I simply don’t understand these “Christian” extremists — some of them are seriously unbalanced by ANY stretch of the imagination. Their worldview can be so bizarre that it’s hard to believe they think they believe they should be taken seriously by anyone outside their bubble.
Take this unhinged story (h/t, Right Wing Watch) about the alleged super secret government plan to create a North American Union, starting with the demonic Interstate 35, they believe is the conduit for an intense invasion of the U.S. of the Brown Menace. That conspiracy theory isn’t shared by all wingers, however. The fundie wing sees this superhighway as an salvation opportunity — a chance to save homos. I kid you not.
What if the yellow cloud surrounding I-35 isn’t an “invasion” from Mexico but an “invasion” of God? That, apparently, is the theory of the youth-oriented church activists profiled on yesterday’s “700 Club,” who are running “purity sieges” at clinics and porn shops, where they claim to be “moving angels and demons” by, for example, “setting free” an inebriated young man from “the desires to be with men” through the laying of hands at a gay bar.Check out the video from the 700 Club, describing a “prophecy that is being fulfilled through the interstate highway system,” with a “youth-oriented group harnessing the power of I-35 to ‘heal’ gays.”
The General has written Prophet Cindy Jacobs of the I-35 “Highway of Holiness” Initiative. It’s worth the click. A snippet:
Dear Prophet Cindy,I’m hearing nothing but good things about your I-35 Initiative. Your prayer warriors are storming houses of pornography all along the interstate and forcing the resident demons to submit to domination by the Master. Strapping young Christian men are invading homosexual bars, laying their hands upon the patrons, and making them scream Jesus’ name in ecstasy. Truly, we are witnessing the fulfillment Isaiah’s prophecy that “a highway will be there, it will be called the way of holiness.”
43 Responses to “700 Club: I-35 can cure homosexuality”
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
They sure want to lay their hands on gay guys and have them scream in ecstasy.
Ditto AR. And they’re mighty eager to invade porn stores. I wonder if they’re keeping anything for “research”.
I dunno, that seems pretty dangerous to me. I mean, the poor guy could laugh himself into a hernia.
Does “Jesus, you idiots, get your fucking hand off me!” count as the sort of screaming they are getting?
And depending on exactly which gay bars they are visiting, they may be misinterpreting the whole “wishing to submit to the domination of the Master” idea. There is a lot of that going on in leather bars, but not, I suspect, quite what the 700 Club approves of.
Notice that it is particularly the strapping young Christian men rushing into the bars, because, you know, all us gay guys are such wimps and all.
Really, sometimes they just make it too easy..
That last bit was some of the most homo erotic bit of prose I’ve seen in awhile
That last bit was some of the most homo erotic bit of prose I’ve seen in awhile
I think that the I-35 corridor, at least through Texas, has some factual basis which has been morphed beyond recognition by our unlearned, theocratic friends.
The irony, of course, is that Governor Perry (R-TX) wanted to implement some sort of transcontinental corridor, contracts going to his campaign contributors, which would have been quite wide and included roads, rail, underground cable lines, etc.
Most of it has been undone by legislation, and all that remains is a series of toll roads, but some of the history is here. Don’t worry, there’s nothing about the Apocalypse or gay Mexican UN one-worlders on that page.
I-35.
Gay Bars.
Waco.
Baylor University.
Fundiewackos.
It all makes sense, somehow.
What is it with the fire again? Christians always going on about ’setting people on fire’. I feel like I’m in the Spanish Inquisition already!
Seriously, if someone came up to me and started chanting ‘Fire!” I’d be more inclined to assume an Arthur Brown fan than anything else.
Even thought it’s an urban legend, I fail to see what would be wrong with a North American Union or a North American Super Highway.
I guess the Jewish bankers got to me…
norbizness,
You’re right — I was going to say words to that effect, but you beat me to it. It’s important to separate fear and loathing of Latinos from fear and loathing of American Coorporatism. Mexicans and Americans are ultimately both the losers when it comes to NAFTA. And believe me, the fuckers who crafted the damn thing didn’t do so out of warm and fuzzy feelings for their brown-skinned brethren.
And yet, the filter a work won’t let me watch a video of groping at gay bar (yeah, I know that’s not what it is, but that’s what the filter looks to have picked up). Weird. Must be some sort of electric conspiracy!
P.S. You’re thinking of the Trans-Texas Corridor, a gigantic commercial conduit to Mexico that would be operated as a toll facility 100 percent by a private entity, even though it would be built with public funds. It’s not dead, just stalled. It has so much momentum as to be an inevitability. It’s rank profiteering, plain and simple.
So a claim [of] “moving angels and demons” is all it takes to make the laying of hands on perfect strangers legal? Because, were I a gay person in a bar, quietly sipping my drink, I’d be screaming bloody murder and speed dialing the SWAT team if a strange religious person so much as impinged on my personal space, let alone touched me without my express permission.
I think the poster who wrote this had to have been kidding, in a Betty Bowers kind of way. The only step that’s left out is where the strapping young lads pay the patrons $20 so that the Christian men can practice their cocksucking skills.
ekf, it’s from the General. He writes a parody site (or is it?)
norbizness may have something there. I can personally attest from my own time living in Austin that the little ittybittyteenytiny 2.1725 metre long onramps that lead from the downtown to the lower level of I-35 certainly brought me closer to Jesus. It was usually of the “Christ! He just missed me!” variety, admittedly, but Jesus works in mysterious ways.
