The ideal winner of the 2008 nomination.
John McCain’s nobody’s fool when it comes to pandering to today’s modern wingnut. He knows that given the choice between tolerating the fact that people do have sex and letting people die by the millions, there’s only one right answer and it’s the wrong one—no amount of death and destruction is too much in the battle against Teh Sex. Especially when those dying left and right live in not-America countries. Bean found a transcript at the NY Times Caucus blog where McCain explained that his major goal when it comes to stopping AIDS in Africa is to blow off stopping AIDS and confront the much more serious issue that someone might be getting off without James Dobson’s seal of approval.
Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?�
Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.�
(Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.)
Mr. McCain: “I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it.�
Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?�
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.�
It gets even better. Watch as the Amazing McCain pretends he doesn’t know the sky is blue.
Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?�
Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.�
Dude, the reporter even gave him a hedge by not dropping the scary, scary word “condom” but instead spreading misinformation that “contraceptives” stop HIV transmission, even though only some (condoms) do. Just more evidence that there’s a sex education gap and it’s not just in Africa. Regardless, McCain really fumbled here by pretending that he’s confused by the question. But just in case he’s not just simply dodging a factual question, I would suggest that he dial up Reagan’s Surgeon General, C. Everett Koop, who was the wingnut’s wingnut.
Koop became a Reagan nominee largely based on his anti-abortion activism. The devout evangelical Koop had delivered his pro-life message through a number of books, films and lectures nationwide. One film shows Koop surveying a sea of naked dolls, intended to symbolize aborted fetuses, and saying, “I am standing on the site of Sodom, the place of evil and death.” Liberals challenged Koop’s appointment, delaying Congressional confirmation for eight months.
So, clearly he was a batshit crazy patriarchal anti-abortion nut. His fatal flaw was that he still had a scrap of honor in him, and when he was hired to do the job of helping protect the nation’s health, he actually stepped up and did his job. And under this spell of honor and intellectual honesty, this is what Koop concluded about slowing the transmission of HIV.
In an October 1986 report to the president, Koop argued sex education and condoms were the most effective way to combat the AIDS epidemic. In 1987, Koop was the lone administration dissenter from a plan calling for widespread AIDS testing. His rationale was that the prevailing stigma against people with AIDS made mandatory testing unfair and impractical. He argued that compulsory testing would force those potentially infected with AIDS or HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, further away from medical treatment and education that could prevent spread of the disease.
Unfortunately, the lesson learned by Republicans was that it wasn’t enough to hire people that were crazy wingnuts. The proper candidates for presidential appointments since then have had to be willing to act dishonorably and refuse to do the jobs they are hired for. It they’re incompetent and couldn’t do their jobs even if they tried, that’s just a bonus. McCain has learned the lesson well; in order to be the best wingnut man for the job of President, his motto has to be, “I don’t know and I don’t care, either.”
44 Responses to “Too bad the Constitution doesn’t allow the Republicans to run actual houseplants for office”
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OK, allowing that McCain is a complete idiot, this is an incredibly poor question from the reporter:
Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?�
Birth control pills, depo-provera, norplant, IUDs and diaphragms will do pretty much nothing to prevent the spread of HIV. Condoms are a form of contraception, and also provide disease prevention. Bad question.
How long until a troll comes along screaming the “condoms have pores through which HIV can pass” lie?
Hopefully advances in science will enable Republicans to neuter themselves, reproducing asexually, like some lower forms of life.
omg, I wish I wasn’t running out the door and had more time. This post rocks.
“Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?â€?
Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.�
Such a modest disclaimer, and with the added luster of being actually true! Since a goodly chunk of AIDS transmission in Africa takes place within marriage, what exactly does he think he can do to encourage abstinence in marriage? More pertinently, even I haven’t encountered quite that mind-blowing a theory among the general Republican ranks–even they will usually grudgingly admit that sex is the norm within Teh Holy Bonds of Matrimony and even, gasp, might even be thought to be encouraged within them. Reminds me of an exchange my kids just had this morning:
Son #1: You don’t know EVERYTHING. I know some stuff you don’t know. (to his older brother)
Son #2: Yeah. You do know something I don’t.
Me: (amazed at this concession) Really? What’s that?
Son #2: What planet he’s from.
:D
Also on my way out the door, also admiring.
All I can think to say is, I don’t think the Constitution specificially prohibits plants from being run as Presidential candidates or taking office, provided they are over 40 years old and born (sprouted?) in the USA.
“Never got a question about that before,” forsooth!
Aalso on my way out. Great post! What strikes me is the arrogance of the idea that we should be telling Africans to abstain from sex. It’s bad enough when it’s done to our children, but to go to another country, which is still recovering from colonialism, and to “teach” people, most of them adults, to abstain? Unbelievable.
