Your challenge: Find me a better example of the above phenomenon than the below monstrosity.
I do not actually know whether this is the only song ever to feature a Muzak solo. I only know that it hurts me.
Challenge for elderly Pandagonians: Rate the contents of your back-in-the-day closets in comparison to that gruesome striped shirt, or anything any of these guys are wearing, really. For extra credit, estimate the percentage of time you wore plaid in a week.
Challenge for younger Pandagonians: No, on second thought, I think you’ve suffered enough for one weekend. I’m terribly sorry. It won’t happen again.
UPDATE: Bananarama? That was mean, Mr. Clarke, a very mean thing to do to someone who still covets Keren Woodward’s hair. And her complexion. And her body. And–well, you get the idea.
The real tragedy is that anyone ever allows Michael Bolton near a microphone for any reason.
But Mnemosyne–oh, Mnemosyne. I don’t know what we’re going to do about Mnemosyne and the horror she hath unleashed this day. I have put this horror beneath the fold to spare you. Click only if . . . okay, honestly? I can’t think of a valid if.
Eyes bleed. Eardrums go boom.
UPDATE II: Would someone please tell me what the fuck.
Was that necessary? I don’t think that was necessary. At all.
THE FINAL UPDATE: Listen, I don’t care how you feel about the original (I am fond of it myself, but like Lauren, I have a weakness for the AWESOME!!1! 80s)–this must be seen to be believed. No mere words can do it justice.
112 Responses to “When Bad Covers Happen to Good Pop Songs”
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I can’t compete with the clothes, but the drummer could be my twin brother - we both suffer from the same limp, crappy blonde haircut paired with almost comically strong eyebrows that aren’t color matched with the hair or complexion at all. My dad used to cut my hair, what the hell is this guy’s excuse?
I will maintain until my dying day that the worst cover in the history of music is Avrl Lavigne singing Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door. (available here: http://music.aol.com/artist/avril-lavigne/529805/main )
Though, a friend of mine also sent me a pretty horrific whiny indie boy singer cover of Liz Phair’s awesome “Fuck and Run.”
Memories of the last teeny-bopper posters from Tiger Beat that I had on my wall before we tore the posters down and painted the room. I was twelve, and I loved the Bay City Rollers, especially Les, the singer.
I was 12, I wasn’t supposed to have any taste yet, was I?
I like the original version of the song 95% of the time. There will be times in which the cover is better than the original. An example of a cover that is better than the original is the Doobie Brothers cover of ‘Take Me in Your Arms (Rock Me)’.
Oh, where to start.
Or
I’m sorry, but I have the nuclear device of bad cover songs. The thread will not recover from this.
I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
Isabel:
Is that who that was? I heard that piece of crap in a bar once or twice, I think, and was wondering, who the hell is butchering this so badly?You know, Chris, by the mid-1980s I’d grown so used to empty synth arrangements that, while I always disliked Bananarama, I don’t think I quite appreciated how awful their cover of “Venus” is.
But if we’re talking ’80s, please consider this cover, the extraordinarily painful awfulness of which was clear even at the time.
Hmm, and speaking of back-in-the-day closets, and Bananarama… umm, yeah, I think I’ve got a t-shirt to go
hidebury.Mnemosyne, we’ve all already SEEN Leonard Nimoy try to sing. Though admittedly his hair looks different in the video you link to.
You guys are just lucky that there’s no YouTube video of Duran Duran’s cover of “911 Is A Joke,” or the space/time continuum would be irreparably damaged.
I didn’t think this was possible, and yet all of a sudden I feel a great kinship with Ashlee Simpson. How often thoughts of murdering her older sister must have crossed her mind all these years!
Oh, Ashlee. If only I could go back in time, I’d hold her down while you hit her. And then we’d call CPS on your creepy dad. Oh, yes, we would.
Crüelty!
This one is truly, truly bad. I don’t know whether you can really call it a cover as such, but I know it’s awful.
Oh, and this is also really awful. I liked the original, dammit!
OK. One more and I’m gonna take a shower.
A long, hot shower. With lysol. And steel wool.
Tiffany? I have a vinyl LP of Lene Lovich doing “I Think We’re Alone Now” that punk rocks beyond belief. Maybe a post about great covers of great songs?
The Bananarama girls? I know I’m showing my sexistism here, but at least two of them married “up,” Brit-pop-wise. One married Dave Stewert of Eurythmics, and another one married that other Wham! guy, Andrew Ridgley. Hopes remain high for the third lady.
:)
I am going to totally need that soon or I’ll be reaching for the steel wool myself. Dear God, what have I done?
This entire thread is a fucking hate crime.
