I’ve been happy this year to read a couple of blog posts written by men just slamming the ever-living shit out of the popular holiday commercial message, “All women are whores, just set the price.” Otherwise known as ads pushing luxury goods like diamonds and cars with a fairly unmistakeable message.
These ads go far beyond just saying, “Hey, it’s fun to spoil someone you love on occasion,” and straight into making rather fucked up insinuations about how marriage and heterosexual relationships are transactional—her love and sex for your baubles. That women give love because they love and have sex because they desire doesn’t enter the equation. There was one ad awhile back that was pretty close to explicit on this—a guy runs through the streets declaring he loves a woman. She’s angry with him for his romantic and inexpensive gesture. He presents a diamond. Now she likes him again. Women’s affections are a commodity, says the ad, not a normal human expression.
But I’ve seen a series of blog posts that take on these ads not just because they insult women, but because they insult men as well, another important point that needs to be made. Jamie at Masculinity and Its Discontents:
For some reason this one really gets to me. Scene: woman kicking back on the couch, watching the tube, as her young-architect/artist skinny, t-shirted, sandy-haired studmuffin puts the finishing touches on her pedicure, blowing gently on her toes.
He: How’s it look, sweetie?
She: It looks great!
He: I dunno, I think maybe they could use one more coat.
Cut to smarmy announcer: because you’re not that guy, go buy jewelry at Bob’s.
You’re not that guy, you’re not caring, you’re not patient, you’re not creative, you’re not gentle, y ou’re not even good looking (to your woman). It makes me want to scream BE THAT GUY, MEN, once in a while, just be that guy. Stop buying the most overpriced, overvalued, falsely inflated, harvested-by-near-slave-labor stones in the history of humankind and DO something for your woman, talk to your woman, listen to your woman, pamper your woman as you’d like her to pamper her man. Don’t buy her, do the damn labor! (and then maybe buy her something nice afterwards, sure. And ladies, it’s your turn, buy your man some bling, show him you own him! Yes, I have a double standard, yes yes yes I do! I wanna be owned!)
Message of ad: Being genuinely loving (especially to the point of doing silly but intimate things with her) to women is unacceptable and emasculating, but if you don’t give her something, she’ll get tired of you and leave. Escape the conundrum with diamonds! Granted, I don’t think giving someone a pedicure is the best example in the world of things that men are discouraged from doing because it’s too intimate and giving, but it’s commercial shorthand for those activities.
Then MarkH blogs about this deeply fucked up diamond ad.
A special diamond to purchase sexual fidelity! Awesome. If any real demographic research went into this marketing, instead of just guesswork, then we have alarming evidence of the paranoid mindset of a lot of men. Between this and the ads that imply that you, the customer, are so hard up for sex from your own wife that you’re desperate enough to pony up thousands of dollars, I’m forced to conclude that the marketers are just exploiting paranoia, because otherwise I’m forced to conclude that a far greater percentage of Americans live life on constant sexual intrigue than really seems possible.
Copyranter is also insulted:*
If my future wife bangs the entire roster of the Manchester United football squad a week after I give her a HOF diamond, do I get 100 times my money back?
You know, if you could sell it with a guarantee like that, there could be a lot of potential for non-monogamous couples to make some money for themselves.
Also, how many women out there are dumb enough to find it delightful to get a ring that says “Monogamy” on it? Like, is it fun to get a bauble that implies that you need to have your fidelity secured with expensive and glittery things?
Copyranter also found this one:
Indeed, we all knew that women don’t actually have senses of humor, but are in fact cyborgs that mimic human behavior, but they need a constant replenishing of extremely expensive bauble fuel.
PZ derides these ads for making men look stupid.
I can tell you exactly what would happen if I spent a month’s salary or more on jewelry (or worse, a year’s income on a car). My wife would look aghast, and waver between calling the hospital for an immediate psychiatric consult and kicking me in the groin. I would spend that much on inessential frippery? Without consulting her? There sure wouldn’t be any sexual arousal, unless these commercial makers easily confuse that sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach at the thought of budget-busting debt with “sexy.”
I’m certainly not averse to the concept of getting enthusiastic about giving or receiving gifts. I’m a sucker for it. But when the main selling point of a gift is, “I am so expensive that it puts the recipient into an informal debt to you to be repaid with sex, monogamy, etc.”, then it’s not about the fun anymore and starts to get creepy.
*His entire blog is a hoot, by the way. There was exactly 0% chance that this ad could have gone the other way and shown the dolls doing it cowgirl style and then moving onto cunnilingus.
118 Responses to “This Christmas, buy her a relationship based on uneasy power games”
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Word ‘em up. My wife doesn’t wear any jewelry but her wedding ring, and neither do I. Hers is an heirloom from my great aunt, mine is an heirloom from her great uncle. We spent a total of $50 to get them sized.
I got your “every kiss begins with Kay” right here.
That “Hey, she thinks you’re funny again” one was part of a particularly offensive series a few years back, including one that read “Whack! Pow! Woosh! Kablam! In a tender, loving sort of way.” Which I read as “If you buy her a diamond, she’ll forgive you for breaking her arm because she spilled the last beer in the fridge.”
One of those Lexus commercials where the husband and son surprises the mother with a be-ribboned new car came on last night, and my husband screamed at the TV, “Where the fuck did you get the money, and why didn’t we spend it on your student loan??!!”
Jesus, really, Mighty? Well, it makes sense that they’d try to corner that market. It’s a demographic that’s pretty desperate. Makes sense, if you think about it, that MRAs link, “Women make up domestic violence” with “Ungrateful bitches didn’t appreciate the amount of money I spent on them,” in that light.
Yep: here’s a picture of it I found. Pretty f’ed up.
I bet the marketers rationalized marketing directly to wife-beaters by figuring that they’re a population who deserves to be parted from their hard-earned money, too. Of course, what that rationalization fails to address is whether or not the victims deserve to have their emotions toyed with some more.
Indeed, we all knew that women don’t actually have senses of humor, but are in fact cyborgs that mimic human behavior, but they need a constant replenishing of extremely expensive bauble fuel.
See, I saw it mosre as a “all women are shallow, lying bitches who only flatter you when you give them something” or “women are so stupid that they are blinded by the slightest shiny thing.” (Silmilar to “The guy with the coolest car is always the hottest” BS you find in high school.) In other words, even if you really are funny, she will lie and tell you that you’re not so that you will buy her stuff.
Hm…which one is more offensive, I wonder?
And please add my signature to the “Can we please grow the fuck up already and have adult relationships?” petition when you send it to the ad council.
The luxury car commercials really put me over the edge. You know, the one where the woman looks out the front window at the new Lexus in the driveway with the big red ribbon? Ooooooohhh, what a loving husband.
Reality: “”You went out on your own and put us $50,000 deeper in debt to surprise me?! You fucking idiot!”"
I am not really a jewelry person, but is it that hard in this day and age to find faux diamonds? They have fantastic CZ on QVC. I would be thrilled to receive a little Diamonique, with all that money left over to do the important things in life, like pay off bills and buy feminist literature.
Someone could probably buy my affections, but thats not a relationship worth having.
It’s just offensive ALL the way around!
Although, to be honest, a lot of this stuff is marketed to people who “can” (they really can’t, because they think they can, but that’s a different story) afford to basically throw away money for a bit of favor. A lot of money. The advertising is to keep it in the public eye, spending money is the only way that a man can show love.
