It also ignores the reasoning behind this abuse (as indicated in the OT). This reminds me of blogs that mention female genital mutilation, where some person (usually some persecution-complex male) will protest, BUT MALE CIRCUMCISION IS BAD TOO! It is; I completely agree. But to compare the two refuses to address the motivation behind genital mutilation, a motivation which is not there when circumcising a boy, and that is male domination over women and their bodies. The motivation in this issue and in female genital mutilation is extremely troubling, and that’s what we should be focusing on.

My child’s biopop raped me and that’s how he came about. My parents said I deserved it. I was trying to get away from him and he was stalking me–even though I spent most of the time with him covered in bruises on my arms and legs, they said I wanted it and said things like “what did you do to deserve it?” Afterwards, it was HIS mother that counseled me because he wanted another one and I didn’t. I went on the pill and lied about it. My father also tried to convince me to have another, because it wasn’t fair to my first if I didn’t. Later, when I got away from the wife beater, my father said it was better to have a violent father around for the baby than none.

Seems like there’s way too much disdain for men who do bad things and way too much compassion for women who do bad things. There’s no need to morally condemn anyone if you want to take up the argument that people are victims of their own environment. And definitely no need to give anyone who’s disingenous an excuse they can use to justify their own bad behavior.

As for child support, did you just completely ignore all the commenters saying that it’s usually easy for a man to get out of it if has a mind to?

In the example — a man gets a woman pregnant so he can control her — this guy faces the prospect of having a kid he doesn’t want and being legally responsible for 18 years of child care. I don’t think many men logically want this. I think the vast majority of men who have sex with women they do not want to have a long-term relationship with are not thrilled at the prospect of pregnancy.

That’s assuming some rationality on the part of the man, but how many men are so unglued that they want to create this major obligation for themselves? Again, no doubt there are such men, but it would fall on the edges of human behavior.

I think that some people may be inflating their numbers by taking any case where a woman is knowingly imperfect in her birth control use as a knowing attempt to get pregnant.

Absolutely. If a woman does not wish to have an abortion after failed birth control, or doesn’t realize she’s pregnant until it’s too late, it must be because she wants to victimize the man. Because it’s all about the mens.

Men also sabotage condom use so they can go “bareback” without the woman knowing. If she gets pregnant, no skin off his nose.

ginmar:

And so we’re back to square one, which is where women were thirty years ago: you could get awarded child support in court, but nobody would collect it and the hubby wouldn’t pay it because the bitch didn’t deserve it.

That’s not universal, of course, many men do pay. My brother paid on time every month even when his wife moved with the kids across the country. But he probably could have skipped on it with little consequence had he not been a mensch about it.

Well, I don’t get out much so I can’t testify from any personal knowledge about these alleged hordes of pregnancy-trap setting she-devils.

While some pregnancy-trap setting women probably do exist (I haven’t met any personally, but I’ve known enough manipulative people of both sexes to suppose just about every kind of manipulation can be found somewhere), I think that some people may be inflating their numbers by taking any case where a woman is knowingly imperfect in her birth control use as a knowing attempt to get pregnant. For example, a man and a woman, in the throes of mutual lust, both have sex without using or bothering to ask about birth control. Some people would assume the woman can’t have just gotten carried away by desire, the same as the man; she must have intended to get pregnant. Or a man mostly uses condoms, but sometimes gets careless; he’s careless. A woman mostly takes her pill, but some days forgets; she’s sabotaging things.

This isn’t really germane, since I don’t think there’s a lot of abuse going on in these relationships — just total cluelessness. However, it bears notice because it makes me wonder who gets what out of relationships and how much it varies from person to person. Most of the wives seem reasonably content with their lot, but it’s hard for me to put myself in the position of a young woman who wants to have a baby with her professor, and marry him even though he’s so much older. Maybe it gives them structure.

It’s really weird reading this article next to the John Q TV ads. I mean, you’ve gotta make a living, and I really dislike it when people hold a blogger responsible for the content of her ads, but it’s just weird.

At any rate, I’ve only ever heard of one gal trying to get pregnant to apparently keep a man and it was a rumour… However, I’ve known tons of men trying to knock up the gals they were with. One was a friend. She did get pregnant but lost the guy and aborted within the first 8 weeks. This shit does happen. It’s completely a control issue. “Insecure man seeks young girl to own and screw around on”. ack. Furthermore I completely agree with what Amanda said about men “always keeping their options open”. For the longest time I couldn’t trust a single man because I suspected they were “keeping their options open” rather than being honest. Ah well lucky me, i found a good egg in the end.