Oh, bekitty. Oh, no.
I was neutral on the Scissor Sisters up to now. No longer.
Hate. Hate. Hate. Do not want.
Pat Boone covering Little Richard.
Definition of injustice: John Entwistle is dead. Fred Durst still walks the earth.
tutti frutti
I must admit I’m surprised this hasn’t come up yet. Granted, it’s better known than most of these atrocities, but I think it more than holds its own on the stygian-depths-of-chthonic-horror scale.
Drunken nomination for best cover ever: The Ramones’ cover of “My Back Pages.” Perhaps the best vocal performances of someone else’s songs I’ve heard is on the Elvis Costello/Allen Toussaint collaboration, River In Reverse (they’re EC’s versions of Toussaint’s song, which are incredible {intentionally unclear antecedent, Mr. Clarke}). Wonder why that album hasn’t gotten mroe attention?
It took me like seven minutes to type this comment.
Jeffaclitus can keep track of his unclear antecedents while intoxicated. Holy shit.
TEACH ME, O MASTER.
They’re not exactly great songs, but there are two of them being simultaneously massacred.
Can I nominate a good cover of a good song?
When drunk, just assume that all of your antecdents are unclear.
Ah, grammar…helps ease the pain.
I present to you all Wall of Voodoo, the band that made “Mexican Radio” famous doing their version of the Johnny Cash classic “Ring of Fire.” Some say its brilliant, others screech in horror upon hearing it. Me? I call it high art.
Why has no one mentioned William Shatner’s cover of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, or for that matter, Shatner’s entire, um … output of whatever it is that he’s doing.
‘Cause we’ve all seen that 40 times.
For Jeffaclitus:
And Djur, hell yes. Amanda will appreciate that one, I think.
t.a.t.u’s cover of How Soon Is Now is an abomination. Also, the Killers’ butchery of Joy Division’s Shadowplay. Why did they have bands who are not Joy Division perform Joy Division songs on the soundtrack for the movie about Ian Curtis? Why? Do not want.
Now - where did I put the Japanese Reggae?
Ha! You dis the Bay City Rollers? I’ll have you know that I loved the Bay City Rollers when I was about 12. Shameful confession time: I still have a lingering affection for “Saturday Night.” Yes, yes I do.
However, we will NOT discuss my wardrobe. No. The 70s was a decade that should never have happened from a fashion perspective. I categorically deny ever having worn a poncho or a white seersucker jumpsuit with bell bottoms. I don’t care if my mother has the picture. It’s a fake, I tell you.
Also, sorry, jeffaclitus, while the Ramones most definitely do rock and I totally would have done Joey, best cover ever is the Flying Lizards version of “Money (That’s What I Want).” Because, when I listen to other versions of the song, I have my doubts. I’m not sure that’s REALLY what they want. I get the impression that maybe they might settle for love. But with the lead singer of the Flying Lizards? No doubts. She sings it like she means it. That’s what she wants.
Yes, yes I do.
You can’t out-confess me, Miz Plum. This all started when S-A-TUR! DAY! NIGHT! wouldn’t get out of my head for like the last 3 days. I still like that song, but come on: It can only be Saturday Night once a week at the most. Three days straight will do things to a lady.
the video is kind of painful to watch, but the music is good.
It sounds like a watered down cover version of some ghastly 1980s Mick Jagger solo single, but it has the name “Ramones” slapped on it so it’s got to be good.
Maybe it’s just my naturally sunny disposition, but I much prefer the game where you try to find listenable covers of otherwise unfuckinglistenable songs. In this category, I nominate Prince’s cover of Joan Osborne’s “One Of Us.”
Indeed.
Wow. I never knew that Scissor Sisters song was Comfortably Numb. That’ll teach me to listen closer. I think.
Bruce Willis’ entire album “The Return of Bruno”, especially the version of “Young Blood”. (Mowtown signed him without ever hearing him sing. That’ll teach ‘em.)
Grand Funk’s version of “The Loco-Motion”, which features the clunkiest guitar solo I’ve ever heard-it sounds like the dude was wearing mittens. (And do NOT dis Kylie Minogue’s version, because that’s better than this one.)
I’m sure there’s one more I’ve forgotten, but it’ll come back to me about a half-hour after I post this.
Bananarama did a sunny and sprightly, cute and fun version of a very not-cute song: “No Feelings” by the Sex Pistols. It rules.
Okay, I have to admit I practically swooned at that first video. BCR was my first taste at being a groupie (from a distance). OMG Eric is soooo cute! In grade 5 I even did a dance with three other girls, in front of the whole school, to “Saturday Night.” It was hot, baby.
Was that necessary?
