From PZ, Michael Hanscom has received a truly awesome ad for some snake oil.
Prairie picked up the mail and started flipping through the envelopes. Handing one to me with a puzzled look on her face, she asked, “What mailing list are you on?” The envelope she handed me had a somewhat softcore porn-ish shot of a man and woman in bed, with the text “THE FIRST TRUE REVOLUTION IN MALE SEXUAL POWER IS HERE…NOW!” emblazoned across it.
“I’m really not sure,” I said and popped it open. Pulling the folded newsletter style paper out of the envelope, my eyebrows shot up, and I started to laugh at the headline that greeted me:
It gets better. The product promises to blast estrogen from a man’s body, you know, so he can return to blasting his man fluid inside a female body on a more reliable basis, restoring the natural order of things. I think about what having sex with a guy who finds this ad compelling must be like, and once again I’m impressed by the formidable patience that many American women must possess as a basic marriage survival skill.
The eternal optimist in me looks at this and hopes that it might have the effect of raising awareness of the problem of estrogen mimickers in our environment, which you can’t blame for inconstant erections as you age, but certainly aren’t good things and probably linked to rising rates of cancers in both men and women. But the realist in me knows that these ads will probably just reinforce the notion that the process of being a “real” man requires scrubbing hints of the dreaded feminine within.
48 Responses to “More oiled snakes with this here snake oil”
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Worst ad of 2007 nominee.
If the guy in the ad is blasting himself with things that break down hormones so that there are higher testosterone levels (relatively), why isn’t he bald?
Worst ad of 2007 nominee.
I think its tied with the Viagra advertisement where supposedly 50+ men are sitting around in a band singing the praises of viagra with huge smiles on their faces–and, by assumption, raging boners.
The guys don’t look anything like the people that actually take viagra. They are supposed to be over 50 but they look like they’re athletes in their early 30s!
The email version of this are even worse, as they involve (and I’m not making this up) blasting the insides of your woman with your new massive cock and the like. It’s rare that one of them slops past the spam blocker, but it reminds me just how misogynistic that small segment of the population is.
“But the realist in me knows that these ads will probably just reinforce the notion that the process of being a “real” man requires scrubbing hints of the dreaded feminine within.”
As support, I give you a blast from the past:
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: For the experiment to be a success, all of the body parts must be enlarged.
Inga: His veins, his feet, his hands, his organs vould all have to be increased in size.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Exactly.
Inga: He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: That goes without saying.
Inga: Voof.
Igor: He’s going to be very popular.
Male anxiety is nothing new, and virulent denial of the feminine to bolster masculinity isn’t new either.
But the particular confluence of pants-wetting Reichwing fear, macho posturing by administration draft dodgers and their sycophants, and the public malaise over the morass in Iraq has brought all of this back to the forefront…
I got this in spam years ago … along with the another spam about soy estrogens harming us so we should stop drinking soy milk (which I must drink because real moo cow fock milk sets of my fibromyalgia), stop eating tofu, etc. etc. I pointed out to the realtive who fowarded me that spam that bean curd and tofu have been eaten for centruies in some of the most male oriented, male dominatied, machoistic societies in the world. Those food didn’t seem to bother them.
I ask them to consider that this might just be something from those whose businesses might be affected by more people adopting soy into their diets.
The ad doesn’t mention that fatty tissue itself can change testosterone into estrogen (for males) and visa versa for women. But no one is yelling about that.
This will be right up there and attributed to those ugly, man hating, feminists and their doctor evil type conspiracies. “Changing men, one hormone at a time.”
I love the fact that this guy has tried every “male sexual booster” he’s encountered. Performance anxiety?
The eternal optimist in me looks at this and hopes that it might have the effect of raising awareness of the problem of estrogen mimickers in our environment, which you can’t blame for inconstant erections as you age,
Of course you can.
That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
“I love the fact that this guy has tried every “male sexual booster” he’s encountered. Performance anxiety?”
I’m sure he wants to be VERY CLEAR on that point. He personally DOES NOT HAVE a “physical problem” that would need treatment. He has NEVER had that problem, and WILL NEVER have that problem in the future.
