My, the faith is weak if this is what they call Christian outreach these days.
Small bands of masked evangelists, clad in tights and armed with biblical names, argue it is. The violence and intensity of wrestling, they claim, can be the perfect way to attract the alternative, younger crowd.
At the beginning of some “Wrestling for Jesus” shows, wrestler Chase “Darkness” Cliett is strapped to a massive wooden cross on stage as piercing music is played. A group of evil wrestlers beats and bloodies him before the good guys dramatically come to his rescue. Later, after a horned fellow in a red suit is knocked out, the preaching begins.
But it’s not for everyone; many churches won’t even consider letting them perform. One performance ended with real fighting, real cursing and a repentant participant stretched-out face-down in the ring weeping.
Just so you know, you can catch the WFJ show at the Johnston J.C.’s Peach Blossom Festival in Johnston, S.C. on April 1 — and that’s no April Fool’s joke.
Darkness
From: The Hills of Golgotha
Weight: 178lbs
Height: 6′9″
Finishing Move: Lights Out
Quote: “Whatever your mind can conceive and believe your body can achieve”
Entrance Music: “Metal is Forever” (Primal Fear)
Titles Held: Current Tag Team Champions, United States Champion, Cruiserweight Champion
Zion
From: Nagasaki, Japan
Weight: 185lbs
Height: 6′2″
Finish Move: Fall of Zion
Entrance Music: “Your Powerful” (Skillet)
Titles Held: Cruiserweight Champion
24 Responses to “Body slam for Jeebus”
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Lovely. My Fundie uncle is a big fan of the Power Team, who smash blocks of ice with their heads and then preach about the power of faith. Very entertaining stuff, but hard to make fun of since it’s so over the top to begin with.
Er. This is unkind, but, speaking as a skinny person, aren’t those guys a bit thin to be wrestling entertainers?
BWAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!
*gasp!*
HAHAHAHAHAAAAaaaaaa….*thud*
More evidence that “Christian {pop culture}” is really just a remedial catagory for those who can’t hack the real world.
Arthur C. Clarke and C. S. Lewis never needed a “Christian Lit” section. M. Night Shamaylan could make some overtly christian overtones in a film about aliens without repercussion and still be seen as a genius. “Stone Cold” Steve austin sure as heck didn’t need christian wrestling to get fans waving “John 3:16″ references. And Christian Rock?
BWAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!!!
*gasp!*
HAHAHAHAHAAAAaaaaaa….*thud*
I want to laugh, too, but I find it all just too horrific.
Does anyone doubt that a large part of the audience secretly wishes Darkness would win?
Do they have “ring babes” (bleh) like the WWE? If so, does Darkness have The Whore Of Babylon, and Zion the Madonna?
Or is it pure closeted homoeroticism manly action, they way the good book intends it?
Dang, my previous post is supposed to have strike-throughs on “closeted homoeroticism”. What tag does that?
Is this working?So <strike> works, but not <s>.
Any chance of a preview button, or a style guide?
Gott ist tot.
Those guys couldn’t shoot if their lives depended on them, whimps.
What’s with the freaking power rangers mask anyway, I don’t remember giant dinosaur robots and a bad korean dub in the bible…
Where’s Nacho Libre?
Go easy on him, Mildred. After all, he’s from Nagasaki, a city we partially converted to radioactive glass back in the ’40s. You can see how that would instill in him a righteous amount of Americhristian pride.
Beside, the mask helps cover his (presumably) inscrutable Oriental features, which if revealed might cause some Carolinians to whale the tar out of him.
Weight: 178lbs
Height: 6′9″
Hell, a strong breeze could beat up Darkness.
What I liked in the article was that he’s on a cross while “piercing” music was playing. Heh heh heh!
So, the Darkness wears corpsepaint and likes metal, but he’s the good guy? Uhhhh . . . yeah. No wonder some churches get confused.
Like to see him in the ring with Thorr (the legendary Swedish power metal icon, famous for his Conan style stage show) or Frost (from the Norwegian group Satyricon, the band who will seriously beat you with swords if you challenge them in battle). Hell, Joan Jett or Lita Ford could body slam the Darkness into Christian flavored cat food.
Camp for Christ just got Campier!
When does the chick with the perfect nails and giant exposed brain show up to officiate? Oh, wait, that’s Mucha Lucha.
I say they are all going to Room 207, they just don’t know it yet. All that makeup ain’t gonna save them.
WTF next, a christian soap opera?
Beside, the mask helps cover his (presumably) inscrutable Oriental features, which if revealed might cause some Carolinians to whale the tar out of him.
or, just as likely, conceals his whiteness so that his made up biography including a birth in Nagasaki sounds more plausible.
honestly though, I think I might pay money to see “The Passion of the Goth Kid”
course, I’d skip the preaching afterwards.
I think I’d like Darkness’ phone number. Wanna bet he could use some convertin’ to righteous atheism? *grin*
I’m a little suprised the General hasn’t gotten hold of this yet. It’s right up his alley.
or, just as likely, conceals his whiteness so that his made up biography including a birth in Nagasaki sounds more plausible.
Aye, I suspect as much as well. Especially given as those arms of his belong on someone with a mullet and a Camaro.
Whoops, I assumed the business about Darkness being the one on the cross was a reporting error because I didn’t think the Fundies would want a Gother-than-Goth representing goodness. Anyone going to see it firsthand?
Man, Strong Bad could kick these guys asses. And he’s a damn cartoon.
i don’t know where to post this question. i found some relevant posts on southern feminist blogs and thought this might be the right place. found nothing useful on websearch for feminist christian rock.
i’m looking for get-up-off-your-ass-and-grab-hold-of-the-power-of-god kind of music that recognizes woman as god’s image.
can anyone help a sister out?