Yick.
The one “expensive gift” commercial out there right now that doesn’t bug the crap out of me is the MasterCard one where she unwraps a box of Kleenex and a paper bag and then he walks her to the door to show her the matching cars that he won by putting them into massive credit card debt. The only thing that truly bugs me about that one (other than the massive credit card debt) is that he doesn’t catch her when she faints and lets her fall on the ground. At least the point of that commercial is that he won them as a prize in a contest so it’s not specifically putting them into debt.
Other than the massive credit card debt, of course.
Thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds those give-a-luxury-car-for-Christmas ads utterly baffling on just about every level. Unless you’re super-mega-wealthy, a car usually is the second-most expensive purchase a couple or family can make. For one person to go out and buy one without consulting the other is just nuts.As for jewelry, the “buy-this-and-you’ll-get-laid” trope may be unpleasant, but it’s fairly common (check out just about any ad for personal-care products). It’s just extra annoying with jewelry because they cram a year’s worth of crassness into a few weeks in December.
Oh, and I’ve noticed in several commercials now that they put at least one kid in as a witness. It really emphasizes the whole “you bore my children — here’s a shiny new car!” aspect.
I haven’t seen the other commercial that doesn’t bug me in a while: they fly out to (I think) Italy where he re-proposes and she realizes that he’s also flown out their families so they can do a vow renewal in front of their loved ones. So it involves jewelry, but the jewelry is secondary to the vow renewal in front of the whole family part.
Diamond ads drive me absolutely nuts, and I was appalled by them even before I started learning about the blood that’s spilled in the effort to obtain them worldwide. After listening to a special Democracy Now that covers the trade in major gifts given on Valentine’s Day (roses, chocolates, and diamonds) I really can’t see any of these ads the same way again. All of these items are produced under extreme levels of exploitation and abuse.
The scene: My wife (the lovely and talented Jawa Girl*) and I are watching TV when one of those Jared - The Galleria of Jewelry ads (you know, “He went to Jared!”) comes on.
Me: Great. He frickin’ went to Jared.
JG: He went to Jared! He’s an unimaginative burbdweller who thinks buying crap from some megastore is a valid substitution for actual love and respect! He’s a keeper! Go home and make him some dinner and sweet juju love right now, woman!
That’s why I love her, folks.
*Jawa Girl is clearly not her real name. I refer to her as Jawa Girl in the blogosphere because (a) she is an intensely private person and (b) on our second date, for reasons now inexplicable, she did a screamingly funny impression of a Jawa from Star Wars.
WF
That “Hey, she thinks you’re funny again” one was part of a particularly offensive series a few years back, including one that read “Whack! Pow! Woosh! Kablam! In a tender, loving sort of way.”
Hmph. My husband is fucking hilarious and it pleases me no end that he’ll probably buy me craft supplies for Christmas. In fact, we’re thinking of dropping the whole gift thing because it’s kind of stressful.
DeBeers ad, redux. Don’t say I didn’t get y’all anything this year.
Although I don’t really expect to win any cars, one can use credit cards smartly to enhance your holiday gift spending. Starting about 3 years ago, my girlfriend and I adopted the following strategy: We buy all our presents for family & friends with our American Express card through their online “bonus points mall” (it features lots of common stores, like I got toys for the kids at Discovery store and FAO, an electronic gadget for my brother at sharper image, etc.). We do not spend more or buy more gifts than we would doing it some other way, like going to stores in person. We also don’t spend more than we can afford, and pay off the bill as soon as it comes, so there’s no interest or finance charges. What we get out of this is the AmEx credit-card points (you earn triple-points or more by shopping at the bonus points mall). We then use those points to “buy” each other gifts for free. She ordered mine early this year so I’d have it for the party we had last weekend: a Waring 3-compartment buffet-server/warming tray (I love it!) and she’ll be getting a TiVo. And it really didn’t cost us anything, since we had to buy the gifts for other people no matter what.
vitamin C, you wanna slap a great big NSFW tag on that post? Or any posts like that in the future?? ‘cause I don’t like clicking on things that could get me fired… but maybe it’s just me…
sorry… too much art school has deadened my sense of the appropriate.
The scene: My wife (the lovely and talented Jawa Girl*) and I are watching TV when one of those Jared - The Galleria of Jewelry ads (you know, “He went to Jared!”) comes on.
Oh, A-freaking-men. I can’t change the station fast enough when those radio spots come on. Aside from the obvious love-can-be-bought thing, the frequency they use actually causes ear damage.
At the florist a year or two back, I saw they had a P-O-P ad that pictured a dozen roses with the headline, “Just how mad is she?”
These insults to women and men alike are more the result of lazy copywriting than out-and-out misogyny, I can assure you. One-in-two odds they were written (phoned in, really) by gay men or women themselves.
And if you think the “make her desire you by festooning her with the high-dollar schwag she lives for” stuff is offensive, you clearly aren’t a parent. The manipulation of parental guilt and propensity to sentimentality is truly sickening.
Magic of Christmas, my skinny white ass. But such is the American consumer marketplace, I suppose. Consume! Consume! [be consumed with guilt, and quite likely cuckolded if you don’t] Consume!
P.S. Although I don’t know what to make of that ad Mighty Ponygirl linked to. Surely they don’t …. ? And yet …. No. No way. Really?
Is it my imagination, or are these ads getting worse and more supernumerous than ever this year? Even my kids have figured out the formula and started making fun of them - particularly the odious Jared ones.
One of the boys openly wondered if a Jared store was such a horrendous place to go that a man MUST love you if they were to submit to such an ordeal?
It is at least bad enough a phenomenon for REI to make fun of in its radio ads. A man implies that he wants to buy something (presumably jewelry)for his darling, while she drops massive hints that she really doesn’t want what he’s thinking but he can “just get some ski boots - size 7 1/2 -and put them under the tree with my name on them” or “just make me a card - and put it in a kayak”.
For the first time this year, my wife and I will be shopping together for each other’s presents… she wants a new pair of shoes, I want a top hat. Both are things that we can’t just go out about buy for the other without impact, and we get to spend time together as a bonus (with baby, school and work, time together is in short supply).
If we weren’t doing that, we’d be getting each other token gifts and the big present would be jointly bought for ourselves (which is what we also do for anniversaries… we decide on something to buy for ourselves, though in that case we don’t actually get each other anything else).
Jewelry I buy her for Valentine’s Day (which I hate, but I like buying her jewelry) or her birthday or just because. Because she likes jewelry and wears it, unlike me.
The Jared commercials make me scream at the tv, the car commercials…ugh. First: do we really have that kind of money, and second: if I’m getting a new car I want to pick it out, test drive, etc.
I’ve been wondering if the luxury car company’s think the cost of the commercials pays off since they are marketing to only a very slim target group.
One of those Lexus commercials where the husband and son surprises the mother with a be-ribboned new car came on last night,
You’re certainly not alone in being aggravated by those commercials–fortunately, I avoid them by not watching television much and by using the DVR to skip commercials. The worst one of the bunch, as I recall, was the one where the parents tell their daughter that they’ve gotten her the CD player she was hoping for, and then the Lexus appears. Fuck those people.