Also, I think it’s useful to look at Senator/doctor Tom Colburn’s quotes on other topics. If McCain is taking the advice of the man who said the following, it perhaps provides an insight into McCain’s own thinking.
“You know, the moral rationalization is if you make a mistake there’s no consequences. I’ve seen the consequences. Condoms and teenagers work about 50% of the time, if you count all the studies up.”
“And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you’re healthier than if you don’t. In fact, there’s no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier.”
“Lesbianism is so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they’ll only let one girl go to the bathroom. Now think about it. Think about that issue. How is it that that’s happened to us?”
“The gay community has infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country, and they wield extreme power… That agenda is the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today. Why do you think we see the rationalization for abortion and multiple sexual partners? That’s a gay agenda.”
“I favor the death penalty for abortionists and other people who take life.”
Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?�
Why should U.S. taxpayer money pay for anybody to have sex? Because they really, really want it? I want a big screen TV, where’s my government check?
Why should Chinese taxpayer money go for anybody to indave and occupy an unarmed nation? Because they really, really, want it? Bush wants Iraqi oil and no bid contracts for Haliburton. How did he get them? Money from the Chinese.
Bad Wolf (an interesting choice of names for talking about sex, by the way) brings up the straw man argument with aplomb. Of course, no taxpayer money is being spent for anyone to have sex (outside of certain military and congressional circles). Rather, people are already having sex (a simple understanding of the basics of biology acknowledges the powerful urges of the sex drive) - well, many of us..at least, those that are not completely fixated on big screen TVs. The money is for disease prevention which is A) cheaper than treatment and B) more ethical/moral than letting people die (fellowship with (wo)man and all of that).
Spinadectomy, the removal of the spine, is the operation that McCain underwent. Remember how FDR was rarely photographed in his wheelchair and stood behind podiums with braces? Well, they’re doing similar selective photographing of McCain and support him in various ways, so that voters will still think he’s a vertebrate.
Shorter Bad Wolf: People can just die of AIDS until the government assigns me a handmaid.
I do think you have hit upon a key quality of the perfect modern Repug candidate. They don’t want no stinkin’ principled conservatism, or principled anything (and Koop is the perfect example - as I recall his horror that the Reagan Administration was opposing anti-smoking efforts in Thailand as constraints on free trade represented one of his turning points.)
In fact, more and more, I think some kind of public display of complete repudiation of past “principles” has become a shibboleth for “conservative” support - and McCain is scrambling to catch up, as Rudy and especially Mitt Romney are leading in the race to total personal debasement. In fact, it must gall McCain, who really is the consummate unprincipled flip-flopper, that his carefully constructed “Straight Talk” image is actually a liability, maybe he should just hold a press conference and renounce the whole Straight Talk charade.
… But, gosh, David Broder and Chris Matthews love straight talk…
Ain’t it hard when you discover that
They really aren’t where it’s at
…
Condoms and teenagers work about 50% of the time, if you count all the studies up.
Ya think that percentage might go up if you, oh i don’t know, actually taught teenagers how to use the gosh darn fuckng things?
Bad Wolf, one could argue that the government does spend money to enable people to buy big screen tvs and they’re borrowing trillions to do so. Here’s how it works:
People who live in larger houses than they can afford buy larger tvs than they can afford. They borrow to do all this because they lack discipline (Our country has had a negative savings rate for the last two years. The last two years this happened were 1929 and 1930.).
Because they lack discipline and are seduced by big screen tvs to sit and watch commercials for decades, they grow fat, diabetic, arthritic, and their blood vessels line with plaque. Then, their monstrous medical issues require them to become medical wards of the state, via Medicare.
And it all began with big screen tvs.
What the hell have houseplants done to deserve this disrespect!?!?!?.
By now it should be obvious that a houseplant would have done a superior job as president over the last 6-years.
No war in Iraq, no slow bleed in Afghanistan, no threats against Iran or North Korea. Our allies in Europe would still merely dislike us, instead of hating and fearing us. Instead of the largest Federal deficits ever, and the largest outstanding debt ever, we’d be paying down the debt we had with the budget surpluses.
C-Plus Augustus would have a permanent suite in the Betty Ford Clinic, Cheney would have turned that shotgun on himself, Condi Rice would writing bad adolescent fiction pushing libertarian “ideas”, Rumsfeld would be entertaining fellow barflys with his stories of combat, etc.
Don’t be hatin’ on the houseplants!…
Nice to see that it’s not just Democrats who are afraid to have an opinion.
Point taken, MikeEss. I doubt any houseplant would support policies known to perpetuate the plague of spider mites.
I thought all the houseplants were solid members of the Green Party.
Agh! Spider Mites! We hates them!…
MAJeff asks: “How long until a troll comes along screaming the “condoms have pores through which HIV can passâ€? lie?”
