Why are you calling it “your father’s name”? It’s not his name. He got it from his father. He’s using another man’s name, and that man in turn isn’t using his own name, but the name of another man, who also doesn’t own that name, and so on and so fucking forth.

Or, maybe, when you have a name, it’s your name, and the silly arguments morons throw out to trip you up into admitting that taking your husband’s name is no less feminist than keeping your own are a load of bullshit.

Not that you haven’t admitted that it’s not perfectly fine and feminist to take your husband’s last name; I’m just saying.

The anti-feminism was her mother’s, who gave up her name, and agreed to use Marcotte for all her children. Identical to my wife’s anti-feminism.

Well, sure. But it’s not like the name Marcotte is now tainted with the stink of anti-feminism and that Amanda has no right to use it and call herself a feminist. For her, it’s nothing more or less than her own name.

And you’ll quit trying to claim that women don’t ever have surnames of our own, too?

That’s an unfair characterization of my argument. I have said

I would certainly cut slack to Amanda, Val, or anyone else, and respect the name they wanted be called. To acknowledge each individual’s right to do so goes to basic human decency in my mind. I respect you enough to call you what you choose.

But you are right. It is not anti-feminist on Amanda’s part to use the name Marcotte. The anti-feminism was her mother’s, who gave up her name, and agreed to use Marcotte for all her children. Identical to my wife’s anti-feminism. Agreed?

Politically, Lexington is the reddest town in the reddest county in one of the reddest states in the union.

And yes, the overwhelming majority of the population of Lexington County is dumb as shit. These are people with far more money than sense.

And I’m sorry I made invidious comparisons to Amanda’s or other women’s choices in this regard. I was being defensive.

Shut up about Val’s choice, or don’t use your maiden (even the name of the name is sexist) name. It is NO less patriarchal than Valerie’s.

I don’t have a maiden name. I have a name. I never chose to give up my name for someone else’s because of a sexist social convention. The choice to give up your name for your husband’s is not a feminist choice. Don’t get so defensive about it. When I put on lipstick and heels, that’s not a feminist act. I deal with that fact. I’m still a feminist. Valerie could be a feminist too (I don’t know if she is or not). Most feminists have made many choices in their lives that were not feminist. It’s ok.

You’ve misread me. I think Amanda has said she shares her father’s last name, and has defended it. She is an adult. Her decision not to change it endorses the patriarchal naming system.

I have said that of Val’s decision, too. I just think that only women who have changed their names to something entirely outside this naming system, such as Muhammad Ali did with the name that our racist system bestowed on him, then they are no purer than anyone else.

Shorter epistemology:
Shut up about Val’s choice, or don’t use your maiden (even the name of the name is sexist) name. It is NO less patriarchal than Valerie’s.

Seriously, Amanda is Amanda, like Madonna is Madonna. No stinking, sexist surname needed.