I think men are generally less selective than women, at least about casual relationships, and a substantial number of men aren’t very selective at all (though they try not to admit it).

The thing is, when women approach men, men seem to assume that those women are looking for an actual relationship. When I’ve approached men, these are the most common reactions: a look of panic (Oh crap, she’s interested in me. How do I let her down easy?) or a mocking/insulting attitude (Who does she think she is?). Now, it could be that I’m so hideous that these guys can’t even stand the thought of having a one night stand with me, it could be that those guys assume that I’m looking for an actual relationship (but aren’t into me enough for that), or it could be that men are in actual fact very selective, whether for a casual encounter or a long-term relationship.

To be honest, I don’t know enough about the guy in the article to label him a creep. He very well may be, but what I read from it is that he thinks relationships are complicated and difficult to develop. He wants to have sex with women he meets as soon as possible and doesn’t want to spend money on them to do so. So interacts in a bolder way than is common. If a woman’s agenda was originally not to have sex, and his bold actions changed that agenda, then he has accomplished his goal. Now, if he has in any way shape or form been coercive, we have an abundance of problems with his behavior not least of which might be legal. But what he seems to be emphasizing is that his first goal is sex, and if something develops later, great. If not, he will continue to try to have sex with other women.

Additionally, although he probably won’t agree with much of what I say, I pretty much agree with Seeker on most of what he has been saying.

Pretty much all people have trouble with unfamiliar situations, especially when those situations are in direct contradiction to our experience, and trebly so when those situations are contrary not only to our experience but also to our expectations. The average male expects to be approached by a woman about as often as he expects to be run over by an ice cream truck. Sure, he knows that such things happen. Sure, he may have even heard of such things happening. But he doesn’t expect it to happen to him. One doesn’t have to be a misogynist to be stunned and clueless when such an unexpected thing happens. (Shrugs.) The silly reality is that most men will go through their lives with it never happening to them. And if they err the first time it is rather unlikely that it will happen another time.

Or (he says, hoping against hope) have things changed since my own serious dating days over a decade and a half ago?

if the experience of being the asked-out person is anything like a woman’s, that means you have the uncomfortable job of shooting down 9 out of 10 applicants If an average woman went around a bar suggesting “wanna fuck?”, do you think the first nine men would all decline? I think men are generally less selective than women, at least about casual relationships, and a substantial number of men aren’t very selective at all (though they try not to admit it).

Maybe that is why I don’t fit in. My inclination in this specific type of instance (if I’m the one with the “greater social station”) is to make it clear that I’m interested, but I want the “less powerful” to then set the parameters.