marrying someone you’re not sexually attracted to at all is probably usually asking for trouble

I don’t think there is anybody who posts here that disagrees with that. (Tangent alert!) There are a baffling number of asexual people, though, who seem to feel that they are entitled to marry people who want normal sex lives and then expect them to give up sex or accept occasional charity sex; that has come up on a number of previous posts.

But really “in your face� attention to the other person

And there you put your finger on it, (the “don’t be a shit about it” rule) and no more need be said by me.

I think it’s not so much that marrying outside your “type” is bad in itself (at least not if you find the actual person outside your normal “type” at least somewhat hot - marrying someone you’re not sexually attracted to at all is probably usually asking for trouble), as that a lot of the complaints I hear from women do wind up sounding like the problem is really visibly continuing to prefer women of another “type.” But yes, I think it would depend a lot on context. Enough reassurance that you find your spouse hot, and the “type” may not matter (my husband says I have a “type” of woman I look at on the street, but he’s not bugged or threatened by it - and not all women would be either). But really “in your face” attention to the other person who is younger, or skinnier, or whatever, could be a problem.

So yes, it depends on context, but there are contexts where it can be a real problem.

As for resenting finding Jessica Alba hot in itself, I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who gets angry simply because a man finds Jessica Alba hot.

8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.

There are two types of people who bring up your mistakes over and over again. The first group are psychologically abusive swine of either gender who do it to establish and maintain cruel ascendance in a relationship. They are abusers pure and simple.

That leaves everybody else. If we leave aside the unsuccessful attempt at humour found in the “24 hours” guideline — Rumpole: “Better leave the jokes to me, old darling. You’ve simply got not talent for it.” — it leaves us with the rather more simple question: as between men and women, which is more likely to remind (and re-remind and re-re-remind) the other of past mistakes, either directly or in more subtle fashion?

Women. No question, no contest, period.

So … Why? My own pet theory is that women are brought up to believe that they have to “fix” or “correct” or “improve” their men. Some of it is patriarchal, some of it has other origins. But women are brainwashed to do this and many do.

That’s one potential pitfall; the other is having a really obvious “type� that doesn’t include your partner [et seq.]

Doesn’t that depend on context. I’ve known people who married outside of their “type” preference, and that reinforced the dynamic, simply because it was an affirmation that the partner was seen as so insanely hot that their appeal transcended type. I knew one bi woman who settled down with a man, and the clear understanding between them was that it was because he women turned her crank way more than men did and he turned her crank more than women did.

I’m defending it because I don’t find it offensive. For example, I don’t see the shoe comment as a generalization of all women. It’s just one way of saying that guys don’t understand uniquely feminine hobbies like shoe collecting (which, by the way, I don’t get either). And why is it a horror to think that Jessica Alba is hot? There isn’t a girl or guy alive who doesn’t think some celebrity is hot. As for saying stupid things…who hasn’t had a case of foot-in-mouth at some point? And as for the cooking comment, there’s a huge difference between what Evan said and expecting dinner on the table every night. What he actually says is that, on the occasions that women do cook, he appreciates it and acknowledges that it’s a lot of work.

I’m all for condemning articles I think are actually sexist. But this one, while not very funny, is basically saying that men and women approach dating differently, which I think is true. With all due respect, I think that calling this article sexist is an overreaction and makes valid sexism charges less credible.

And…do you find “girls” and “guys” to be offensive terms? I’m in my twenties and still tend to refer to myself and my female friends as “girls” and my male friends as “guys.” I just look at those as less age-specific terms.

To be perfectly honest, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that column.

Well, parts of the column, taken individually, wouldn’t be that bad as relationship advice (it’s generally not a good idea to expect people to read your mind or frequently dredge up comments from the past, whether you’re a man or a woman). But I have trouble taking seriously anyone who’s proposing #7 as actual advice; since when does any woman need to be more open to public propositions? It’s spoken like a man who has no clue what it’s like to encounter street harrassment.

Just a word of advice from a former divorce lawyer? Male or female: it’s okay to find somebody else hot, and/or to mention it. If you mention it when you are arguing with your spouse, going through a strained period, or when you aren’t sleeping with them….? Well, get used to having 1/3 the money and spending LOTS of times in law firm waiting rooms.

That’s one potential pitfall; the other is having a really obvious “type” that doesn’t include your partner, and making it clear. If you like Jessica Alba, and Jessica Alba is a perhaps prettier version of what your partner looks like, cool. If you like Jessica Alba, and she looks nothing like your partner, still cool, if you also seem to appreciate women who look like your partner. But if every single woman who visibly turns your head looks way different from the woman you’re with, and if you’re oblivious to all the attractive women who look more like the one you’re with, your wife or girl friend may not be a happy camper.

I don’t know. Most of the guys I used to be netbuddies with were pretty horrified by the way similar articles (Yahoo, MSN, and CNN advice pieces) talked about men. There’s one really great one on common ‘first-time mother mistakes’ that all but ends with “Mistake #12: Allowing a male anywhere near your baby.”