However, he’s heard OTHER MEN have problems, and out of love for his fellow MAN, he’s been conducting research on their behalf.
He’s just that kind of manly man…
Why can’t people be happy with what nature gave them? Its been proven, again and again, that unless you have a micropenis (less than three inches), you can do just fine in bed. If your girlfriend or wife isn’t having fun, its not because you don’t have a massive rod. Its because you suck at having sex.
The good news is, you can change that without using snake oil.
So, now that Orange County is finally getting fluoridated water, can we take this as a sign that estrogen-mimickers in our food/water are the new chemical bogeyman we all have to fear (males especially)?
***
General Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt, flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk… ice cream. Ice cream, Mandrake, children’s ice cream.
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: Lord, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: You know when fluoridation first began?
Group Capt. Lionel Mandrake: I… no, no. I don’t, Jack.
General Jack D. Ripper: Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works…
Yes! If women would just stop peeing, men could be men again!
Oh argh. I suppose it would be too much to mention that men actually need some estrogen for a healthy heart, bones, brain, etc. Yes, that would be too much.
Oh well…”Estro Blaster” sounds cool, anyway. It sounds like Jane and Judy Jetson’s secret weapon against Elroy and George.
Say that Jane and Judy want to have the girlz over for a spiked-coffee brunch, klatsch, and card game on Saturday, but George objects. He wants to be able to sleep in and watch football, and he doesn’t want the annoyance of hi-pitched gabble in the background. It’s his house, dammit; he earns the money that pays for it. He’s not going to be put into a secondary position in his own house by his own wife, not if he has anything to say about it, and he does.
Elroy goes along with George. Elroy wants whatever Dad wants.
So Jane gets out her Acme Estro Blaster and zaps George, whilst Judy unlimbers her Estro Blaster Junior Model and does the same to Elroy. Immediately the two males, all houseproud estrogen scoured from their respective systems, are seized with a desire to go outside, right away, and crash a bunch of not very navigable model planes (or spaceships, I suppose, in the Jetson world). So the two boyz stay outside all day, fighting over the remote control, piles of spaceship model detritus increasing in every direction, while Jane and Judy get the house to themselves. Victory.
(Last scene in the epp: a whistling buzz followed by a whistling plummet. It’s the 50th or 100th model spaceship crash of the day. George Jetson shakes his remote control dolorously and mutters:”…must be something wrong with this thing.” “Dad?” Elroy interjects,”…Dad?” “What, son?” “What are we doing out here, Dad?” Long pause. George Jetson, still shaken by the effects of the Estro Blaster, has yet to get his balance back. Finally he finds his tongue. “Gee, Elroy,” he replies, “gee, I don’t really know.“)
(Tentative episode title: Jane’s Mainstay.)
Whaddaya think?
Love the next paragraph, after “tried every sexual booster”: “Always with the same result: big dose of promise, small portion of result.”
-Maybe the drugs aren’t the problem: maybe somebody just has a “small portion” all the time…
ever think of adding a new category: “Can’t Make This Shit Up”?
I love how they blame *women* for the problem. Of course. It couldn’t possibly be pesticides that act as estrogen mimickers. As we all know, pesticides are necessary for capitalist agriculture and capitalism improves erectile functioning. It must be women having the nerve to pee.
Um.
Estrogen is a biochemical precursor to testosterone. That is, to make the latter, your body produces the former and modifies it. All women have estrogen and don’t have testosterne, true. But all men have estrogen naturally — and would be unhealthy if they didn’t. Again, to get testosterone men have estrogen.
You have to be ignorant and absolutely pathetic to fall for this shit. And if it works it will likely screw you up badly. More likely than not it is pure placebo.
All women have estrogen and don’t have testosterne, true.
Untrue.
All women have estrogen and don’t have testosterne, true.
Untrue
Seconded
(the “untrue” bit)
Am I the only one impressed by the massive cajones that must grace a man who can put a picture of himself with that shit-eating grin right next to the words “I’ve tried every ‘male sexual booster’ to come down the pike for years.” It’s really too bad for him, because if those balls were working at capacity…
Kyso:
It’s another one of those “the only common element in all of your failed relationships is you” moments, I think.
