I get the impression that, pre-modern times, virginity was important because controlling access to the Tunnel Of Love was the only way to ensure paternity. Always a critical issue for land-owners.

In modern times it seems to be conservative parents getting really really squicked at the idea of their precious little girls doing the nasty.

Sadly, I know conservative folks in the modern day US who still believe this, to the tune of thinking abortion should not be available even to rape victims, because if a woman is truly raped she obviously couldn’t get pregnant.

You are not wrong. i did a research paper on virginity for my Psych of HumSexuality class (some 20 years ago) and the record was one of moderate tolerance.

Promscuity was frowned on (the couple who had a child at five months of marriage was fined 9 schillings, but otherwise not hassled. He was [after some other pecadillos, including masturbating onto the meeting house wall on a Sunday; fined five schillings] named town constable), but sex was seen as a part of a healthy marriage, and the proverb that, “A new bride can do in six months, what take a cow, or countess, nine,” was well known.

Bundling (the habit sharing a bed, with a barrier to prevent sex) was a widely practiced behaviour, and the barrier was far from truly effective.

No small part of that was that famers, understand how sex works. It’s not a mystery to their kids. In the age it was also believed, by many, that unless a woman was enjoying the sex, she couldn’t conceive (some even held that absent an orgasm, she would be infertile).

The obsession with virginity was an upper class concern. If one didn’t have lands and properties, titles and honors, to pass along/preserve; if one had no dynastic interests to be protecting, then strict adherence to abstinence before marriage wasn’t as big a deal.

People also married later in life than we tend to think. Most men not being in a place where they could afford a wife/household, until they were about 27, and most women being about 24 when they accepted an offer.

There’s a whole lot of other stuff, not just in US/British culture (it was a wide ranging paper).

the point isn’t that women will lie about being virgins. we have and we do, our culture demands it. but because virginity doesn’t exist, what difference does it make if she lies about it? “i want you to have a special thing that i can never see or prove that you own.” “well OF COURSE i have it.”

same with asking a man if he’s had anal sex. i can’t *fathom* a situation when such a possibility would actually matter so what reason has he to tell me that he has in fact done it?

I do not think they mean what you think they mean.

One daughter, mint-in-box, best offer…

There’s an interesting bit in Marjane Satrapi’s Embroideries where one of the characters sleeps with the boy she really loves just prior to her wedding to the guy her parents have arranged for her, so she tries to cut herself on the inner thigh in order to produce the necessary blood. She cuts her new husband’s testicles instead!

On the other hand, though, I’ve always wondered if half the reason for enforced physical inactivity (corsets, purdah, foot binding, etc) didn’t have the added bonus of preventing anything that might result in the premature breakage of Teh Seal. Like Daddy keeping his action figure in the original packaging, because it will be much more valuable that way…

I have to say that, in terms of comparing virgins to people who’ve had one or two sexual partners, I seriously disagree. It took probably two or three years of consistent sexual activity for me to really start to feel comfortable with sex, and really the most important thing was getting a few notches on my bedpost (not just 2 or 3 years of monogamy).

This was pretty much at the core of one of my early long term hetero relationships — he was the only guy I’d been with, and he was really good at manipulating me into thinking that all his personal sexual peccadilloes were The Way It Is. This control wasn’t confined to the bedroom, either. It was the main instrument in turning a strong and confident young woman into a nervous little bunny rabbit who would never question him about anything.

To me, this is the central benefit of female virginity in a patriarchal culture. When you can control women’s sexuality, you can really warp her sense of herself. And it’s much harder to control the sexuality of someone who is experienced enough to know what’s what.