“It is at least bad enough a phenomenon for REI to make fun of in its radio ads. A man implies that he wants to buy something (presumably jewelry)for his darling, while she drops massive hints that she really doesn’t want what he’s thinking but he can “just get some ski boots - size 7 1/2 -and put them under the tree with my name on them” or “just make me a card - and put it in a kayak”.”
…good point. After all, jewelry is only (potentially) useful (outside of aesthetics) as a medium of exchange in a time of economic collapse - and even then its value is questionable.
In contrast, a good kayak could be your companion on the trip of a lifetime…
Seriously, I think what bugs me most is the triviality of jewelry or other “status” baubles, as compared to the value that could be found in some other, more practical, expenditure.
But I guess I’m just not romantic enough…
These insults to women and men alike are more the result of lazy copywriting than out-and-out misogyny, I can assure you. One-in-two odds they were written (phoned in, really) by gay men or women themselves.
Actually, advertising is an extraordinarily male-dominated industry in the US. Although there is less gender asymmetry at the copywriter level, the creative directors are almost all male, and the gender disparity just gets worse as you go up the ladder.
Whether or not a woman copywriter writes a particular piece of misogynist copy (and of course, there are plenty of self-loathing misogynist women), the thing is that misogyny is going to be rewarded, and challenges to misogyny dismissed, by an almost monolithically white, middle-class, male management structure.
beth: Although I don’t really expect to win any cars, one can use credit cards smartly to enhance your holiday gift spending.
Well, yeah, but that’s not the implication of the ad.
MsKate: I heard that REI ad on the way to work this morning and it cracks me up every. single. time. That’s not an ad world relationship that’s gonna last.
I would love to tell my fellow geeks what I’m knitting my husband for Christmas, but he knows what name I post under and I don’t want to ruin the surprise. He’s gonna love it, though.
Seriously, I think what bugs me most is the triviality of jewelry or other “status” baubles, as compared to the value that could be found in some other, more practical, expenditure.
True, but gifts need not be practical. Gifts should be appropriate to the person who is receiving them. The woman in the ad isn’t adverse to having somebody buy her stuff. She simply wants expensive toys and not the standard automatic expensive gift item expected of male love interests.
Speaking of Christmas advertising that plays off these ideas and is actually funny, I give you the Verizon Pony ad.
The one about the guy doing his GF’s nails and then the VO “because you’re not THAT guy!” is too over the top to be insulting. It’s making fun of the jewelry ads more than anything else. Mrs. F always cracks up when she sees it.
Whenever a diamond ad comes on TV (all too common, at this season) she always jumps up and starts waving a finger in my face and shouts “Where’s my diamond? Where are my magical shiny rocks? How dare you spend our money on a new furnace when I could have shiny rocks!” It’s our little ritual.
The Jared ads are truly loathsome, but the all-time worst this year is the couple about to break the wishbone of a turkey with their 8yo daughter watching. Mommy explains that whoever gets the big half gets her wish, she gets the big half, Daddy gives her a diamond. Daughter way overenunciates the line “Wow! it works!” Truly horrible, and with the extra added bonus of ripping a bird’s sternum in half.
“True, but gifts need not be practical.”
I know what you’re saying. I guess it’s really hard for me to shake my (very) conservative (in the real sense - which has nothing to do with the current definition of “conservative”) upbringing.
Barely enough money to live on and raise your kids? Practical christmas gifts: Clothes, tools, kitchen stuff, etc.
We’re all products of the environment we grew up in…
:)
Oh man. You know, when I was younger, I used to look at those diamond ads and just ache with longing. Other women get jewelry! They are loved! I am not loved! I will never get jewelry!
No matter how many times I told myself diamonds were what cheaters and abusers routinely bought their victims and therefore it proved nothing, no matter how many times I reminded myself that diamonds were really worthless rocks whose price had been drastically overinflated, it did not matter. I had it slammed into my head over and over again that jewelry equals love, and I could not get it out. The only thing that finally got it out was being married and actually getting jewelry, and not feeling any more loved as a result.
Now I know better. The occasional ache for jewelry still rears its beribboned head, but I can talk myself out of it now. But I am also over 40. Those of you who “got it” much younger than me, congratulations. You and yours will not be bled dry by the jewelry cartel. And that will make the world a better place. No joke.
Cut to smarmy announcer: because you’re not that guy, go buy jewelry at Bob’s.
See, I would envision the next scene in that commercial being Ms. On the Couch wrapping her leg around her boyfriend’s shoulders and pulling him up….
Fade to black, soundtrack of ecstatic sex noises.
“Be THAT guy.”
Re the “she thinks you’re funny” ad — that exact same diamond company a few years ago was running ads that said, in all but using the word itself, get your woman these diamond earrings and she’ll suck your cock.
We have one on local television that is the anti-anti-Jared, speaking to people who will never have that kind of disposable income but still buy into the necessity of such expenditures. Rather like the Jared’s commercial, it starts with all the women admiring the girl’s ring and giving their men the “why didn’t I get a ring like that?” look. Then it cuts to the guy and his friend, and his friend asks him how he could afford such a nice ring. Guy says: “I finally found the ring I wanted at the price I could afford. SuperPawn!” We then get numerous scenes from SuperPawn and all the great stuff they have.
Yeah, I actually was looking at Vitamin C’s link at work (on my lunch break, mind) and I had just barely clicked on it when my coworker walked by and said, “WTF?” Fortunately nobody cared enough, but it could have gone differently.
So a leetle warning might be good.
“This Xmas season, give your sweetheart a chunk of carbon. Because nothing says ‘I love you’ better than a big chunk of the most common element on Earth.”
If it wasn’t for price fixing and constant attacks on synthetic diamonds by the diamond cartels, each of us could be literally swimming in cheap jewelry.
THANK YOU for addressing this incredibly insulting holiday annoyance. My boyfriend and I roll our eyes or gag whenever we see/hear jewelry or luxury car commercials. And since every other friggin’ commercial is for jewelry or luxury cars during December, we roll and gag A LOT.
Women don’t love their husbands/boyfriends unless they’re routinely presented with diamonds. And the only way to get affection from your woman is to deck her out in bling. To prove your love, you know.
My boyfriend will sigh, “How does it make you feel to know I don’t love you enough to buy you gaudy jewelry this year?” It’s so ridiculous.
Oh, and those stupid Shaw’s commercials: “How did he know about Shaws?!”
My boyfriend was like, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe he heard one of their zillion irritating radio commercials!?”
I have spent a lot of time this season making the point to my husband that feminism is about freeing men and women both from the prison of gender binaries and sexism, using these ads as Exhibit A.
I think it’s beginning to sink in in a way that it hadn’t before.
I should also add that setting a yearly limit on gifts to each other has been enormously useful in terms of avoiding this kind of crap. Our finances are separate, and so it doesn’t necessarily hurt me directly if he chose to go into massive debt in order to buy me some rock produced in slave-like conditions–but I sure would be pissed about the extent to which it hurt his finances (and, of course, that he didn’t know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t want such a gift, and that he went the easy “buy what the tv tells you” route, and that he was buying into all this garbage, yadda yadda).
I just wanna add that cost aside, I for one really DO NOT want to receive a car as a gift because that involves somebody else getting all the say in what kind of car I get, and I get none. That’s the other stereotype, it would seem, that the car commercials run with: that your wife doesn’t care or have an opinion as to what car she drives. As someone who likes cars and really loves certain kinds, it’s every bit as insulting as the type of car salesman who asks the guy what make, model, engine size, mechanical features he’s looking for, and then questions the woman as to what color she wants.