… am I the only one who finds these male booster ads sort of endearing? I mean, obviously the “blast girl cooties!” aspect of this one is less than totally charming. But just, I wonder who goes for this stuff — it doesn’t seem like, by and large, it would be woman-haters. In fact it appeals shamelessly to would-be lady-impressers. Like, right, maybe pretty misguided about the keys to successful woman-pleasuring heterosexual sex: but definitely wanting that outcome. the products themselves may be all snake oil — but the sentiment behind trying them? Sort of heartening.
“But just, I wonder who goes for this stuff — it doesn’t seem like, by and large, it would be woman-haters. In fact it appeals shamelessly to would-be lady-impressers.”
I immediately think of Bill Paxton’s character in True Lies, the sleazy used car dealer trying to get Jamie Lee Curtis from Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And that’s not a good thought…
It’s not just pesticides, but also additives and preservatives - which one cannot even get screened for to see if you are allergic to them. When I had tests to see what I was allergic to, it was over 20 years ago and I was tested for preservatives. Now doctors cannot test for those, because as I understand it, it would doom our food industry. A right winger I know blamed that on the Clinton administration, but I’m not sure.
What I do know is that I’ve tried to put us on as much organic food as I can. Even our cats are on organic food from Nutro, after this summer of thinking we were going to loose one. He was so ill and feeble looking, and the other (our female) was throwing up every few days (and this was on a pet food the vet said was “okay”) So I pulled them off everything and went completely organic. The male began putting back on the weight, I no longer saw him sleeping in the middle of the backyard and his coat was shinny and nice to touch. Our female cat hasn’t thrown up at all since putting them on organic food.
My boys are looking and feeling better too, but, I can only do this because we have enough money in the budget, this isn’t cheap. I wish others could do this too.
How many of those food additives and preservatives are estrogen mimickers? I don’t think they’ll ever be a study, much easier to blame the womenzzz, feminists, and the libbers.
All women have estrogen and don’t have testosterne, true
Untrue
seconded
thirded
Except, Kathleen, they seem utterly uninterested in impressing the ladies through their orgasm-providing skills and instead subduing the demons within by showing off their pound-you-until-your-cunt-is-numb skills. Not that erections aren’t wonderful things (I’m a big fan myself), but they’re not the end-all, be-all of female pleasure, or even close to it.
not they’ll . . it’s there’ll
gah
It was my thought that the invention of Viagra and its variants would help save some endangered species by giving Asian males something that works and is not made of vanishing wildlife parts.
I not so sure now. It seems that the male sex brain is way too uncontrollable to respond to basic logic. Blasting estrogen from the body, that’s a new one, won’t be the last one.
All we know for sure is that “Estro Blaster” sounds reeeally familiar – we can’t remember if it was a early 90s studio outtake by Stereolab or “Man or Astroman”, but we’re looking for emails for both of them tonight. Artists are losing enough as it is with the record industry and online file sharing, crank drug mongers shouldn’t also be ripping them off too.
Let’s see what’s actually in “Estro Blaster”:
Estro Blaster Supplement Facts
Serving Size: 2 Capsules
Serving per container: 30
Amount per Serving % Daily Value
Tribulus extract (40% FURANOSTEROLS ) 200 mg *
Curcumins C13 (as turmeric oil extract) 200 mg *
Milk Thistle extract (80% silymarin extract) 175 mg *
Calcium-D-Glucarate 150 mg *
Diindolylmethane - (DIM) 100 mg *
*Daily Value not established.
From Wikipedia:
Tribulus extract
(to oversimplify, it looks like the active ingredient is a precursor to steroids which would increase blood levels of testosterone)
Curcumins
To oversimplify, curcuminoids are supposed to have anti-oxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-carcinogenic activity…but neither Wikipedia nor any online resource I could find easily suggests what doses might be effective, nor what the possible side effects and interactions curcuminoids might have…but Wikipedia does say that the various constituent chemicals in curcuminoids are NOT available in pure form on the open market, which should maybe make one wary of using them in an uncontrolled “dietary supplement” manner.
3,3′-Diindolylmethane (DIM)
DIM apparently has some potent anti-cancer activities. Sounds like great research potential, and also potentially dangerous to experiment, especially as a recreational drug (which it is in a sense, if one expects it to make sexual activity somehow better).
