Sigh. Poor Michael Medved of Town Hall. He bloviates in his column that lifting Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell will result in an explosion of toe-tapping cruising in the latrines.
Imagine the impact on morale and unit cohesion if two guys from the same barracks engaged in toe-tapping hanky-panky (and perhaps much more) while occupying adjacent bathroom stalls in the military facilities?Does he not realize that Larry Craig has said he’s not gay, and that the Atlanta police department found that the majority of men busted in his stings are married with kids? How, exactly then, will DADT prevent bathroom hookups if self-proclaimed heterosexuals are engaging in public, anonymous homosex? If you read on, it’s clear the level of Medved’s projection that he will be the target of amorous toe-tapping is, well, extreme.Of course, advocates for gays in the military will insist that any such indulgence would involve a violation of the rules, with offenders facing stiff, severe consequences. But the impact of gay GI’s on bathroom atmospherics doesn’t just stem from the real chance of actual sex acts in the latrine, it involves whole sexualization of one of the most frequented and important conveniences on any base.
The problem isn’t just the chance of molestation, it’s the radical change of mood and sensibility if you know you may be checked out as a sex object at a very private moment (of urination or defecation) when most normal people prefer to avoid any and all thoughts of physical intimacy.Oh, please. How does the desire to serve one’s country without being in the closet now turn into an orgy of bathroom sex? It’s about the inappropriate nature and location of a sex act, not the orientation, Medved.…The national shudder of discomfort and queasiness associated with any introduction of homosexual eroticism into public men’s rooms should make us more determined than ever to resist the injection of those lurid attitudes into the even more explosive situation of the U.S. military.
If Craig thinks he’s straight and has to cruise public restrooms for same-sex encounters, it says more about homophobia and the pathology of the closet driving men like him to engage in this kind of public, anonymous, illicit behavior, particularly because of the deceit and the pain it causes their families.
37 Responses to “Michael Medved: DADT provides protection from toe-tappers”
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Medved said: ‘Of course, advocates for gays in the military will insist that any such indulgence would involve a violation of the rules, with offenders facing stiff, severe consequences. But the impact of gay GI’s on bathroom atmospherics doesn’t just stem from the real chance of actual sex acts in the latrine, it involves whole sexualization of one of the most frequented and important conveniences on any base.’
Um. Welcome to being a woman.
Wait. Medved thinks he’s straight?
I’ve been using public toilets my entire life and have never been worried about being checked out as a sex object, not even when I mistakenly wandered into Oz on Bourbon Street at 1 in the morning, where it was pretty likely. (I imagine I was dismissed as a sex object pretty quickly that time–I’m sort of lumpy, especially compared to the guys who were in there.)
I always wonder why guys like Medved get so concerned about this sort of thing. Why are they so terrified by the prospect of being checked out? Do they really think that if a gay man checks them out–and in some cases, that’s a hell of an if–that they’ll be overwhelmed with this urge to go suck his cock?
Because being checked out makes you the woman. Let’s be honest about it; that’s what freaks so many straight men out. Men are the lookers, women the objects. When gay men check out a straight man, we turn him into the woman.
The problem isn’t just the chance of molestation, it’s the radical change of mood and sensibility if you know you may be checked out as a sex object at a very private moment (of urination or defecation) when most normal people prefer to avoid any and all thoughts of physical intimacy.
Oh, boo-fucking-hoo. Go undercover as a woman for 30 days and then talk about the “sensibility” of knowing you might be checked out as a “sex object”…at all times. And for good measure, throw in the sensibility that you are to blame for any unwanted attention.
It really comes down to this for guys like Medved: he’s just fucking terrified that someone will treat him the same way he treats women. (And yet that never makes him stop and say, “Hey…wait a minute…”) Why the thought of it makes him faint! Someone call a whaaaaaambulance, quick.
WTF? National shudder of discomfort? What the hell is he talking about?
Because being checked out makes you the woman. Let’s be honest about it; that’s what freaks so many straight men out. Men are the lookers, women the objects. When gay men check out a straight man, we turn him into the woman.
I get that–I’ve taught Susan Bordo in my comp classes before, and she details that effect pretty well, I think. But I’d bet that Medved and his brethren wouldn’t freak out if the person doing the checking were a hot woman who couldn’t help herself and had to have him right there. Or maybe they would–I have a real difficult time figuring these people out sometimes.
Does Medved think the toe-tapping doesn’t happen on military bases? Anywhere you’ve got gay men forced into a closet, odds are, you’ve got some kind of covert interaction going on. It’s the nature of forcing people underground.
And honestly, I’ve never known any secure straight men who are afraid of … whatever it is that he’s afraid of. I think, essentially, he’s saying he’s afraid of another man’s thoughts. And when you think of it that way, all the Orwellian crap he and his ilk push starts to make sense.
And when it starts making sense, it’s a sure sign I need more coffee.