I’ll admit, much as I like the rest of the album, that cover is a blight upon humanity that must be erased and forgotten forever.
Though the rest of the album is AMAZING.
In Bananarama’s defense, I’d point out that, without them, there probably never would have been the band Shakespears Sister, and Shakespeare’s Sister the blog would’ve had to find a different name. Well, you know, something like Shakesville, I guess.
Worst= Pat Boone’s ‘Tootie Fruity’
Best= Dolly Pardon’s ‘Stairway to Heaven”
not kidding
Shakespeare’s Sister the blog would’ve had to find a different name.
Unless Melissa had happened to have read A Room of One’s Own.
Why do you all hate the world so? That’s the only question I can ask in light of this thread. Pure, unfettered hatred is the only explanation I can find for… for these abominations.
Count me in as one more fan of “Saturday Night.” I have it on my iPod even. My husband, Insufferable Rythm and Blues Snob that he is — he’s an expert on late 40’s and early 50’s R & B — even likes “Saturday Night,” so we shouldn’t feel so bad.
My vote for the worst cover ever, which I can’t find on YouTube and won’t look for anywhere else, is “Stars on 45,” which was a mishmash of Beatles tunes played on synthesizers from 1981. It topped the charts right before I graduated from high school, proves by itself that the 80’s could produce stuff far worse than the 70’s ever thought about. I also agree with everyone who nominated Pat Boone’s desecrations of Little Richard and the Britney Spears’ thing.
Come on you guys, what about Orgy’s Blue Monday? For a thorough explanation of why this cover, and many others, is empirically known to suck, read this.
Why does Celine Dion hate sandwiches?
Did someone mention “Stairway to Heaven”? What about the Rolf Harris version? Didgeridoo, wobble-board and “All together now!”
Really special.
Thankfully, I can’t find it on YouTube, so you’re all just going to have to imagine it for yourselves.
I know people like this song, but she moves me in ways that make me want to pick up scissors and aim for her EYE.
There is no music video for this, but I have, in my possession, a cover of U2’s “We Will Follow” as performed by Frontline Assembly…
… and Tiffany.
I’m not kidding.
I’ve never actually listened to it, because I fear it would be like opening the Ark of the Covenant, with my face melting off and everything.
And I actually like the cover of “I Wanna Destroy You” by the Circle Jerks (and Debbie Gibson).
(Debbie Gibson not pictured, but she’s singing)
Actually I kind of liked Front Line Assembly w/Tiffany doing a cover of “New Year’s Day”. I just wondered which group/member was “slumming”.
They also covered “Justify My Love” with Kristy Thirsk doing the overheated Madonna impression (vocals).
Hey how about Revolting Cocks doing a cover of Olivia Newton John’s 80s hit “Physical” ?
I dedicate this horrible cover to the co-blogger of old who shan’t be named:
Maybe a post about great covers of great songs
Well, back in the day (which was almost exactly one year ago) M. Bérubé wandered away from his blog for a bit and some Insufferable Music Snob from Texas came in and did almost exactly just that for an Arbitrary But Fun Friday. Read and enjoy. (It should be noted that the Scissor Sisters Comfortably Numb gets mentioned and receives at least two “Me too”s on the plus side.)
Got to get back to my treatise on Internet music discussions, working title: My Taste Roolz, Your Taste Droolz!!)
You know, I always thought she named it that after the Smiths’ song. She is a huge fan of Morrissey.
While Ms. Dion’s choosing to do a duet on “Shook” was an abomination, it was but two crimes against the song. Shakira, however, commits multiple felonies.
She named it after the Smiths’ song. I don’t think she was aware of the crappy band.
Sorry that linkage didn’t work. Go here to see the awful.
There’s a worse version of Wonderwall.
PS: Apparently that one got just as high in the UK chart as the original. (No. 2)
I am loathe to admit, but I think I actually owned that shirt the bass player has on in the late 70’s. But hey, my mom was still buying my clothes then
I actually think that second “Wonderwall” is pretty funny. As for Anka, his cover of it does manage to somehow further reveal the song’s inner awful. God I hate Oasis!
Apparently I messed up the link to Amanda’s post at MB’s place. Here it is.
Celine Dion covered AC/DC. Celine Dion covered AC/DC. Celine Dion covered AC/DC.
Sorry, I just had to type that a couple of times to make sure what I saw was real.
Was that Jack Jones doing the cover of the song dedicated to the blogger who shall not be named?
My sister was a Bay City Rollers fan. I used to make fun of her for it, although it didn’t stop me from borrowing her horrible BCR inspired striped rugby shirt. Granted, I was 10. I also had a plaid shirt I wore regularly. It had a high collar and a bow that tied at the neck. It really flattered my Dorothy Hamil haircut.