Personally, if someone got me a Lexus or a BMW for Christmas, I’d be annoyed more than anything, because it’s not the type of car I want and I’d be stuck with it for years on end because it’s in poor taste to sell it—and thus I cannot get the used Camaro I’m a couple years away from affording, and if we (whomever “we” is) can afford to spend that much on a car, I want a Saleen, damn it.
(Speaking of preferences, how many of these commercial guys who get jewelry for their wives put that much thought into whether it’s her style, or whether she might prefer that one sitting next to it in the display case. Once again, this is a definite case of “if you’re gonna spend it, bring her along to buy so that she can get her favorite, and not a random one that she just likes.”)
I’ve seen that “How mad is she really?” ad and I thought it was completely misogynist. As if buying someone flowers magically makes it all better… If you’ve done something that pisses me off, I expect to talk about it, and then you to apologise. Buying me something doesn’t magically make the offense disappear. (See complaints about “adult relationships” above.)
I used to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to (borrow or take money from his parents!) to buy me a big diamond (or other shiny stone). I told him, “If your parents are so enthusiastic about paying to get me a big gift, they could pay off my student loans. That would help me a lot more than having a big ring.” That cut zero ice with the lot of them. The objection was generally, “But I waaant to, because it’s traaaditionaaal…” Sometime later, I kicked his ass to the curb. Who’s surprised that, three years or so later, despite having been told, “I don’t want to talk to you anymore, go away,” repeatedly, I’m still getting calls and e-mails from him from time to time?
(Didn’t think there’d be anybody…)
I hate hate HATE these ads, with a white-hot burning passion. The Jared ads are ridiculous, the DeBeers ads insane. But the “you’re not that guy” ad is the one that has me most apoplectic this holiday season.
It really has everything: first, as a guy, you’re not supposed to do something loving for your s.o., because it’s wussy. Second, what you’re supposed to do is buy her some expensive bauble to prove you’ve got money, because that’s what women want. Third, if you buy the bauble, you don’t have to express actual emotional intimacy, so win-win, baby!
I don’t think you could make a more perfect ad for the patriarchy if you tried.
(Incidentally, I’ve seen that ad with a few different women; to a woman, their response has been, “no, be that guy.” I don’t think I have unusual friends.)
After all, jewelry is only (potentially) useful (outside of aesthetics) as a medium of exchange in a time of economic collapse - and even then its value is questionable.
My now-late grandmother had a pretty good-sized jewelry collection because my grandfather was able to pick up a lot of stuff cheap during the Depression and then squirreled it away. He was an ass in many ways, but he was smart about stuff like that.
The newest offensive billboard in my city is similar to the florist ad Godmonkey mentioned above. It has a big bouquet of flowers, and it says “First Date,” only the word date is X’ed out and replaced with the word Base. Nice.
This same florist had the “How mad IS she” ad last year, with three bouquets of increasing size.
Before that, they had one that pictured one bouquet and simply said “Get some tonight.”
Yeah, I don’t patronize them, can you believe that?
No, Copyranter gets his money to the hundredth power back, which is a lot more than a hundred times his money back! That’s some guarantee!
It was for this reason that I kept uncomfortably pushing away my boyfriend’s (I thought joking) offers to buy me an expensive electronic gadget. So far, in almost 7 years, we have mercilessly mocked the expectations that he has to buy all kinds of expensive stuff and then I have to sleep with him. We just don’t buy each other stuff. We don’t exchange Christmas presents, we don’t do Valentine’s Day, we don’t do “dating anniversaries.” On birthdays we take each other out for dinner.
So I thought his offers were part of the ongoing mockery. We’re always jokingly offering each other things we don’t want and can’t afford, just making fun of the expectation. “Hey, do you want a 5 carat diamond ring?” “Hmmm, I’m not sure, I might rather have a Lexus with a big red bow on top, you know?”
He finally explained that he truly did want to buy it for me, just on the “spoiling someone you love” principle — because for the first time in his life he had the money, because he knew I wanted it but would never buy it for myself, and mostly just because he wanted to. So I accepted. (I really did want it, unlike a 5 carat diamond ring or a Lexus.)
Two of my closest friends, independently of one another, then asked me if the gadget was an engagement present. *sigh* Can’t escape it. A man buys a woman an expensive present, and it must be about that.
I remember this ad. It still stands in my head as the quintessential diamond ad. I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. What actually happened was, he took her to Italy, and is standing in an Italian city square shouting his love for her. She’s embarrassed and tells him to shut up. Then he shows her a diamond, and THEN she melts and loves him. Ack.
Oh, oh, I have a diamond ad anecdote too!
One of the jewelry stores in the mall last year had the following placard out. It had a picture of a large shiny diamond ring, and the legend: “From nice guy to my guy with the swipe of a credit card.”
I think this might be the most perfect diamond ad ever. It manages to wrap up the whole Nice Guy ™ phenomenon into the whole diamond-ad phenomenon, from the perspective of the woman the Nice Guy ™ wants to sleep with.
I phrased that wrong. It should be that the ad is spoken from the perspective of the woman the Nice Guy ™ is imagining or hoping is true — “hey, see, this ad PROVES that I can buy my way into her pants, because it says ‘my guy’!”
Yes, I want shiny hard rocks for Christmas. When I find the color I want and get the cabinets built, I’ll put an order in.
Thanks for being there, Amanda. That’s all, just thanks. All the best for you and yours in the New Year if I don’t post another comment between now and then.
—
And yeah, it seems to me that a hidden reinforcer here is that *if* one is able to surprise one’s spouse with a huge-ticket item then it’s because you give her a “household allowance” but otherwise don’t let her look at the books at all. Either that or, as PZ, dingbat, and others point out, you’ve thrown your household budget into some degree of hock to pull it off. Charming.
And *even if* they don’t see it as pro-quid-quo trinket-for-sex deal, there’s still the issue of extravagant gifts as an expression of his (unnecessary in a two-income family) insecurities about being a “good provider” and therefore *worthy* of sex. (Because, you know, even if she isn’t a dirty whore who puts out for trinkets then she’s a saint who lowers herself to slake his animal lust if and only if he’s worthy enough.)
So sheeah, insult him as well as her? Oh yeah.
figleaf
he fact that the main stream media isn’t pointing this out and it’s left to bloggers to tell it like it is, is quite sad. That means that the values purported in these ads are acceptable, mainstream “American” values. How disturbing is that?
What actually happened was, he took her to Italy, and is standing in an Italian city square shouting his love for her. She’s embarrassed and tells him to shut up. Then he shows her a diamond, and THEN she melts and loves him. Ack.
Wait, this is the same ad I was talking about that I didn’t mind — she spots her parents in the crowd around the fountain and realizes that he’s flown her family to Italy. So the diamond is actually kind of a side note to the family gathering and the public renewal of vows.
Of course, since there tend to be “long” 60-second and “short” 30-second versions of the same ad, now I’m wondering if the parents part didn’t make it into the short version. They’re definitely there in the version I saw, though.
Mnemosyne, no, they’re two different ads. They were two different years. I remember both of them, separately. The one I’m talking about, there’s no one else in the city square but them, and the guy runs around shouting “I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!!”. The one you’re talking about (which I also didn’t mind), there are lots of people in the city square around a fountain and two of them turn out to be her parents, and I don’t think the guy runs around actually shouting anything.