I love my fellow Pandagonians. Only 6 comments, and already everything that I was thinking has been posted.
Medved is a tool.
I think Medved has watched Deliverance too many times. (Funny how that “squeal like a pig” scene that still freaks straight men out, though it’s probably the only instance of homosexual rape in the movies, compared to countless examples of hetereo rape)
Yeah, Medved would probably be flattered if a hot woman checked him out, but let’s face it, no hot woman, (or any woman) is going to rape a man, no matter what Clint Eastwood endured in The Rookie.
BTW, MM, both of these movies? They’re fiction, not documentaries. It’s not going to happen to you, no matter what you dread (or dream.)
“Does Medved think the toe-tapping doesn’t happen on military bases? Anywhere you’ve got gay men forced into a closet, odds are, you’ve got some kind of covert interaction going on. It’s the nature of forcing people underground.”
Exactly! To me it seems like if DADT were lifted the hooking up in the bathroom anonymously would be happening LESS often not more. Why do it that way when you don’t have to hide it anymore?
You mean like the time some friends of mine had to use a very skanky bathroom in Tijuana and one of them looked down and saw a man’s eye pressed against a hole in the floor watching her pee?
Oh, wait, that doesn’t count, because it was a mere woman who had that happen to her, and everyone knows that women should expect to be turned into sex objects by strangers even during “a very private moment” that’s sacred to a man.
(She told her sister what had happened and her sister said, “I would have pissed on his damn eye.” I love her sister.)
Medved seems unaware that at least during basic training and in some military facilities the toilets do not have stalls around them, therefore toe tapping would be unnecessary.
I think Medved has watched Deliverance too many times. (Funny how that “squeal like a pig” scene that still freaks straight men out, though it’s probably the only instance of homosexual rape in the movies, compared to countless examples of hetereo rape)
“Deliverance” is not the only instance of homosexual rape in the movies. Two other examples immediately come to mind.
1. Ving Rhames’ character Marcellus violated by Zed in Pulp Fiction
2. Tim Robbins’ character Andy Dufresne being repeatedly gang-raped by “The Sisters” in The Shawshank Redemption
Five bucks says there’s video out there somewhere that shows Medved engaging in golden showers with another man and really doesn’t mind sharing such “private moments” with others.
I strongly recommend the World O’Crap post about anxiousness in regard to toe-tapping.
But I’d bet that Medved and his brethren wouldn’t freak out if the person doing the checking were a hot woman who couldn’t help herself and had to have him right there. Or maybe they would–I have a real difficult time figuring these people out sometimes.
He might not freak out in the same way, but there is little doubt that the woman would be considered a “bad woman”, labeled a whore, and most likely deemed worthy of being ridden hard and then ignored, demeaned, or even worse. I’d say not calling her the next morning would be the least of the guy’s sins in a scenario like this one.
And, actually, if a hot chick was checking him out in the middle of his bowel movement, he would probably be so entirely mortified that the “object” saw him in such a state of vulnerability that he’d be unable to get an erection, so, yeah, he’d probably freak out in that exact scenario, but for a different reason.
Can we start calling it ‘teh toe-tapping’ now?
Um, I have news for Medved. Sex between soldiers, seamen, airmen, Marines, it happens. It’s always happened. Sometimes it’s very drunken mistakes/accidents/got carried away with the drugs or alcohol, sometimes it’s experimenting, sometimes they’re gay, sometimes they’re bi, sometimes they’re just horribly lonely and desperate and figure no one will ever know (and usually no one ever does).
Wanna know how I know? The things my husband has told me. He spent two decades in the Army. And once or twice, things drunkenly happened. But he’s straight. Meh and shrug, who cares?
So… a rule against sex in the latrines would not be sufficient to prevent sex in the latrines, but a rule banning gay servicepersons from talking about their sexuality would?
…huh.
“Because being checked out makes you the woman. Let’s be honest about it; that’s what freaks so many straight men out. Men are the lookers, women the objects. When gay men check out a straight man, we turn him into the woman.”
that makes so much sense it’s almost disturbing … wait no it is disturbing, gotta love how much this guy hates women … I for one enjoy being checked out by gay men, especially good looking ones … Even though I’m straight nothing boosts your confidence for a night on the town like getting checked out by the person everybody else is checking out, makes no difference if it’s a man or a woman. Come to think of it, when a cute woman checks me out I get a little nervous and shy, because of the potential picking up … with a man I know I’m not going to sleep with him, so it’s way less stressful. So I have no way of relating to this kind of crazy fear … even in bathrooms at gay bars I’ve never been hassled (maybe I’m just not as good looking as my delusions would have me believe ) , it honestly seems like the cruzing bathrooms thing is a “non-gay” male looking for gay sex type thing, I have never heard of any of my openly gay friends doing it.
And please, what happens to a gay man who hits on a bunch of testosterone-heavy straight guys, especially in a bathroom? Nope, it won’t be the out gay men doing the toe-tapping.
