If she was a rude little brat, the man should have done the mature thing, married somebody else his own age.

No soc catalana: el meu pare es andalus i la meva mare es dels Estats Units. Pero vaig viure set anys a Barcelona. Ara visc al Pais de Gal.les.

“de xata res, si tinc un nas com un tranvia!”

Ja, ja: jo tambe!

Amanda,

You make a great point about how the word “sexy”, as applied to a woman, isn’t usually a compliment, but I think your analysis is slightly off the mark. In general (i.e., among the populace that hasn’t given feminism much thought), men who find woman sexy find them desirable, and wish to use them to achieve orgasm, and let’s be honest: which is more pleasurable, doing number 1 or 2, or having an orgasm?

Therefore:

Men who find a particular woman sexy do not fantasize about her as a bathroom.

Men who find a particular woman sexy fantasize about her as an awesome videogame.

Still degrading, without question, but not in the same way as “toilet” or “receptacle”* are. Those descriptions imply that men wish to strip the “sexy” woman of free will (i.e., rape her), but the wish is that the “sexy” woman wants to have sex with them. To further the videogame analogy, it would be unfathomable to consider whether the game wanted to be played (i.e., say no). In other words, the notion that the “sexy” woman has any agency doesn’t even occur to them.**

Audrey puts it better than I do:

Zoo would have you believe that these women are compliant, malleable, sexy, sexually available, sexually adventurous, sexually assertive, sexually willing and sexually explicit when it comes to their personal tastes. Their assertiveness is packaged in a strict space and is acceptable only so long as it isn’t being displayed negatively against men. The attraction lies in these women being so ‘sexually empowered’ that they are willing to fulfil their audience’s every fantasy and desire.

So really, the first contest meant “sexy” as “most applicable to our readers fantasies”. It was meant as complimentary in the same way that you might say a pet is “good”.

As an aside, this obliviousness to women’s agency ties into Nice Guy ™ Syndrome: If I only behave politely to the “sexy” woman, she’ll “want” to have sex with me! It’s as if they’re looking for the secret password (another game).

It’s when these fantasies collide with reality, when the sense of entitlement to have these fantasies *be* reality is questioned, that things get ugly and terms like “toilet” and “receptacle” become applicable.

Continuing from Audrey’s post:

The message is simple – women are okay as long as they’re playing by the men’s rules (which basically amount to not putting up a fuss about being considered ‘f*ckable’). Dissent is possible, but only if expressed in a cutesy pie, not-really-serious, isn’t-she-hot-when-she-pouts-I-just-want-to-bend-her-over-and-give-her-one kind of manner.

Stray from these strict guidelines all you want, but expect to feel the full force of derision - and often violent attempts at humiliation - wafting from the Smoking Room. Worse, expect to be told that your very valid objections are indicative of a complete lack of humour, a determination to ’spoil it for the boys’ and a total absence of femininity and sexual attractiveness.

Basically, the first contest was about using “women” as a catalyst for male orgasms (i.e., “sexy” is regarded as a good and desirable thing, as opposed to a good and desirable person). Once some real women pointed out that, no, in fact they are not put on Earth just to help men achieve orgasm, the bubble burst, and the men behind this contest did what any group that has a sense of entitlement does: they went about trying to protect that entitlement by ostracizing those who question their entitlement. IMHO, that’s where things get nasty. That’s where the word “sexy” is used to mean “you’re nothing but a cunt”, and you can see the anger and loathing towards those who try to claim a woman’s free will.***

Moreover, that second contest wouldn’t be proposed if the editors felt that feminists weren’t in the minority, so it’s also an attempt to make feminists feel powerless.

*I know you said “in this context”, but you’ve used these terms in other posts that deal with the male gaze, so I think it’s fair to expand the context to how other men might use the word “sexy”

**I realize that it is a contradiction to say that the woman wants to have sex with the man but has no agency, but that’s part of what makes it a fantasy.

***There was an episode of Wide Angle on PBS the other day that also illustrated this dynamic: Brazil is instituting an Affirmative Action program in it’s admission program to public universities. A vast majority of Brazillians, both white and black, don’t believe there’s a problem with racism in Brazil, so the reaction towards the minority that keeps pointing out that, yes, there really is a problem has been extremely negative and even violent.