I think this just proves that the diamond industry is obsessed with Italy.
The fact that the main stream media isn’t pointing this out and it’s left to bloggers to tell it like it is, is quite sad. That means that the values purported in these ads are acceptable, mainstream “American” values. How disturbing is that?
Here’s the description of the one I mean: http://www.professionaljeweler.com/archives/news/2002/111402story.html
The Diamond Trading Co. kicked off its 2002 holiday campaign, called “Declaration,” with a new TV commercial on Nov. 11.
The spot, set in St. Mark’s Square in Venice, Italy, features a couple strolling the square. The man shouts “I love this woman … I love her. I love her. I love her!” She laughingly imploring him to quiet down. Once he is reeled in, he reaches into his pocket and takes out a three-stone diamond anniversary ring and says, “Well, I guess this will have to do.” As they embrace, the woman whispers, “I love this man … I love him. I love him. I love him.” The spot closes with the familiar narration, “A diamond is forever.”
Why don’t they just change their slogan to “Every fuck ends with Kay” and be done with it.
While I agree with the general crappiness of jewelry ads, I wonder if people aren’t reading that {monogamy}^100 ad wrong: to me it doesn’t say “buy this expensive diamond and your SO will be faithful forever;” I read it as “buy this expensive diamond and your boring-ass monogamous relationship will be exciting and sexy again.” Still a ridiculous message but possibly less sexist? (I can’t possibly believe that occasionally being bored in monogamous relationships is a trait that is somehow exclusive to a particular gender).
I think this just proves that the diamond industry is obsessed with Italy.
You’re probably right. I think I was focused on the trip to Italy and ignoring the rest.
Which reminds me of my favorite Mastercard ad ever: over footage of a couple running around doing wonderful, romantic things in Italy, a woman talks about how she tried for years to talk her boyfriend, Tom, into going to Italy with her and she finally went, and it was the trip of a lifetime.
At the end of the ad, the guy she’s with turns to her and says, “By the way, who’s Tom?” in Italian.
I especially liked it because she was “advertising plain” (ie not gorgeous, just pretty, like Pam on “The Office”).
Oh and those fucking Jared commercials! Crimony, those are obtuse. especially the one with the hammy French waiter. apparently, buying their frickin blood diamonds also gets you a supporting cast of stereotypes. Gee, what a bargain! You mean, I can support outmoded patriarchal rituals, Congolese tyrants and bad writing? Here’s my wallet!
How much of the “War on Christmas” is really just people tired of being told they have to whore/buy love?
Is it my imagination, or are these ads getting worse and more supernumerous than ever this year?
Mmm - the gap in the middle-class is growing, the luxury good market is growing while more and more people struggle, your politicians whistle in the dark about how good the economy is, and the financial industry quietly rewrites the laws for their benefit and to anticipate mass bankruptcies.
Get used to the ads, baby. You’re in the position of the frog in the pot looking around and saying “Hey, is it getting *warm* in here?”
Then you have the really beautiful commercials where EVERYBODY’s just happy-ern shit to be hanging with each other.
Two words, muthafuckahs: “”Jessica, darling!”"
That one gets me in holiday spirt evry time. My ass.
For a funny parody of a DeBeer’s ad, go here.
And I kinda want to hear the REI ad now…I never watch tv anymore now that the daily show/colbert report are in reruns, so I am avoiding being exposed to most of these ads. And I never listen to the radio in general.
Local jewelry store getting in on the crappy misogynist ad game — on a giant billboard on the interstate no less…
“Long-Term Wife Insurance”
yuch.
i usually get books for the holidays, but now that i’m back in school i have a huge pile of books i’ve bought but haven’t had time to read. so, this year i actually did get jewelry, but not diamonds or anything generic, but rather put together a necklace with charms that mean something to me, a medal of saint dymphna, the patron saint of rape and incest survivors, a claddagh, a buddha, and a replica of a paper crane. all the charms have meaning for me and none of it was very expensive. the boyfriend got a handful of new records he wanted to help rebuild the collection he lost when his old house burnt down.
the only person i’m spending a lot on this year is my mother, but she carried me to term and then birthed me and raised me, and became my best friend in the process, so she deserves the world. but even for her i would never get anything with such little thought as diamonds, i’m building a gift basket of indulgent skincare and bath products, she just retired so she has time to pamper herself, but would never spend the money to do so.
The most common element in earth’s crust is oxygen, just as it’s the most common element (by mass) in the human body.
One of the best Family Guy moments ever. Right up there with the Supreme Court Initiation ceremony.
This last September was our 25th Wedding anniversary, and hubby wanted to take me to the nearby Silver Legacy Resort, in Tahoe, Nevada. (For the old 25th ann.) We’d rent a car, spend at least one night, gamble a bit. Everyone he told this to said it was soooo romantic.
I’m all, you wanna spend about $500 to sleep somewhere that probably isn’t as comfortable as our own bed? We had saved that much, so debt wasn’t the issue. I just didn’t think the experience was worth the money.
So finally I figured out what I really wanted. Take the grand we’d saved and buy a new computer, so we can both be on our MMORG at the same time. It’s a nice computer that got here in Dec, so it works as a Christmas present, too. It was a nice idea, I told him, but I’m a nerd, so get the comp instead. This way we can both be happy with money well spent.
The Mononogamy ad is interesting (someone over at copyranter also noticed this) because monogamy is really a probability (as in the probability that someone is monogamous is …). This means it’s a number from 0 to 1. If you raise a number between 0 and 1 to 100 then you get a much smaller number (for example, .9^100=.000027, .95^100=.006, …). Is this the message they mean to send? If you buy your wife/girlfriend a diamond, she’s much more likely to cheat on you? Interesting.
I probably shouldn’t be defending a stupid fucking ad, but that “Pow Crash Wham Bang” was probably intended to invoke Batman climax excitement rather than domestic violence.
Still Epic Fail for the reasons you say.
Lwf — why introduce violent imagery (even campy batman violence) into a “romantic” advertisement at all? Ad people are paid a lot of money… they know how imagery and tone works in their copy. They probably threw in the “Whoosh” just to cover their asses and fall back on “it’s like batman!” if anyone called them on how giving a woman a diamond should be read as a violent act.
Our reaction to those diamond ads is to turn to each other and quote an old Bloom County line: “Women without lots of diamonds are gross-buckets.”
Bee Jewelers. Because every blowjob begins with Bee!
When I saw that “you’re not that guy” ad, my first thought was “Diamonds. It’s easier than giving a shit.”
jessilike, now that’s the kind of jewelry that I think more people should focus on–not the huge honkin status symbol, but something truly personal. One of the reasons I *never* liked high-end “jeweler’s jewelry” is that most of it is very cookie-cutter and has very little personality. Yeah, they sparkle (under the specially orchestrated lighting in the jeweler’s cases) but so what? I don’t feel that anyone put much thought into their design or craftsmanship. Give me something from a craft fair or artisan’s co-op any day. Most likely that didn’t kill anyone from a foreign country, you might even be helping someone local earn a living, and it won’t hurt us economically either.