What WOULD change is that the inherent shame and danger (both physical and career-ending) that being known to be gay would end, and as a result, the unspoken “nobody will ever know about this” evaporates instantly.
So the danger is not of unsuspecting straights getting molested, but of blowing open the closets of everyone who engages in gay sex. Even the otherwise straight guys who enjoy the occasional blowjob while far away from the wimminz.
And yeah, the bad-ass hardbodied young studs are going to get admired (or judged) by people that they aren’t interested in sexually, and they will not have complete control over the sexual dynamics. As has been said, boo-fucking-hoo.
The real danger of ending DADT is to the gay and lesbian servicemembers who will be the pioneers of being out servicepeople. And they won’t be blind to those dangers and should be admired when they face them.
“the radical change of mood”. Apparently, Medved is a shy tinkler. ::eyeroll::
I must disagree with one poster: Medved isn’t a tool, because tools imply utility, and few objects in the world are as useless as Michael Medved.
Every time DADT comes up I find myself unconsciously humming the Village People’s “In the Navy.”
The fact that you can number the instances of homosexual rape on film that pop to mind on one hand sort of proves Blue Jean’s point.
IMO we’re long past the juncture where pointing out the inconsistencies and ironical howlers which pepper the works of the Medveds of this world would still have a point or be very much fun. Nevertheless, ain’t it amusing…here is a man who thinks that no inhabitant, native-born or not, of a nation at war really does have any reasonable expectation of privacy, who thinks that the Executive Branch shouldn’t have to hop through Judiciary hoops in order to listen in on whomever it wants, who thinks it’s just groovy that the Chief Executive can label whoever he likes an “enemy combatant” and then cause that person, if he so wills, to disappear off the face of the earth. We are not, according to Medved, to be secure in our persons, papers, and effects after all, because we might turn out to be Against America and For The Terrorists, and the results of allowing us that much freedom of action would be Bad.
That is how much control Medved is willing to cede to authority.
And he’s still worried about being scoped out in the bathroom?
You know, an uncharitable person might take this as evidence that Certain Priorities are drastically in need of an overhaul…not that I’m admitting that I am that uncharitable person, but still…
I personally found the exposed toilets in Navy boot camp to be the most traumatic part of the experience, eclipsing the sleep deprivation, intensive exertion and verbal abuse by a lot. I especially did not appreciate being told that I wiped my ass “like a girl”.
Oh, yes, there was one thing that disturbed me even more than the toilets: being introduced to a culture in which sexism, racism and homophobia were freely expressed without consequences.
So it’s OK to get checked out when you’re taking a shower in an all-male facility, or when you’re standing at pretty much any older-generation urinal in the word, but just not when you’re in a stall taking a dump?
I gotta say that this prolix description of exactly the situation that would be so horribly embarassing and unpleasant about a scenario that would be far less common in the years after the abolition of DADT has all the hallmarks of Meinhold syndrome: Medved is subconbsciously desperate to think that he would be attrative to gay men, if only so that he could virtuously hold out on them.
It’s the intellectualized equivalent of the wannabe jocks who fantasize about what they’d do if someone ever offered them a chance to use the “gay panic” defense.
“National shudder of discomfort? ”
Well, I know I shudder with discomfort every time I think of Medved having sex with anyone not made of latex.
This guy was a homophobic asshole when he was writing unfunny books about bad movies, and he’s a homophobic asshole today.
Maybe if DADT was removed and the guys started worrying about possibly getting raped at or near the latrines, the evil, sexist, misogynist officers who’ve been leaving the female servicepersons to be raped going to and from the latrines would finally STOP it, to show they won’t allow men to be raped?
Good point, Samantha. I had forgotten about sexual assault against military women. God, it’s amazing how people like Medved refuse to see what’s in front of their noses.
To avoid embarrassing bathroom blunders, one needs only follow the rules presented in this informative film, Male Bathroom Etiquette.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw
You want to stop toe-tapping, we could just convert to Japanese style squatters. Maybe it will accelerate the penetration of Japanese style bidet toilet into the US. With the first, the dude’s feet are completely immobilized, with the second he’s already in a state of blissful luxury.
Earth to Michael Medved: Don’t flatter yourself.
I have a reasonable expectation of privacy while I’m doing God’s work in the stall. Any other place I’m willing to listen. Plus I think you have to be German for shit to be erotic.
I think that guys who freak out when they’re solicited by gay guys do so because they think it’s in response to a gay vibe they’re giving off, which conflicts with their self-image. Or maybe they’re self-hating gays.
Bingo! When i was overseas i propositioned a couple of guys that i thought might be gay. They weren’t, but far from freaking out they were a little flatttered that i found them attractive. It did get me in trouble one time but i think that was due to other circumstances.
I just realized i didn’t make my point very well in the above post. My point was that their masculinity wasn’t threatened; they weren’t worried that they appeared gay. That seems to be more of a product of our culture.