Milk Thistle
A possibly active ingredient, Silymarin, may have some promise in treating hepatitis, but studies so far are inconclusive. There are numerous other health benefits claimed for Milk Thistle, no studies though cited which prove in a scientific double-blind manner, etc, that Milk Thistle is any more effective than Cow’s Milk, ha ha
Calcium-D-Gluctarase: nothing at all in Wikipedia
There is a discount drug website which says it’s believed to decrease levels of carcinogenic enzymes which naturally occur in the body, and also that it can increase estrogen reabsorption … or increase elimination … whatever. It seems that studies are inconclusive, but there are potentially dangerous interactions with drugs that might increase to dangerous blood levels because of this drug’s interference with liver enzymes. Hey, at least the website includes cautions, right? Well, yes, but they don’t apparently sell this drug, either.
…heck, we could go on, but basically this product DOES potentially increase blood levels of testosterone, through Tribulus anyway, which really can be dangerous for guys with high blood pressure or who may tend to have prostate problems. It’s possible that any of these drugs – and that’s what they are, drugs, whether or not they are labeled for sale as “dietary supplements” or “Cheapskate Nutraceuticals” – sorry, Chesapeake – MIGHT be helpful when prescribed by a doctor or if their use is monitored by a doctor or in a clinical trial – maybe even one by the “MD” behind the product – but not by their likely over-the-counter use by insecure guys who would probably be better off if they spent their money on a doctor’s or a therapist’s appointment, especially if they could bring their partner with them. And while there might be information included in “Estro Blaster”, say, that mentions the above possible side effects, it’s certainly not on their website for potential end users to read and consider before purchase. The only cautions – to be honest, the company does say “WARNING” — is that it’s intended to be used by men, and not for pregnant or nursing women or persons under 18. Of course, a lot of insecure guys under 18 use drugs just like this. Some women are targeted by ads like this too for sexual enhancement, but they’re usually for odd prescription drugs and while there are similar concerns it’s not as big of a problem (yet) as drugs like these are for men (and their partners).
Sorry to carry on like this, but it would be great to read more exposes that actually deconstruct the dangers of these supplements. It might also help open the men (and women) who these drugs are targeted at to questioning the implicit, unrealistic social and sexual constructs that are used to help sell them.
But so long as it’s legal to sell drug/”nutrceuticals” like these, there will always be someone who might find some reward, somehow, in a product named, say “ProstaBlast”:
Chesapeake Nutraceuticals product line
…but maybe it should be left to another post to deconstruct THAT. We don’t want to go anywhere NEAR “ProstaBlast”.
And we doubt that Stereolab or Man or Astroman would either.
Misspoke. Error in copy/paste of my post. :-/. (I’d deleted that line before.) Either this browser fucks me or the word processor does. I think I’ll just be satisfied with gibberish in the future. But my main point stands.
probably linked to rising rates of cancers in both men and women.
cite?
“It must be women having the nerve to pee.”
-Actually, all of us having the nerve to pee: sewage treatment plants can’t break down everything we pass through our bodies, and some medicines don’t break down as they pass–so the DEP has found trace elements of pain relievers, caffeine, anti-depressants, and yes, hormones, in ground water all over these United States.
Thirsty, anyone?
Oh argh. I suppose it would be too much to mention that men actually need some estrogen for a healthy heart, bones, brain, etc. Yes, that would be too much.
Nuh-uh! That’s girl stuff. We need a manly hormone, like testosterone, or Human Growth Hormone, or…uh…plastic. Or somethin’. Quit trying to make me think, woman!
Actually, all of us having the nerve to pee: sewage treatment plants can’t break down everything we pass through our bodies, and some medicines don’t break down as they pass–so the DEP has found trace elements of pain relievers, caffeine, anti-depressants, and yes, hormones, in ground water all over these United States.
And so it has been for as long as biotic life has existed on this planet, and so it will be long after humans are extinct. I’m all for good sewage treatment, but in the Western world potable water is indisputably safer than it’s ever been. Whether it’s as safe as it can be expected to be is another question, of course.
I love the fact that this guy has tried every “male sexual booster” he’s encountered.