My husband and I are buying each other new “wedding” rings for Xmas (the quotes are because we never actually exchanged rings at our tiny wedding ceremony; we’d given each other cheap little silver rings a couple months before and didn’t really see a need for anything else). We’d sorta had it in the back of our minds to “upgrade” if we found something we really liked, and a couple weeks ago we did. I admit they come from a catalog (Signals) but they truly do suit us: silver (a metal I feel much more comfortable with than gold, and always liked better aesthetically anyway) with music engraved on them. His is Beethoven’s Ode to Joy (he played this on his harmonica very soon after I started noticing him and I was very impressed); mine is Amazing Grace (we’re both atheists but have a long history with this song in our UU church–I actually led an entire service just about the song and made a full compilation CD of multiple versions). I loved that the two songs that were available were completely significant to us, so I figured it was a sign. And we’re still not paying more than $50 a pop. Guess we’re not considered really married in the eyes of the jewelry industry.
For several months this year, I would pass by the site of the new Tiffany & Co. on Wall Street (across the street from Trump Somethingorother). While it was being renovated, the construction shed was painted Tiffany blue, with a revolving lineup of sayings, some more odious than the others. The most odious made reference to the financial industry: “Specialists in mergers & acquisitions” and “Close the deal.” There was another one about impressing her family, but I can’t remember it right now.
I used to work for very status-conscious people (he was the principal of the firm I worked for, she was the office manager, which is NOT a good situation to work in). They made a big honking deal of the annual Christmas party, at which she would always show off whichever new bauble he’d bought her.
As if that weren’t bad enough, I found out later that he actually weighs her, and requires her to be the same size as when he met her. This is a woman who’s had five children.
And let me gripe ONCE AGAIN about the verification procedure, and YES, I know I can get around it by registering, but NO, I can’t do that on my work computer. Christ.
My shallow, acquisitive, quintessentially American self battles once again with the self who knows I need nothing as a gift this holiday season, we’d be better people if we gave to charity instead of presents to each-spoiled-other, and, hello, watch Blood Diamond to never feel the same way about diamond jewelry again.
Mighty Ponygirl,
I admit I found that ad utterly inexplicable. But I think you’re overreaching a bit. Do you honestly believe that the “creative team” sat down at a Monday-morning Creative Strategies meeting and somebody said, I think the target demo for this one is domestic violence perpetrators, a suggestion which was met with resounding approval? The graphic designer, a 30ish Asian-American hipster woman said, I like it; that gives me so much to play with, and the creative director, a 50-year-old homosexual with Buddy Holly glasses, chimed in I’m seeing an award in this one?
No, I didn’t think you really thought that.
Personally, I find the Belden’s (Beldan’s?) radio ads the most annoying… the one where they just edited in the different jewelery items but its the exact same commercial… the one where he hides the box in the microwave and she “almost cooks it”?
Who turns on their microwave without looking in it first, you know, to put whatever their microwaving in the microwave?
I’m actually somewhat terrified my boyfriend will buy me jewelry for Christmas. Yes, I wear it a lot, but he likes to spend money on me and I’d rather he didn’t… I like sparkle, but I’m good with semiprecious stones, you know? Garnets are a favorite… diamonds are, while really shiny, white and sort of boring.
No, godmonkey, the ad team didn’t THINK out that the domestic violence angle, they LIVED it: either in their own relationships, or familial relationships. Get over it.
IMO, Mighty Ponytailgirl is right. It’s not a huge surprise to patriarchy blamers that the “domestic violence angle” is interchangeable with the basic man/wife angle.
Moi: I don’t, but I can’t actually see into our microwave because it’s on top of our fridge. I would cook it. Except that if my partner were to buy me jewelry, he’d pick a better hiding place than the microwave.
Actually, I’ve just considered the implications of his hiding something he didn’t want her to find in the microwave–does that mean that usually he’s the only person who uses the microwave, and she cooks using “real” appliances? So the message is that in order to get a [whatever it is], you have to be a Real Wife and not just make microwave dinners.
I probably shouldn’t be defending a stupid fucking ad, but that “Pow Crash Wham Bang” was probably intended to invoke Batman climax excitement rather than domestic violence.
Considering the other ads that exploit the abuser market—like the big, bigger, biggest bouquets and the “How mad is she?” slogan—I’m going to have to be more cynical than you. True, it’s possible to make someone mad and have to make it up to her without hitting her, but the gender one-sidedness of these things has a creepy underbelly to it. I mean, doing stupid stuff to piss someone off knows no gender, but the kind of male-specific offense is well-known.
And yes, yes, yes, I’m aware a tiny minority of DV cases are women hitting men. But the huge gender imbalance in the perps and victims is the unspoken element to a lot of these “Buy your way out of the doghouse, fellas” cliches.
yeah….
those commercials annoy me as well.
but, I agree with Moi. I love the colors red and green, so I’d not be opposed to a garnet or a peridot.
Yeah, I got the memo before that marriage is this awful thing to avoid, and that engagement rings= being someone’s property.
Have thought about these two different things for many years now.
And I still like gifts, commitment (I am certainly not stating gifts are indicative of commitment), and sparkly shit- not to be confused with the New Museum’s latest arty gift.
huh… I’m going to stop before I break out my Women’s Studies ass on today’s marriage. Well, I’ll just say this: It’s what you make it. There are feminist ways to go about it. Sometimes partners realize the idiocy of the past and are capable of challenging current cultural norms.
Yes, I should’ve said this on the recent post on marriage.
Doesn’t someone remember that “feminist’s guide to marriage”, or whatever, that was advertised in Bitch magazine? Commitment ceremonies can be done cheaply, and not in an offensive way.
Oh, I have a friend that’s engaged- her male partner wears a ring. The reason she doesn’t- she’s allergic to metal. So, yeah, she’d be wearing one as well; if it weren’t for that.
I always thought that it would be a nice gesture to exchange engagement rings (not necessarily diamonds!) with a partner. Mainly, because that helps alleviate the “he’s free, she’s property” element.
I guess I’m just into progression and changing the meaning behind symbols and social norms.
And, I still like relatively inexpensive sparkly shit.
oh, and if it’s not clear:
I do completely find the diamond industry ads offensive. And I do like “that guy”.
God damn, Diamonds are the worst scam in history. This may have been covered upthread.
Once upon a time, diamonds, all gemstones, were genuinely hard to comeby and cut. which is why your monarchs and such had stashes.
Nowadays, diamonds and the like are rarely resold, because everyone is convinced they have value, and so they hold onto them, so almost everyone buys new stuff all the time.
And they’re nothing but carbon. shiny, durable carbon, to be sure, but nothing really all that rare when you have modern mining techniques, or pressure labs taht can make them from scratch.
Diamonds, based on material availability and mechanization capacity should be about as expensive as golf balls.
Fucking Cecil Rhodes and De Beers.
Jennifer, so far as I’m able to discern your point, I concede it: advertising agencies are stocked bow to stern with burly domestic abusers, grunting and red-faced. Or conversely, women who are being abused and seek to normalize that. My (extensively first-hand) observation that the industry is rife with mediocre, cynical, aging hipster hacks who rely on lazy stereotypes before hitting the tavern at 6 is evidence of my own ignorance, and I apologize.
I’m really glad I’m not the only one who turns off the radio or TV whenever a diamond ad comes on. Every KISS MY ASS begins with Kay too.
I think the most annoying one’s I’ve heard this season are the, “FELLAS! Do you want to propose to that girl but you’re afraid she’ll pick out a ring that’s too expensive? Call ahead and tell us how much you can spend and we’ll limit the options for her. Of course, if she does fall in love with something more expensive, we’ve got easy financing.”
