“Yeah, crap like this has got to make you wonder what the average Chinese factory worker thinks Americans are really like. Then again, they’re exporting their unwanted daughters here too.”

One of the funniest things I ever saw on TV was footage of Chinese workers making porn star dildoes — row upon row of giant penii (penises?) — their expressions were priceless.

Maybe they think we’re all hung like that — tee hee.

That is so horrible about the surplus daughter thing — I know so many people with adopted Chinese daughters. They can send the choicest cute, lonely Chinese men my way in a few years .

She’s gone completely Alzheimer-ey now, so I can’t get a verifiable opinion out of her any more; but even her fully functioning brain was out of whack enough to think this stuff was a total hoot.

I think that has something to do with why my siblings and I never really spent any time outside of family gatherings at that particular grandmother’s place — and why my father always maintained a decidedly … distant … relationship with her.

I was in a bar invaded by a bachelorette party, and it was really fun — they had the table right next to the stage where the drag queens were performing. This one performer was totally intoxicated, and her leopard skin bodice kept slipping down and exposing her boobs while she drunkenly lip-synched. The bachelorettes would run up a the first sight of boob exposure, kiss her on the cheek, yank up her bodice and stuff in a tip — it was funny, and touching at the same time.

The doofus owner will pull harder and harder, ‘cause he’s not gonna let a girl desk accessory boss HIM around – then it releases suddenly, causing the pen to make a sudden, forceful and unwelcome entry in the owner’s eye socket.

‘Ouch!’