
“I’m going to do it,” Spruill told a handful of reporters after Tuesday’s House session adjourned. “I’m going to bring them out here and show them to you till they tell me to stop.”
33 Responses to “VA State Delegate Spruill wants to show-and-tell his $24.95 balls”
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If a Dodge Viper looks like a penis, will it be banned from the road?
Around here those are called “bull balls” and if his balls are that size he must walk funny
It’s probably always been like this. Legislators using their public powers to legislate their pet peeves.
I hope his constituents toss him out on his ass for wasting their time, but they’ll probably think it was a great idea.
The first time I saw a pair of chrome testes dangling below the trailer hitch of a jacked-up pickup truck, I almost spit a mouthful of coffee all over my dashboard. I remain torn between saying “hilarious” and “pathetic” when I think of this particular car ornament. I can never decide which way to respond because it’s impossible to know the extent to which the driver of said truck is displaying the chrome sack in self-conscious irony, as opposed to simply tragic compensation for challenged maculinity. (Don’t assume it’s the latter; even hicks have a sense of humor, although apparently Spruill doesn’t.)
Let me just ask this: how does he know the balls are human? Even if passed, his legislation would have no effect, because owners of those ornaments could simply claim they were replica dog balls (which is what they really resemble) rather than human ones.
Pointing this out to Rep. Spruill would really put him between a rock and a hard place, I think…
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Virginia the same state that tried to make visible buttcrack a crime?
These people clearly have their priorities in order. I mean, JEEBUS, it’s not like there’s anything else to concern themselves with… O.O
“If a Dodge Viper looks like a penis, will it be banned from the road?”
What about a Ford Probe? It may not look like it, but that name could be a distraction…
Seriously, I’m glad that our civilization has advanced to the point where ending the plague of “bumper nuts” is that important.
We must already have Universal Healthcare, conquered cancer and Alzheimer’s, solved the stem-cell riddle to produce new organs, cured AIDS, etc.
And we must surely have ended all warfare, solved the political problems in the Middle East, ended the use of terrorism as a tactic, solved world hunger, raised the world’s standard of living above the poverty level, etc.
Not to mention that we must have eliminated drunk driving, road rage, freeway shootings, and high-speed chases.
Sure must be nice living in our perfect world! (Can someone point me in the right direction? I can’t seem to find it…)
While my other comment lingers in moderation, what about the “huge trailer hitch ball” phenomenon?
At least around here (a redneck area of Southern California) I see a bunch of trucks going around with an enormous fake trailer hitch ball (penis substitute) that must be 6 or 8inches in diameter. If the “truck cojones” are a distraction, then the huge phallic trailer hitch must be one too…right?
Two in moderation in a row…
Oh well…
The Ceiling Cat must be laughing right now…
OUr politics is consumed with symbolic issues, or issues that are nonissues, irrelevant and relating to silly bits of merchandising, masquerading as ‘a personal statement’.
Truck testicles are probably not very polite, but they sure are stoopid. As is any effort to address this burning issue. I class this with efforts to regulate how pants are worn, for example.
I mean, people have the right to express the truth “I am a dumbass”.
I’m guessing the good state delegate found himself at a railroad crossing with the gates down for a really long train, stuck behind a pickup with these ornaments driven by a good-ol’-gal who was loudly singing along to the song blasting out of her truck’s CD player . . .
Then I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little souped up 4 wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats.
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires . . .
Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.
And each time it finished, the driver would cackle loudly, hit the “replay” button on the dash, and sing it again.
“Gotta put a stop to this,” he told himself . . .
(mentally cranks up the AC/DC tunes)
Good for him! This whole stupidity is a waste of public time. Who gives a shit if people put nuts on trucks - I personally think it is a hoot and a set of those sure perked my uncle up after he had cancer surgery in a tender place!
If you are distracted by them while driving, you need therapy. Or, maybe, you need to turn in your license if you can’t concentrate on driving.
I really hope Spruill brings in some bumper nuts and shows them off to the lege, and someone takes a photo, because it’d make an awesome macro. MAI TRUCK BALLZ…LET ME SHOW YOU THEM.
“Goddamn it, Lionel, put your balls away or I’ll have you removed.”
The Virginia lege is trying hard to outdo Texas. I wish we could bring Molly Ivins back. Spruill is a walking example of why we here in Virginia do NOT want a year round lege.
I’m sure the state police are loving this idea. “Licence, registration, and your balls, sir.”
If he does bring them, will the next day’s headline read, “Delegate’s Balls Removed In Open Session”?
Film at 11!
“He said the idea came from a constituent whose young daughter spotted an example of the trail hitch adornment and asked her father to explain it.”
Don’t you understand??? We have to protect the CHILDRENZ!!!
DO NOT WANT TO SEE TEH BAWLZ!
“We have to protect the CHILDRENZ!!!”
Well, then we best get right onto neutering every male animal on the planet!! Can’t have them nasty balls hanging out!
And since trucks get “balls”, can we adorn cars with fake vaginas? And what the hell would a motorcycle get?
“DO NOT WANT TO SEE TEH BAWLZ!”
Close your eyes and think of
EnglandAmerica…What about fuzzy dice? Are they okay by Spruill, or also too testicular?
“What about fuzzy dice?”
Well, it would depend on how “roundish” or “squarish” they were.
Sharply square? - okay.
Oozing into roundness? - take ‘em down or you’ll get a ticket…
. . . and if he doesn’t get what he wants, he’s gonna take his balls and go home . . .
Yes, starky, you are correct: VA is the state that tried to “outlaw visible buttcrack”, did outlaw swearing at the Oceanfront, and now this. Because dog knows our fucked-up roads, skyrocketing taxes, vanishing affordable housing, dwindling social services, and subpar schools aren’t NEARLY as important as protecting teh innocent widdle chyylldruns from OH NOEZ TEH VULGAR!!! *facepalm*
I am deeply ashamed of my state right now.
Well, this sort of law was too redneck and stupid for Maryland last year, so of course Virginia had to give it a try….
I told my husband about this. Then I told him the politician was a Democrat.
“Aw, nuts!” he says.
I started laughing. After a moment, so did he. Accidental pun!
tee hee, this is already fodder for comics.
Ron Paul is not buying it.
I’ve always thought those truck balls were crying out for little pink fuzzy knitted cozies, hanging out there in the cold and the damp all unprotected, the poor things.
The best part about this whole scenario is Spruill’s own doing.
The “nutz” are considered “bull nuts”… see www.bullsballs.com
His legislation outlaws human genitalia, not bovine…
Idiot.
And what about car bras?
And Edsel labia?
I’ve always thought those truck balls were crying out for little pink fuzzy knitted cozies, hanging out there in the cold and the damp all unprotected, the poor things.
Mmm - you know those Rolling Stones logo, the big lips and tongue? I’m sorta wondering about the possibilities of a bumper sticker with those on them.
Or you could have multiple pairs of the testicles. Label them “Husband One 1997-1999″, “Husband Two 2001-2004″…
bwahahaha.
But, if they let them stay, they’ll have to regulate a speed limit for teabagging!