I tried to stay away from lolcats for this one, I really did, but I couldn’t really find anything else.
*ring ring*
Augustienne: Hi, what’s up?
Augustlet [in background]: [The five-year-old equivalent of] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa*.
Me: Hey, I had a question - did you…what’s he complaining about?
Augustienne: Well, I asked him to get ready to go, and he got very whiny, so I asked him to stop using his whining voice, and you can guess the rest.
Me: Okay, let me talk to him**.
Augustlet: Hellowaaaaaaa?
Me: Hey, buddy, what’s the matter?
Augustlet: Waaaaaashemademeupsetwaaaaaa.
Me: Well, that’s no reason to react that w -
Augustlet: Iknowbutwaaaaaaaaaaa.
Me: Listen to me, you’ve got to -
Augustlet: Yeahbutwaaaaaaaaaa.
Me: Hey, buddy, listen to me for just a sec, okay?
Augustlet: Waaaayes?
Me: Are you listening?
Augustlet: Yes. [sniff]
Me: Okay, you ready to listen?
Augustlet: Yeah.
Me: I want you to go out of the living room and sit on your bed*** and we can talk about it.
Augustlet: Okay. [Does it.]
Me: You know what, hold on just one second, okay?
Augustlet: Okay.
Me: …
Augustlet: …[sniff]…
Me: [two minutes later] Still there?
Augustlet: Yep.
Me: Okay, one more second.
Augustlet: …
Me: [one minute later] Hey, you know what? Did mama get a shirt out for you?
Augustlet: No.
Me: No?
Augustlet: No, she got two shirts out. A t-shirt and a button-up shirt.
Me: Right, okay. Silly me. You know, I’m gonna be just another second, why don’t you get off the bed and go put on those shirts for me while you’re waiting, okay? Just to save time?
Augustlet: Okaaay. [In the background] Hi mama, daddy asked me to put on my shirts, because he needs me to wait for him to talk to me. [Back at phone after task complete] Daddy, are you there?
Me: Yeah, buddy, but just a min -
Augustlet: No, I just needed to tell you that I have to go to the bathroom, okay?
Me: Okay.
Augustlet: It’s just pee, don’t worry, I won’t take long.
Me: Thanks.
Augustlet: [after a pause] I’m back, daddy.
Me: Okay.
Augustlet: Are you ready to talk?
Me: Yeah. How are you feeling? Are you feeling a little better?
Augustlet: I’m feeling all the way better. But I need to go put on my shoes now.
Me: Okay. Don’t forget to say sorry to mama.
Augustlet [mildly exasperated]: I will.
Me: Okay.
Augustlet: Bye.
————————–
* It’s really not “waaaa” but it’s almost impossible to transliterate so let’s just go with “waaaa.”
** This works in reverse, too - it’s not just a “Let daddy step in and be the savior” thing.
*** Reader note: This just so happens to be the location of timeout.
12 Responses to “The Augustlet Chronicles: It works on telemarketers, so why not the kid? Edition”
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When ours does that, we feed it. Especially if it is after dinner time and food hasn’t happened yet.
Usually works pretty well. Whining means either hungry or tired, depending on whether it is hungry or tired time. Even at age 9.
The remote time-out? That is a shining diamond of brilliance!
That is absolutely brilliant!
That is indeed pretty damn fabulous.
My parental superpower goes as follows:
C2: Can I have ice cream?
Me: No.
C2: Can I?
Me: No.
C2: I really want ice cream, daddy.
Me: You’re not having ice cream.
C2: I haven’t had ice cream in a really long time, daddy.
Me: C, you’ve asked me three times, right?
C2: Yeah.
Me: And I’ve said no three times, right?
C2: Yeah.
Me: And do I ever change my mind after I’ve said no three times?
C2, dejected: No.
Me: All right, then.
Ms Kate, I totally sympathize with your kid(s). If it’s after dinner time and food hasn’t happened yet for me, I tend to do the adult equivalent of whining, i.e. becoming highly irritable and snapping at whoever is around me. At this point I realize how hungry I am and go get myself some food. (Sometimes my boyfriend, in the middle of some stupid argument that I started, will say “Er, when did you eat last?” Since he doesn’t say it to be dismissive when I have a real problem, I think it’s cool that he’s keyed into that.)
Auguste’s parenting is brilliant, by the way.
Caroline, my dad will do that when he’s hungry, and my mother and I will say he’s “fussy.”
omg yu hacked yur kid lol
And 38.
Ours is younger, so we have a simpler version of this: if the kid doesn’t want to do something, give him what sounds like a really good reason.
“I don’t want to go to the playground.”
“But there will be cars in the parking lot at the playground.” (He doesn’t really care about cars one way or the other.)
“Oh…. Let’s go to the playground and see cars!”
This will either make him immune to much of modern advertising or uniquely susceptible.
OK, here’s an interesting suggestion for the bookclub: Juliet Schor’s Born to Buy. (disclaimer–she’s the chair of the dep’t in which I’m doing my PhD, and I’ve used the book in a couple media classes, but I’m hearing some interesting things from prospective parents about the book–not just folks in academia/media studies/consumer society studies.)
Ooh, Schor is pretty good. I read a couple of her earlier books on overwork in the US. She seems to know what she’s talking about
Auguste, that was was parenting kung-fu.