Back after WWII, my very young grandmother would smart-off to my older grandfather (a patient, gentle man and my best friend) by saying, “Oh, bite my ass!” He said nothing, time and time again- it was just her way of being a rude little brat.

Finally one day, he had had ENOUGH. Their daughters, still too young for school, were starting to pick up on their mom’s behavior. She said it one time too many, so he put her over his knee and did just that!

She never did it again and fortunately, it became a silly family story.

To me, “dyke” is a sincere compliment, but to others it’s the worst thing you could possibly say to a woman. My friends use all swear words in a joking manner, but probably refer to fellatio when intending to hurt.
For some reason, the term “catdick” was a useful motivator for my band’s drummer.

I think you’re right, JC, that insults are still divided in traditionally gendered ways.
It would be odd to try and shame a man by saying he’s had a lot of sex.
Anyway, like JC I haven’t heard too many lengthy insult exchanges; only interactions between friends in which they call each other vaginas or gay men, in jest.

Now I think about it, they’ve never done the sensible thing, combined the two, and called each other lesbians. Maybe lesbians aren’t feminine enough.

It may be generational or class based. I’m in my 30s and the people I’ve heard use the term are mainly older (ie older than me) white working class men. Perhaps younger people use the term differently. That’s one of the reasons I made the comment - I’m interested in differing uses of these terms across cultures but also across gender, race and class divides.

To dc at 11:
What’s the worst word you could aim at men or women? Hmm. Depends on context. For some people I know the worst insult you could hurl at them would be to call them ‘bourgeois’ - hehe. ‘Cunt’ is up there for men. For women probably back to sex shaming words like ’slut’ or the ever popular ‘bitch’. There are probably worse words but as I’m not in a position to get insulted very often I can’t come up with any more at the moment.

Other Aussies feel free to chime in and tell me I’m wrong - it wouldn’t surprise me.

Actually, “pusillanimous” is pronounced “PYOO-sill-an-i-mous”, which swiftly dispatches the idea that it could be the root of “pussy” (where’d the “yuh” sound go?). Moreover, neither the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary nor Webster’s nor the American Heritage Dictionary say anything about even a possibility of derivation from “pusillanimous”.

All three say that “pussy” meaning “coward” comes from a Germanic source. The path may be pussy-cat -> coward, or pussy-cat -> woman -> [effeminate man ->] coward, or pussy-cat -> vulva -> woman-like -> coward, or (oddly) pursy (meaning fat) -> not fit to fight-> coward.

However, it has evolved, as words do, to be associated with the female genitalia. I strongly suspect if you ask a person who has just used the word “pussy” to describe someone they see as a coward, they will not think of the obscure word “pusillanimous”: they will think of either the soft, easily harmed vulva or the cat up a tree, and it’s more likely to be the former.

So you’re wrong twice, I’m sorry to say: the word is neither derived from “pusillanimous”, nor associated with it in the popular mind.

“Pussy” the insult and “pussy” the female body part are derived from different words. “Pussy” the insult is a shortenend version of the word pusillanimous (cowardly).

You ought to hear Robin Williams definition of “pussy.”

Well we grow up and loose track of each other. But as my eldest son began he last years in high school I began to think of my friend more and more, and several times while thinking of him. Why? Because my eldest son used the word “fuck” as punctuation for every sentence. No sentence was complete without the word “fuck” some where in it. He use it as a comma, verbal pause, period, exclamation point, what have you.

Sometimes I’d have to excuse myself because I was almost busting a gut. My parents (and my husband) were upset that I didn’t get after my son more. I’d respond with “Why? XXX did the same thing! He’ll grow out of it.”

There is something verbally satisfying about the “F” and the “K” sound when cursing. So much so that we invent other words to use in place of “fuck” like “frack,” and “Frick.”

“Shit” is also a very good in verbal satisfaction. “Shoot” is often used as a replacement, and I’ve heard “sugar” used as well. Around hear we often use “Shmeg” which can be used in place of “fuck’ and “shit.” One might hear one brother telling another brother to “Shmeg off!” or “Shut the shmeg up!”

“Shmeg” is an actual word, well an actual word if you are a fan of a certain British comedy series, and we are. http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=284617