Ah. I can’t keep up with what’s satire and what’s real anymore with this kind of wingnuttery.
Strapping young Christian men are invading homosexual bars, laying their hands upon the patrons, and making them scream Jesus’ name in ecstasy. Truly, we are witnessing the fulfillment Isaiah’s prophecy that “a highway will be there, it will be called the way of holiness.”
Please tell me there’s some way to work the word “Hershey” into this story…
I watched the video…and it seems to me that this is a sickness that keeps spreading…
I’ve seen more than one person give up one addiction for another…even if that addiction is “god”…it’s still not healthy to have your opinions and thoughts pre-programmed by anyone but yourself…
a lot of these people only keep reciting the rhetoric that has become all to common place of the “on fire for god” churches…
Now…if you read the entire book of Isaiah 35…it tells a different story…about the
“glory of Lebanon”
“behold your god will come with vengeance”
“and the parched ground shall become a pool, and the thirsty land springs of water: in the habitation of dragons, where each lay, shall be grass with reeds and rushes”
and mostly about how the “redeemed” shall walk the highway…not be found there.
Again…how the people who should be most familiar with their own book are not…and a perfect example of how unhealthy it is to let someone of less common sense than yourself do the thinking for you.
I drive on I-35 every day in San Antonio, and I can personally attest to the EXTREME demonic character of this highway. It’s pure evil…but not for the reasons the wingnuts think.
ekf, I can understand your confusion, since the actual article is only 1 millimeter away from the parody. An inebriated man is “cured” of his desire to be w/ men by the “laying on of hands”? It only worked till next morning, though, and he wound up calling the strapping young Xtians for a nooner-um…noon prayer session…
Only because when these whackjobs arrived and started their thing, the bar cleared out. Must be because everyone saw the error of their ways rather than getting the hell out of Dodge.
Res publica, I think that you forget something.
The I-35 through Austin is evil in and of itself. The I-35 becomes boring and unthreatening as you leave Austin, then becomes evil because of San Antonio.
I blame the Alamo.
Being at work, I can’t do too much googling for it, but north of Dallas on I-35 there’s a porno barn called “TK’s Adult Video” (which is painted on the barn roof in big, white letters). No doubt the 700 Club members are familiar with it, having done some laying on of hands there over the years.
…….
Do what, now?
I don’t usually say that. But I don’t know what else to say to that.
By all that is holy, I live mere miles from I-35. Please make this fundie madness STOP!
Geez, Louise! They’re at it again.
The problem is that whackos like that give the rest of us a bad name … shit like that makes me shrug my shoulders with a sad sigh …
Trans-Texas Corridor:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans-Texas_Corridor
My FIL is a big fighter against this; the slow cancerous encroachment of fucking toll roads into Texas is one thing that does unite the dirty hippies and the rednecks. (Willie Nelson is another). This fucker would cut Texas in half, shit all over what’s left of the environment, and make Boston’s Big Dig look like a bike path.
They threw the rail lines, which we actually could use, and the telecommunications lines in as a sop–not much of one when a 1200 foot wide road is cut through your state. Being that this is the state where eminent domain was used to evict people for a fucking mall, you can bet all the poor folks in its way are going to lose big.
Having said all that, what the fuck is up with the “yellow cloud”?? That’s just toxic smoke from the cement plants. Crazy fundie idiots.
I-35? They’re gonna get fucked up when it splits in the Twin Cities.
Since I live basically ON I-35–IN AUSTIN–I’m not sure if I’m more perturbed by the real, rank evilness of the highway, or the concept of these crazy people worshiping it as a holy road that brings Jesus to all the heathens.
Have we really fallen this far? Rank superstition is openly evangelized? This is a tad further from rational than even I thought we’d get in my lifetime. Let the sacrifices commence.
You know what I want to know: how many wide stances in the rest area men’s rooms along God’s Own Asphalt?
I don’t know whether it’s teh stoopid or teh tack-keee that gets me more.
For some reason, this reminded me of a Molly Ivins article in which she discussed legislative efforts to make peein’ on the wall illegal one of the funniest things she’d written….Damn I miss her.
Oh…so this road is evil…hmm?
Does that mean that it gather’s evil to it…evil like these crazy folks here?
It’s called the Security and Prosperity Partnership of North America
http://www.spp.gov/
Or here’s a whitehouse press release.
Hm…
They should do these sieges at orphanages and homeless shelters and help THOSE people. But it seems that is not a priority…
Strapping young Christian men are invading homosexual bars, laying their hands upon the patrons, and making them scream Jesus’ name in ecstasy.
Of course, that could be “Jesus, get your hands *off* me you freak!”
Or, it could be “Jesus, what a light touch!”
Wait - I got the blog equivalent of Rick Rolled - I totally missed the line where you said that quote was from Jesus’ General XD XD
wow, “fire”? i’ve been groped and complimented at the bi-weekly liberal homosexual agenda parties, but that’s a pretty good line. i don’t think it’s far-fetched to go to church just to have an excuse to follow the guy home on Saturday night.
I-35 is completely straight running through Waco, but is rather kinky in the Austin area, and goes both ways to Dallas and Fort Worth.
I live in St Paul and work in Minneapolis, so maybe the rest of the country has forgotten, but I note that I-35W is the highway that had the bridge collapse back in August.
What does this mean for the highway of holiness?
I guess even Jesus has trouble getting highway funding.
not to worry please. 700 club will cure christinanity.