Now THERE’S a great way to start a relationship. Lies and deceit and going out of your way not to communicate with your spouse to be.
Not to mention, you’re telling the con-man how much is in your wallet before he even makes his pitch. That’s begging to be robbed blind.
If this is really how most relationships (don’t) work, I feel sorry for mainstream america.
Hey, if every woman wants diamonds, men don’t have to bother thinking very hard or finding out what their partner wants to buy a gift!
I’ll believe it is necessary when the industry starts target marketing lesbians to buy each other icees.
Nowadays, diamonds and the like are rarely resold, because everyone is convinced they have value, and so they hold onto them, so almost everyone buys new stuff all the time.
Very few people realize that their brand-new diamond rings actually depreciate in value once they’re bought because most of what you’re paying for is the design. The stones and metal themselves aren’t worth a huge amount.
There’s a good article in Wired (too lazy to google) about exactly how much of a scam the whole diamond thing is.
For those who want to get blase about diamonds, study some solid-state physics. One you realize how boring the bloody damn crystal structure it, you’ll never look at it the same way again. (I find stuff like alexandrite or andalusite far more interesting. Or opals. Opals are really fun–nature’s diffraction gratings!
The only thing I can think of using a 1 carat diamond for is as 1/2 of a diamond anvil. Now that’s cool–being able to use a manual screw system to get pressures the same as within Jupiter. Metallic hydrogen! Neat.
And if you wait a bit, we’re going to get pretty good at the synthetic diamond stuff as well. I’m not stopping until we can buy the stuff as industrial building material, a meter on a side.
And if you wait a bit, we’re going to get pretty good at the synthetic diamond stuff as well.
I think jewelry grade synthetic diamonds are about ready to hit the market. There’s a couple places that claim to make them, although I have yet to see a place where I can buy one. And the language is such a problem: there’s no clear distinction between fake-as-in-not-crystalline-carbon and fake as in real-diamond-made-in- factory-instead-of-pried-from-ground-by-African-teen, that is, it is kind of hard to tell from the marketing language exactly which of the two you’re getting.
Of course, when I was diamond shopping, it didn’t help that your average jeweler customer service person becomes worse than clueless as soon as you deviate from the 5C’s spiel and ask a real question.
I love love love jewelry, and loathe austerity. However, I much prefer artisanal jewelry to the Tiffany’s stuff which all looks alike to me. I’d rather have something handmade and distinctive, and that when I (or someone else) is buying it, I’m putting money back into the pockets of an artist and/or small businessperson.
And despite my love for the shiny, Man Who Gives Foot Massages and Pedicures definitely trumps Man Who Shows His “Love” By Buying Generic Baubles any day.
Hang on, zuzu: he *weighs* her? And they let other people know this?
I just… wow.
tzs -thanks for the geekery. I disagree with you on diamond’s crystalline structure being boring, but then again, I have a thing for tetrahedra. Incidentally, the whole “hardest material known” thing is false - Rhenium Diboride is harder, and can easily cut diamond. It’s also vastly more expensive, so if you really want to buy or rent some pussy - give her Rhenium Diboride! Any woman who puts out for a mere allotrope of carbon is a ho[*].
[*] OTOH, if I ever propose to a woman I’ll give her a couple of grams of Buckminsterfullerene to seal the deal.
It doesn’t really matter to the ad agency or to the client that we are offended by these ads.
Pandagon readers are not the target demographic.
Judging by the comments on this thread, most of us think that diamonds are at best a waste of money and at worst another symbol of patriarchal oppression. In other words, we aren’t potential customers.
These ads aren’t necessarily the result of lazy copywriters or sloppy ad agencies. These ads could be the result of ad agencies who know their target demographic - the wealthy misogynist who needs a guilt gift for his trophy wife.
I’m not kidding either. Look up what Detroit thinks of SUV owners if you want to know how an industry likes to market to the worst instincts in people.
“Every kiss begins with Kay” is truly awful on multiple levels.
“Women: they’ll fuck you for shiny objects.”
If I want to show her how much I love her I’ll do the fucking dishes. Just kidding - I’d never do that. It’s far too complicated for me to comprehend without some sort of extensive vocational training and apprenticeship.
My shallow, acquisitive, quintessentially American self battles once again with the self who knows I need nothing as a gift this holiday season, we’d be better people if we gave to charity instead of presents to each-spoiled-other, and, hello, watch Blood Diamond to never feel the same way about diamond jewelry again.
Brief note - as I understand it, only about 1% of gen diamonds are conflict diamonds.
I do think part of what is so disturbing about these ads is that they’re are a reminder of the existence of a demographic of wealthy misogynists that eats this stuff up. (Ugh! Do I need anymore reminding?!)
The other depressing thing to ponder is the nature of some kind of feedback loop at work here. In other words, the ad agency isn’t simply responding to an already existing audience. The ads contribute to more misogyny.
Only vaguely related, but I can’t resist throwing in some Flight of the Conchords to lighten things up:
Now, back on topic, clearly the misogynists came first in this situation. But ads like this aren’t just a symptom, they’re part of the problem.
The worst diamond ad I ever saw was a TV ad for DeBeers online. It aired sometime in the mid 90’s. The ad featured a woman’s left hand with diamond ring clicking a mouse. Every time she clicked the mouse, the ring’s appearance would change. Then came the tagline:
“At DeBeers.com, it takes only minutes to design an engagement ring. You have the rest of your life to design a husband.”
I saw that ad with my then-boyfriend. As I recall, we both shouted in indignation and threw popcorn at the screen.
I don’t think I’ll ever get married. If I do, I do not want a diamond ring for the reasons stated here.
All I can think of in this case is Ron White essentially laying the DeBeers ads’ intentions bare:
I don’t know, I can whip one up in MS Paint in a matter of minutes.
Mine has laser eyes and a hook hand.
I have an irrational hatred of the ‘chicken and egg’ analogy. Everytime I hear it, I have the uncontrollable urge to tell everyone that the egg existed millions of years before the first proto-chicken even saw the light of day. The dinosaurs were born from eggs, birds descend from dinosaurs, chickens are birds, ergo THE EGG! THE EGG DAMMIT!
Sorry about that.
“The dinosaurs were born from eggs, birds descend from dinosaurs, chickens are birds, ergo THE EGG! THE EGG DAMMIT!”
Why that’s…that’s…BLASPHEME!!
(Sorry, I have a habit of watching science shows and crowing about how blasphemous they are when they bring up evolution stuff. Yes, I am a nerd).
hey, Phoenician:
I’m asking where you found that possibly only about 1% of diamonds are conflict diamonds.
I ask, because, you know: I’ve always liked sparkly shit.
Way before I could get indoctrinated by ads. How do I know this? At the age of three or four when my mother returned (my long-deceased) father’s gift of an 8 carat diamond ring. It “looked too big, gaudy, and ridiculous, on my small hands”, she says. I liked those gems, and would go with the pair to the jewelry store, and hold diamonds up to my eye and gaze at them.
Full disclosure: I have to admit some of my early feminist ideals probably come from the fact that my mother was in charge of all decisions- and that just made sense to me. Actually, that’s probably not it.
I started questioning everything that didn’t make sense to me, as soon as I could speak. That, and I was raised on a strict diet of PBS, and the occasional 5pm, 5:30pm broadcasts of local and national news. I didn’t have much access to commercials.
