Perhaps the best article I have read on this is as follows: http://www.justicewomen.com/cj_whydoesntsheleave.html

“Women often don’t leave domestic violence because they know that when they do leave the danger of more severe violence increases dramatically. Violence, and the sheer terror of it, is one of the principle reasons women don’t leave. And the women are right!

Fact: When domestic violence victims attempt to leave the relationship, the stalking and violence almost always escalates sharply as the perpetrator attempts to regain control.

Fact: The majority of domestic violence homicides occur as a woman attempts to leave or after she has left.

Fact: The most serious domestic violence injuries are perpetrated against women who have separated from the perpetrator.

The women know these dangers. They know them because they’ve already experienced the violent responses when they’ve attempted to assert themselves, even minimally, within the relationship. They know because the perpetrators have usually threatened precisely what they intend to if she does try to leave.”

*****

This woman did what she had to, to survive. She is amazing. As are all the other battered women out there doing what they need to, to survive.

Perhaps the best article I have read on this is as follows: http://www.justicewomen.com/cj_whydoesntsheleave.html

“Women often don’t leave domestic violence because they know that when they do leave the danger of more severe violence increases dramatically. Violence, and the sheer terror of it, is one of the principle reasons women don’t leave. And the women are right!

Fact: When domestic violence victims attempt to leave the relationship, the stalking and violence almost always escalates sharply as the perpetrator attempts to regain control.

Fact: The majority of domestic violence homicides occur as a woman attempts to leave or after she has left.

Fact: The most serious domestic violence injuries are perpetrated against women who have separated from the perpetrator.

The women know these dangers. They know them because they’ve already experienced the violent responses when they’ve attempted to assert themselves, even minimally, within the relationship. They know because the perpetrators have usually threatened precisely what they intend to if she does try to leave.”

*****

This woman did what she had to, to survive. She is amazing. As are all the other battered women out there doing what they need to, to survive.

Anyway, I wanted to comment on the question about why women will date men who have been convicted of crimes, who are known wife abusers/killers, etc.

I think the answer is simple. In a patriarchy, women are going to by default have low self-esteem. I can’t remember the feminist writer who said that a woman can’t begin her path to feminism, until she comes to terms with the fact that she has been brainwashed that there is something wrong with her BECAUSE she is a woman. So, by default women have this self-esteem issue. And since people are individuals with differing experiences, not everyone is going to have the same amount of self-esteem. Some women end up with more due to the way they are raised, their circumstances, their natural inclination to question things, etc.

Now add in that in a patriarchy any single man is deemed by default to be superior to any single woman. No matter how creepy, disgusting, criminal, diseased, stupid, etc. a guy is, there is a woman with low enough self-esteem that she thinks he’s a catch.

I remember when I discovered this. I was working in a medical lab that had the billing department in the same building. There was a female manager who was married to a doctor. She was very pretty. The doctor, on the other hand, was 5′2″, very overweight, wore big gawdy jewelry and kept his shirt unbuttoned way too far down. He looked like a troll. He was known for making his employees sit on his lap and give him a kiss for their Christmas bonuses. Her own daughter even asked her, “Mom, are you attracted to Dad?” She noticed the discrepancy. I remember asking people, “Why is she with him?” And they said, like it was common sense. “Well, he’s a rich doctor.” But I followed up with, “There are rich, ATTRACTIVE doctors with less obnoxious personalities.” Apparently, her self-esteem was so low that she felt that this troll was the best she could do.

I think we tend to forget that low self-esteem of women is intrinsic to a patriarchy.

Since I’m not the person claiming to do things that I haven’t in a public forum, I’m afraid I must decline your request to stalk me. If you can’t get it together enough to muster a scanner, a black marker and a free web host in support of your claims, that is very much not my problem.

The way to deal with that, I found, is not to spend to much effort into being sympathetic, but instead put the effort into being useful when the shit hits the fan (as it will). Sympathy won’t drive the getaway car or take care of the dog.