Yeah, you know, I’ve never tried any “male sexual booster” in my life. Strangely, I’ve never needed to. Indeed, of the circle of friends around me, the only man who has also asked us when his girlfriend was justly furious with him whether she was just PMSing. I’m not saying. I’m just saying.
So, okay, this may be a stupid question, but if they’re all “OMG, manly men are becoming wimmins!” because there is apparently estrogen in the water… is there a problem of *testosterone* in the water doing things to women, or is that not an issue/clearly returning the world to its correct order?
So, okay, this may be a stupid question, but if they’re all “OMG, manly men are becoming wimmins!” because there is apparently estrogen in the water… is there a problem of *testosterone* in the water doing things to women, or is that not an issue/clearly returning the world to its correct order?
The science is different - AFAIK there’s no evidence of testosterone mimickers having an effect on animals, which is what this silly bastard is conflating with “feminising” adult males.
Amanda, I don’t get this line: once again I’m impressed by the formidable patience that many American women must possess as a basic marriage survival skill.
I’d think it would be just as hard to be dating, having to weed through a**holes like our Mr. Erection here. Maybe even harder.
Mohjho: Blasting estrogen from the body, that’s a new one, won’t be the last one.
If any of those worked, it would be the last one for the person using it, I guess. Darwin prizes and honorable mentions all around…
can’t they just stuff a sock in the front of their pants like Shrub did when he landed on that aircraft carrier??
Ovaries make testosterone, and so does the adrenal gland, iirc.
This actually was something I looked up quite a bit about several years ago because several endocrine tests were done, and my testosterone levels were normal– for a man, which I’m not. I didn’t have any symptoms that went with abnormally high levels, though, so it didn’t seem too important. I’m on the pill, which I think has some influence. My body hair is a bit lighter and slower growing than it was, but, otoh, I still see muscle definition changes in a single week of exercise. PZ Meyers thread was also talking a bit about the body changing estrogen to testosterone and vice-versa, which, given my exaggerated hourglass body type, might mean I’ve been awash with both most of my adult life?
The only thing that would make that ad funnier (if it weren’t so sad) was if it screamed in 26-point, bright red font:
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
Crabby: I AM LAUGHING MY A** OFF!!!
Yeah, I think Crabby wins the Internets. This calls for some YouTubery.
Crabby: I AM LAUGHING MY A** OFF!!!
Seconded.
The only thing that would make that ad funnier (if it weren’t so sad) was if it screamed in 26-point, bright red font:
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
Daniel-san - Crotch-On, Crotch-Off! Crotch-On, Crotch-Off!
The hilarious thing is that excess testosterone in the endocrine system often gets converted into estrogen and vice versa; they’re both just forms of cholesterol after all. So raising a guy’s testosterone level can actually backfire and cause more estrogen in his system than before. This is similar, if I’m not mistaken, to how synthetic androgens like anabolic steroids end up causing breast development in bodybuilders who use them.
So good luck messing with your hormone levels, macho fellows! Your body just might decide to turn it into estrogen anyway!
“Am I the only one impressed by the massive cajones that must grace a man who can put a picture of himself with that shit-eating grin right next to the words “I’ve tried every ‘male sexual booster’ to come down the pike for years.”
Cajones, cojones/cojones, cajones…..There are way too many jokes about the confusion arising from those 2 words already.
Including the woman my parents knew who moved to Spain and, when giving the builders instructions for her wardrobe, said, “Quiero cojones…muchos cojones. Cojones aqui, cojones aqui, cojones aqui….”
According to the story, the builders were too embarrassed to ever come back.
This is similar, if I’m not mistaken, to how synthetic androgens like anabolic steroids end up causing breast development in bodybuilders who use them.
Correct:
It can also be seen in liver damage due to alcoholism.
The only thing that would make that ad funnier (if it weren’t so sad) was if it screamed in 26-point, bright red font:
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
“CROTCH-ON! Apply directly to penis.”
Daniel-san - Crotch-On, Crotch-Off! Crotch-On, Crotch-Off!
Or, to the tune of “The Clapper” ads:
Crotch on, crotch off–THE CROTCHER!(clapclap)