But, yeah, anyway: I’m going to find where this information may exist, and attempt to look at non-biased information (like cull my uni’s journal articles- see if there’s anything there); although I’m suspicious of bias in just about any information that is disseminated. I guess I only trust peer-reviewed journal articles, at this point? * laughs at self*.
Oh, and just because what I said came off as bitchy (comments above re: marriage), I’ll state this:
Yes, if I wanted another degree in Women’s Studies (that’s what they still call it at the progressive KU, it could’ve been mine- it just meant ponying up more for another degree), I could have easily had it. Definitely had enough credits… And enough of my instructors would wear rings on their left hand, to signify their partnership (while stating that the history was all economics, not taking in the now (to be fair, we students were not the target demographic as someone mentioned above, about “trading sex/ownership for bling”. We tended to be more analytical thinkers than to fall for that shite).
oh. god (or whatever probably doesn’t exist). holly’s point:
I apologize if I came off assholic yesterday- long day of practicum delivering of food and presents (great exercise, and emotionally rewarding!) and so, was physically and emotionally sore.
I’ll say this: Both Gawker and here, commenters have
a few times pointed these things out:
marriage- doesn’t typically change an already living together arrangement (except then you’re guaranteed some benefits, if the worst should happen).
yes, heterosexual pairings can have something (because somebody asked on Gawker) like a civil union- it’s called getting married in the courthouse. I’m the product of at least two generations of this. Unfortunately, these pairings do get more rights than a homosexual pairing for a civil union. And that fucking sucks.
Love,
Long-winded, loose-associations, bitchy, idealistic…
Holly in KCMO, who buys her own peridot, gold quartz, purple(?) quartz sparkly shit.
huh. well, a quick google (because I ‘m running late to an appt.) search immediately brought up what you’re saying re: “blood/conflict” diamonds, Phoenician.
But, I’ll have to consult my precious journal articles, as I am suspicious that this could just be a website backed by Debeers.
This possibility is of interest for me, as I have been captivated by sparkly shit for as long as my mother can remember. (Yes, I was a prissy lil’ thing- now people just assume I’m ridiculously “femmey”- whatevs
)
The main problem with conflict diamonds is that while they might be a small percentage of overall production, once sold, there’s really no way to know. It’s not like they have life histories attached to them. You could be wearing a clean diamond or one that’s covered in blood, and they will both look the same, and your jeweller has absolutley NO incentive to tell you if you are buying a conflict diamond. The solution, for those of you who like sparklies, is to buy antiques. The prices are similar or cheaper, the quality is often better, and they were made by an artist instead of a machine. I Lurrrve my 2 carat diamond-sapphire ring, 150 years old, bought for a song, and pretty much cruelty free, as much as anything 150 years old can be cruelty free. But yeah, it’s pretty impossible to buy a modern diamond and escape the problems associated with them - even if you get a clean one by chance, you are contributing to the market that causes the bloodshed.
Not really apropos of anything, but all this talk about flowers and diamonds reminds me of a story my mother told me (and my father confirmed).
One Friday night, my father comes home and hands my mother a dozen long-stemmed red roses. My mother is the sentimental type and gushed appropriately about them and how beautiful they were and all that.
Next Friday night, dad comes home with another dozen long-stemmed red roses. Mom starts gushing all over again. Saying they are wonderful and telling her friends about how great my dad is.
Next Friday night, another dozen red roses. Mom again starts to gush and asks, “Why are you bringing me a dozen roses every Friday night?”
My dad explains, “That’s when they’re on sale.”
My father is one of the nicest people in the world, but he is by no means a “Playa”.
Cut to smarmy announcer: because you’re not that guy, go buy jewelry at Bob’s.
Now that I’m listening for them (and it’s Christmas present buying season), I think I heard one in the same campaign. And it’s a little more insidious than I thought. It’s not “oh, that guy is a wimp” it’s “yes, that guy is perfect, but you’ll never be him, so just buy her a diamond so you don’t have to even make the effort and take the risk that you’ll fail.”
If I were a guy, I’d be pretty pissed about these ads.
If you worry about blood diamonds, you should also worry about blood cocoa and blood phones.
Cocoa is notorious for its use of child labor and it helped to fuel the war in the Ivory Coast.
Coltan (used in cell phones, computers, …) mainly comes out of DR Congo and helped to fuel the war there (the most lethal war since WWII and on the verge of restarting).
I know this is a bit off topic, but at least the chocolate sort of goes with it.
Mostly off-topic …
Like lots of other Americans, I feel guilty for my unearned affluence and comfort, this includes many of the items I consume. Perhaps not guilty enough to give up my citizenship and try to farm in a drought, but I try to ease up on my footprint.
I did not know about blood cocoa or phones. That’s just great.
Perhaps not an excuse, but I have a limited amount of time each day that I can/will devote to hearing/reading the news. So instead of even the likes of CNN or Public Radio telling me about the real events of the world, I get to know that Britney’s little sister is pregnant, and Drew Peterson may have killed his wives. How screwed up is our news, anyway?
Thanks JohnL and Mustella.
Yeah, I just recently became aware of the cocoa problem. Was not aware of the “blood phones”. I’m not really sure what to do with that one. I tend to have jobs (like case-management), and will continue to, where people need to be able to get ahold of me at all times of the day or night. (Which sometimes sucks, when there’s not a real issue, by the way.)
Mustella- yep. have thought about those antique diamonds. My mother collects antiques, and so I have considered that as one of the best options. Nice to know you got it for a song! I never thought that would be a possibility. (I covet my elderly aunt’s Tiffany diamond, for pretty much that reason- not because of where her father (my grandfather) purchased my grandmother’s engagement ring. It has a history, and much sentimental value.
But, I’ll probably one day just cave and go in search of my own antique sparkly.
Not sure what to do about the cell phone/chocolate deal, though. Other than the obvious with chocolate.
togolosh @ 94: I think I would marry a man who presented me with Buckminsterfullerene.
hey, Phoenician: I’m asking where you found that possibly only about 1% of diamonds are conflict diamonds. I ask, because, you know: I’ve always liked sparkly shit.
Me heap big librarian. You no need apologise asking me to back me shit up - it me job,
Newspaper article - Dominion Post, 24 Nov 2007; p.C1,3. “Diamonds to die for” by Nick Churchhouse.
Further - note this story, and this one. Sorry - couldn’t find the one I cited online.
Amanda, if you are talking about that commercial where the guy screams in the Old-world European square that he loves this woman, she was embarassed cuz he was being loud and sounded kinda crazy. If my girlfriend did that I would feel a little awkward too if everyone was looking at me. The ad wasn’t saying that a woman’s affections are a commodity.
Thank you for commenting on how insulting and degrading these ads truly are.
From my own point of view, the message I get is the following:
“Men, who you are as a person is worthless. If you want a woman to love you, you have to buy her an expensive gift.”
I really hate those ads.
Great post, thanks for writing this.
What about the competitive nature of the diamond purchase for an engagement ring — the whole ‘two months’ salary’ rule?
The couple’s friends and family can figure out how big of a “catch” the man is by knowing what the rock is worth. So the man will be tempted to spend more to make them think he’s richer than he is.
Again, it’s all about the man, and his income and net worth, which translates his ability to purchase the services of a woman.