[By the way, clearly Amanda is ashamed of her church affiliation. Also, the following contains a harrowing tale of political naivete. Read at your own risk.]
“I don’t want to vote for anything, believe anything, or support anything as a career. I don’t want to vote for anything I believe in or support, or believe in anything I support or can vote for, or support anything I vote for, believe in, or support, or stand up for anything I vote for, believe in, or support. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.”
———
I don’t have to think about Gordon Smith anymore.
A confession to make: I’ve only cast one vote for a national-level Republican candidate in my life, and that was in 1996. I was an idealistic - and by idealistic, I mean poseur - 21-year-old, and after happily voting “Killer Ron” Wyden in to replace Bob “I Say, Priscilla, Why Are Oregonians Such Fucking* Perverts” Packwood, I felt pressured to prove that I was one of those Big Thinkers who voted for the CANDIDATE rather than the PARTY. Gordon “Maverick” Smith seemed like that guy, since he was running against Tom “Slider” Bruggere, a candidate I remember as being about as exciting as an emissions test.
Smith was pro-balanced-budget, opposed the sales tax, and promised to save the Oregon Health Plan. Sounded good to me. Woo! I’m so open-minded. Anyway, time went on, and when Smith came out in favor of stem cell research or hate crimes laws or Medicaid, I was able to say to myself “yep. Yep. Did the right thing.”
But, frankly, I knew I was wrong. I knew that Smith was a typical dyed-in-the-wool social conservative, only able to come to the “right” positions when something touched him directly. “Compassion” wasn’t in his vocabulary, nor, despite the stem-cell stance, was “choice.” For crying out loud, he voted with Bill Frist 82% of the time in 2006. Trouble in paradise.
When Smith voted for the bankruptcy bill, I pretty much washed my hands of him. I even sent him a Dear John letter telling him how hard I was planning to work for his opponent in 2008. Thus divested of the painful monkey on my back, I settled myself into a nice, comfortable Republican-free existence.
But like a spurned lover, Smith tried one last, grandiose gambit to win me back. I won’t say he almost succeeded, but he did start my mental processes a-working. And like a lover spurned for all the right reasons, it wasn’t even a month before he was right back to his old tricks.
So. Thank the Disco Ball he showed his true colors again so quickly. Last thing I would have wanted to do was squire him around town with everyone laughing behind my back at my political cuckoldry.
I can’t wait to find my rebound Democrat.
———
*That’s right, Michelle. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Fuuuuuuck.
18 Responses to “Oh, Thank the Disco Ball”
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I have a question related to this part, “That’s right, Michelle. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Fuuuuuuck.”
I’ve been trying to come up with a list of words that have the syllable fuck in it, but not a derivative of that word. So, ‘fucker’ wouldn’t count. However, I’m drawing a blank.
I think that, ‘fuck’ is such a powerful word in our culture that any thought about the syllable immediately conjures the word and its meaning thus eliminating all other thoughts in my head.
[…] UPDATE: This post at Pandagon made me giggle, and not just because of the Lloyd Dobler reference. The enjoinder to Michelle Malkin is hilarious. The language is [conservative-with-a-stick-up-his-ass]shocking[/conservative-with-a-stick-up-his-ass]. […]
Always trust a Republican to say one thing and then vote with the party leadership.
I’m not surprised or fazed at all. Hagel & Specter have made this behaviour into an art form. In my own representative’s camp, Grassley likes doing this sort of bologna on senior’s issues and whistleblowers.
Is Ashton Kutcher starring in a remake of Say Anything?
I’ve been trying to come up with a list of words that have the syllable fuck in it, but not a derivative of that word. So, ‘fucker’ wouldn’t count. However, I’m drawing a blank.
Well, there’s always “enfuckment,” as in, “Joe Lieberman counseled his fellow Democrats that unless they supported a policy of enfuckment in Iraq, they would never retake the House and Senate.” But I don’t suppose that meets your criterion that the syllable not be a “derivative” of that word.
The Disco Ball originations post died? Sad face…
C. S.: You could always go with “catastraphuck”.
Yes, it’s derivative, but it’s so perfect.
I’d expect non-derivative words with ‘fuck’ in to be rare, seeing as syllables don’t often start with ‘uk’, or end in ‘fu’. So, basically, you’re not going to see accidental combinations much. (’half-uxorious’?)
The Japanese for ‘luck’ is ‘fuku’, though it’s pronounced ‘fookoo’.
Well, there’s always the playground hilarity of “Oh, fu’ ckrying out loud!”
Avid Goldwaterite…worked in his campaign, not ashamed of that.
But that was in my Bircher days….that’s a horror to recall
Loved that Reagan gave that great speech for Barry
And then, just so you don’t feel too bad..voted for Ronnie..TWICE!
Drank my way through the nineties and awoke!…Wakened - as socialist,
feminist, regulationist liberal. Little like Snow White.
[WHO?s been messin’ around my bier with apples…and stuff]
So maybe the abyss of alcoholism has positive side-effects OR
Bush and the cabal Bushites are enough to waken even the most sodden.
Life (we) IS (are) strange…anyway just don’t be too hard on yourself…
Others of us are far more fuc*king guilty. Longer.
What if the word is semi-derivative, but the derivative doesn’t make any sense? “I had a bowl of corn fucks for breakfast this morning.” Whoops, God just killed another kitten.
The Disco Ball originations post died?
No, no, as Mr. Bartholdi alluded to in his leading parenthetical, Ms. Marcotte deliberately deleted the Disco Ball post rather than apologize for it. I think Mr. Edwards should immediately fire Dan Rather.
From the first link in the post:
Consider yourself reminded!
Supposedly, a long pole used to poke holes in the ground for planting seeds is properly (no-obscenely) called a “fuckstick”. That would have to be a veeeery old Anglo-Saxon word, I guess.
F— etc. Get a f—–g Thesaurus.
Oh geez, didn’t anyone notice that the links now have the date in them, not just year and month? They changed over at some point. Here you go: http://pandagon.net/2005/05/16/the-church-of-the-mouse-and-the-disco-ball/
For future reference, other signs of URLs that won’t work and will need updating are the .html at the end, and the more than 15 characters that precede the suffix. Perhaps at some point, somebody with way too much free time on their hands could come up with a good regexp to go through the database and update old posts linking to other old posts.
Come on, I expect that kind of denseness from Michelle Malkin et al., sure, but not here!
Auguste, thanks for this. And while we still-in-Oregon folks will forgive you, it’s going to take some help for that “rebound Democrat” — whoever that turns out to be.
And just in case you haven’t been paying attention to the junior senator from Oregon, well, we have. Here’s a lengthy rundown on all the ways that he pretends to be moderate, but really isn’t.
Gordon Smith: Not a moderate. Not even close.
Remember, Michelle Malkin said that ’self-censorship is a conservative value’, so, she’d like us all to just hold it in. But fuck, I so can’t do that.
Forgive him, Kari? Oh, HELL naw!
Dude.
DUDE.
If not for You, and everyone else who believed in that “we need one from each party” senatorial bullshit, we could have gotten the Senate done in oh-fucking-TWO. I rode 13 Buses, and walked nearly a thousand houses trying to convince You, and everyone else like You, that Bradbury would make a thousand times better Senator than SweaterMeat McFascist.
I was right. You were not.
And you’re not forgiven until you move back to Oregon and pull your weight to take care of that grievous oversight.