Uh, Jeff, I believe that lambskin condoms DO have pores through which the HIV can pass which is why I understand that latex condoms are preferred for disease prevention…
Oh, this is priceless. Has he been talking to Thabo Mbeki, who denies that HIV causes AIDS and therefore won’t do a whole hell of a lot about AIDS in South Africa?
Richard, you are right about that. I should have clarified the latex part. I’ve honestly never even seen anything but latex for sale.
“Modern wingnut” would make an excellent magazine title. I never would have voted for McCain, but he didn’t scare me until now, because he’s mostly likely disingenuous in the extreme, actually that dumb, or in some sort of early stage dementia (those long pauses raised a red flag with me, having seen several older relatives start down the senility path that way).
Still, I should add, the thought of a chief executive more craven and ignorant than Bush is breathtaking and terrifying.
MA JEff,
In places like New England, the rest of the Northeast, and mid-Atlantic, it would be hard to find the lambskin but they are found in other parts of the country where the “but I can’t feel anything with those” crowd are more likely to hang out.
Maybe not houseplants, but I’m sure we can find a crash test dummy that would do a better job.
Richard,
When I used to do safer sex education, I used the slightly decreased sensation involved with condoms as a selling point, especially to women–he’ll last longer than 30 seconds….
Sometimes the lambskin ones are called “natural” or “ultra-thin.”
My understanding is that the lambskin ones are actually for people with latex allergies. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen them advertised, or seen them in a store. I’m guessing they’d be a specialty item, and probably more expensive.
There are also polyurethane condoms. Works for people allergic to latex, and are as effective for stopping disease. They do, however, break more easily unless you’re using them perfectly.
Bad Wolf: Why should U.S. taxpayer money pay for anybody to have sex? Because they really, really want it? I want a big screen TV, where’s my government check?
Look real, real carefully at the following two phrases:
to prevent AIDS
and
to have sex
Do you see any difference between the meaning of those two phrases? Good Lord, you’re stupid.
Raincitygirl: My understanding is that the lambskin ones are actually for people with latex allergies. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen them advertised, or seen them in a store. I’m guessing they’d be a specialty item, and probably more expensive.
They’re called Naturalamb, they cost more than name-brand latex condoms but not twice as much, and, at least in Florida, they’re available in most pharmacies, in a black and gold colored package on the same display rack with the Trojan and Lifestyles brands. As Richard noted, they aren’t proof against viruses but they do stop spermatozoa.
Zuzu, great point on the connection to Thabo Mbeki. And disappointing that a Republican frontrunner now sounds more like a man who leads the country with one of the worst life expectancies in the world — in large part because of AIDS — than like an educated first world leader.
(and thanks for the link, Amanda!).
I will not vote for a Bromeliad. That plant is a liberal.
Thanks, WK. You learn something new every day.
The ideal Republican candidate is not a houseplant, but a water cooler. Like the one the Springfield Republican Party was about to nominate for mayor until they saw that Sideshow Bob was standing by it.
[/simpsons obsessive]
FourXXXX is a brand of lambskin condoms.
What gets sold for those with latex allergies (these days) are polyurethane.
TK
“And I thought I would just share with you what science says today about silicone breast implants. If you have them, you’re healthier than if you don’t. In fact, there’s no science that shows that silicone breast implants are detrimental and, in fact, they make you healthier.�
WTF? And here I was thinking how sad it is that they’re being given the go-ahead again. After encountering multiple accounts of women sickened and crippled from Silicone poisoning due to leaking breast implants what a shock to learn that they’re actually GOOD for women. Maybe if I run out and get some I’ll finally be “healthy” enough to qualify for medical insurance!!! Then again, augmenting my already DD breasts might have some (well-documented) medical downsides… like back pain, the inability to exercise comfortably, and the psychological depredations of being a walking wet dream for strange men to oggle. But hey, apparently vitamins are bad for us so what’s a girl gonna do? Implants, HO!
I heard that House Plant, the republican front runner, has reproduced asexually on multiple occasions and is a known hermaphrodite!
deciduousfruit: Senator/doctor Tom Coburn made those remarks during a hearing on silicone breast implants. And this is the guy McCain is taking advice from on health issues of any sort?!!?
Did somebody just quote an Official Medical Authority saying that breast implants make you healthier? LOL. Okay, I’m checking out of the world for the rest of the day. I’ll be back tomorrow after I’ve untangled my cortex.
My mother makes cheap prophylactics
She punctures the end with a pin
My father does quickie abortions
My God, how the money rolls in!
Capitalism and wingnuttism all tied in one neat package
The Straight Bullshit Express: the Condom Edition…
Full disclosure: I have never bought into the belief of the Compulsive Centrists that John McCain is moderate. A detailed look at his voting record shows that he is often very conservative, with the occasional moment of lucidity (e.g., recognizing th…