Sorry, but I love the Scissor Sisters’ cover of “Comfortably Numb.” A coked-out neo-disco-glam band should be the one to cover Pink Floyd from their own coked-out years. There’s a fitting symmetry.
As far as bad covers happening to good songs…it’s damn hard to cover “I Put A Spell On You” by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, though it has been tried, with varying results. I like Creedence’s version, but if you want something that fits in the “bad” category, I present Diamanda Galas flaying away on that song. Warning: her version may be used for enhanced interrogation techniques.
I’m a fan of the Scissor Sisters’ version of “Comfortably Numb”. It’s irreverent, and Pink Floyd needs more irreverence aimed in their direction.
No. No no no no no.
I think I’m bleeding.
(Bumper sticker alert: Crazy Maisie Jun 2nd, 2007 at 8:52 am - Why does Celine Dion hate sandwiches?)
Amanda, I enjoyed Anka’s “Wonderwall”. What does that say about ME?
I’d like to say that the best version of that BCR excrescense is also a cover: that of the Tourists (a band that contained The Eurythmics within it.) Dusty Springfield’s original is great, but Annie Lennox’s is irresistible.
In terms of unknown great covers, I’d like to mention Robert Williams (who drummed for Captain Beefheart) did a cover of the Beatles’ (George Harrison’s) Within You Without You, which makes it rock. Seriously.
But bad ones? Life’s too short.
There is no music video for this, but I have, in my possession, a cover of U2’s “We Will Follow� as performed by Frontline Assembly…
… and Tiffany.
*sigh*
A while back I was conversing with a friend:
“Good Lord - it says here that Tiffany is taking her kit off for Playboy!”
“Who’s Tiffany?”
And at that point, gentle reader, I knew I was old.
(Oh, sure, *now* she says she knew who Tiffany is - but she’s just trying to make me feel better…)
Another different, but interesting cover of Comfortably Numb is by Dar William and Ani DiFranco. Used here as backdrop for a Grey’s anatomy fanvideo (only version I could find.)
And on the general topic of innovative female renderings of rock songs, you can’t top Petra Haden’s a cappella version of I Can See for Miles.
Here you go, live at the mall.
Chris Clarke:
I immediately thought of Motley Crue covering “Anarchy in the UK.”
Not much offends me, but that cover absolutely did.
How dare they!
Well, there’s always this, which may or may not qualify as bad.
Challenge for elderly Pandagonians: Rate the contents of your back-in-the-day closets in comparison to that gruesome striped shirt, or anything any of these guys are wearing, really.
When I was 13 (1965) this was my favorite outfit: longsleeved empire dress. the top is electric blue with lime green polkadots. The bottom is lime green and electric blue stripes. I wore it with lime green and electric blue checked knee socks.
I win.
MKK
Well, there are three good kinds of covers.
Good covers of good songs.
Somehow clever/amusing/interesting covers of bad songs.
Covers of songs by bands where fans of the original are certain to freak out in dismay.
Clearly, this is the third. At least, it’s amusing the rest of us.
This does not really fit the category as:
1) It is a bad song, and
2) The original performer participated,
but I felt this ‘N Sync collaboration with Christopher Cross on Sailing deserved a mention. (watch it at least a minute in to get the full impact of the stage effects.)
Alas no videos available, but Linda Ronstadt is reponsible for two of the most clueless covers in music history, one of which you’ve all probably heard. Mind you, she did some lovely versions of old tunes–”Blue Bayou” in particular springs to mind–but these two are horrors:
“Alison”–an Elvis Costello song whose dark dork-driven creepiness is utterly dissipated by Linda’s warbling
“Sail Away”–Randy Newman’s shattering 2 minute plus dissection of America’s birth in the trans-Atlantic slave trade and the myths around it. I seem to recall Greil Marcus, in his essential Mystery Train, implying that her one-dimensional reading was evidence that she had the IQ of table salt, but I’m too lazy to go try and find it to dig up a juicy quote.
The problem, Mnemosyne, is that the Doctor always seems to mean it. Whereas you… don’t. Back at the Blog of the Dangeral Professor, I would attempt to defend my sister Celine’s honour, but even I am left aghast. The other bits? I’m merely dismissive of that non-Bangles girl group of my youth, I have a fairly good Bolton filter installed (works for Johnny Milk-Mustache, too), etc. But thanks to Sis, I need a happy rainbow unicorns purgative for my brain.
I had a Garanimals shirt a lot like the one the bassist is wearing. Worse, I remember watching the Rollers’ Saturday morning show, with the shark in the bathtub. (Or was that the Hudson Brothers…?)
Shatner’s version of Pulp’s Common People isn’t half bad. It isn’t half good either, however.
@ Mnemosyne —
My ex-stepmother (yes, I have an ex-stepmother) bears an uncanny resemblance to Celine Dion (has actually been mistaken for her, in Montreal). I love my ex-step, but I do not want visions of her hypothetical karaoke rendition of “You Shook Me All Night Long” running through my head.
Do you hear me, young lady? (man? person?)
I beg to differ, Jimmy Higgins, re: Linda Ronstadt. She did way more than 2 bad cover versions (but then, I don’t like her version of Blue Bayou, either). The fact that she was even allowed in the room with the sheet music of “Sail Away” is something of which I’ve been blissfully ignorant all these years. Thanks for hipping me to that. No, thanks. Really.
I’ve heard the entire Paul Anka Rock Swings album, I believe. One of the songs he covers is “Black Hole Sun.” It’s okay, in a bad cover version kinda way, but doesn’t some close to this. Unfortunately, the video is the original one of Soundgarden. I’d really love to see the performers doing this one.
I admit it, I really enjoy bad, bad covers. Thanks for this faboo thread.
Also, can I say that I’m such a nerd that I thought the blog Shakespeare’s Sister was named after, y’know, “A Room of One’s Own”.
mds is the only true sister of Celine Dion! All others with ex-stepmothers who look like her are merely imposters. I know this for a fact, since I, too, am related indirectly to Celine Dion.
Me too, though I remembered the band, too, once it was mentioned.I actually think the best cover of I Put A Spell on You is Bette Midler singing it in Hocus Pocus.
Exaggeration. False chains of logic. OK, maybe it wasn’t as funny as I thought. I’m going to borrow Chris Clarke’s excuse. It was late.
2 words: Gunny Sack.
2 more words: Junior Prom.
Awesome cover of a terrible song
Okay, trying again. Two sweet covers of awful songs.
this
and
this
If you’re ragging on the Bay City Rollers’ wardrobe in this vid, you obviously missed their big US television performance (S.A.-T.U.R.-D.A.Y. Night!) of Aug. 1975, if memory serves.
On that occasion, the band performed in matching outfits of Scottish-plaid cullottes and vests (with Converse tennis shoes). Yes, I said ‘plaid cullottes’.
Don’t tell me I’m the only one with this scene etched into my brain…….
Um. *small voice* I liked Bananarama singing “Venus.”
Let me think — oh, I know. That Wing lady that South Park publicized singing Abba. My brother obtained her music so we could all enjoy her attempting to sing Dancing Queen. I think it nearly ruptured my eardrum.
And to bring it all full circle to Celine and Anastacia, you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Wing’s version of “Back in Black.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0vZwONKshU&mode=related&search=#
This band has a history of this kind of abomination.
And if you want some Eastern, rather than Northern, European weirdness, look to Laibach and their covers of Beatles (”Across the Universe”) and the Stones (”Sympathy for the Devil”).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFwMjHegqZM
Sleepy Sleepers = an earlier incarnation of the Leningrad Cowboys. Would we have been spared much suffering if we had made a Final Net embargo on Finland? Apparently not.
Now, Mnem, I must respectfully disagree. I can admit that that particular song isn’t the BEST song on their covers-only album (Thank You), but it’s an exceptionally good album, with all the songs working together surprisingly well for a covers album. White Lines is so exceptionally awesome that they often use it to close out their shows, and Lou Reed can be seen thanking them for covering Perfect Day on the Duran Duran Behind the Music.
And yes, Wing is exceptionally awful, in a way that had me clicking through all the samples she offers after in the staring at a gruesome car crash kinda way, wanting to hear just how much she destroyed all these songs that never did anything to hurt anyone.
jon at 5:38a.m. -
oh. my. god.
WARNING: Have the brain bleach ready before you click the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSuyGBL1nB0
(Don’t pay attention to the video; all I could find was a fanvid using the song as a soundtrack.)
Brain bleach!
yum.
I tried to use the brain bleach and the evil of this thread has further infested my grey matter. There’s no cure. I need a lobotomy, and I have to say, you people are all to blame. THANKS!
Drat. Can’t find a video for Dead Milkmen’s Bleach Boys song on YouTube. And it’s not a cover anyway. But I think it might have been helpful.
…why, oh WHY?
EmpireQueen penguin bleachcan’t find video for the Michael Bolton version of “Like a Rolling Stone”… but never turn down a chance to hear it.
it’s truly remarkable. in the pantheon of bad covers, by a consensus vote.